How to respond when someone offers to pay for you

amother

Red

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:47 am

I'm not the most socially adept, so I'm not sure I handled this in the most appropriate way.

I got together with a long-time friend who I hadn't see in years. We had our kids with us and we went out for pizza together. As soon as we got in, she told me that she would like to pay for all of us. She's quite wealthy and we're quite the opposite. What's the most appropriate way to respond? I know I have a tendency to overdo my objection, so all I said was, "Are you sure?" She said she was, so I said thank you so much and that was that. When we parted way, I gave her a hug and thanked her for meeting up with us and added, "Thanks so much for paying for us." Was that a little awkward of me?

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:51 am

amother wrote:

I think that's fine.

Of course some people like a show of things. You sort of need to know who you are dealing with.

amother

Green

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:53 am

amother wrote:

Your response was perfect.

Rubber Ducky

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:53 am

At the end, I would not have thanked your friend for paying, because that might make her feel self-conscious. But it's not terrible, and everything else sounds fine.

ra_mom

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:20 am

dankbar wrote:

Your responded very well. Took her offer graciously & made her feel good that she sponsored.

Last edited by ra_mom on Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:23 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Red

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:55 am

Thanks to you all for making me feel better about it. But for the future, would it be better if I would put up some objection to it at first?

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:43 am

I have a similar friendship and friend I see 2 or 3 times a year. She's noticeably substantially wealthy and we are noticeably Not! She always offers. I always say are you sure. She says yes and I say thank you. Not a big deal.
You handled it perfectly.

simba

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:07 am

amother wrote:

Thanks to you all for making me feel better about it. But for the future, would it be better if I would put up some objection to it at first?

Not at all. She offered because she wanted to. No reason to make a big deal. You did a classy job at accepting it graciously.

amother

Green

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:39 am

amother wrote:

Thanks to you all for making me feel better about it. But for the future, would it be better if I would put up some objection to it at first?

No.

I wouldn't expect it or ask because that can get annoying.

imasinger

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:44 am

I think a brief protest is fine, but anything beyond that can actually make her more uncomfortable, not less. Like refusing a gift.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:48 am

amother wrote:

No.

I wouldn't expect it or ask because that can get annoying.

On the flipside - your neighbor needs the 5 minute exchange of 'are you sure' - 'that so generous' to feel good about herself - and will interpret the lack of 5 minute exchange as pizza eater not being sufficiently grateful.

amother

Oak

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 10:57 am

I had this issue with a good friend who was extremely wealthy and would pay for meals out. I didn't object because the reality was that the money was a trifle for her and it enabled her to eat at places she preferred rather than only the cheapest. She certainly didn't resent it as the offer came from her heart and didn't come from my hinting or having expectations.

Since this was a long term relationship in which I saw her quite a bit, I did try to reciprocate in ways that I could afford - I.e. I would bring over home baked stuff for her family but I wasn't trying to make it even - I was just doing something that made sense - I liked baking/cooking and I could give her better stuff for a fraction of what it would have cost for store-bought. Win win.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:15 pm

It really depends on the situation. Since you hadn't seen her in a while, let her treat you. I think you handled it just right.

On the other hand, if the situation is like Oak Amother, and this is someone you see often, I would offer to pay alternate times, or find a way to give back.

When I lived in the US I often depended on rides from a friend who refused to take gas money from me. She had particularly rowdy children, who happened to like and respect me. She could rarely get a babysitter who could handle them, but for me they behaved very nicely, so I was always happy to watch them once in a while.

Cheiny

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 6:30 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks to you all for making me feel better about it. But for the future, would it be better if I would put up some objection to it at first?

No. If she’s wealthy and she understands yours position and wants to be gracious and generous, just be grateful without overdoing it or repeatedly bringing up the fact that she paid,

amother

Gold

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:08 pm

We have this policy that if you come to visit and we take you out, we pay. I have had to teach some relatives and dd's friends how to say "thank you".

Byw- all these guests have a travel expense when they come and visit.

amother

Green

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:15 pm

amother wrote:

That is so sweet and gracious of you.