YAHRTZEITS | Imamother

Surrendered

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:52 pm

Anything you do, think: May this be as a zchus for an alias Neshama for my loved one. (While you make a brocha or do a Mitzvah, a chesed you do anyways).
You sound like a special person.

sub

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:59 pm

Sponsor sefarim, eyeglassess or anything a shul needs. This way every time someone uses it and reads the name it is an aliya or rememberance My son sponsored an avos ubanim program the week of my father in laws yartzeit. And we are sponsoring my grandaughters chumasim for my grandparents.
Is that maybe something that would help you feel connected to all those you lost?
May you have many simchos in your life.

amother

Amber

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:11 pm

What are you good at in terms of doing mitzvahs? I.E. I am good at social work and parenting. I dedicate a certain amount of time to do it free of charge le'ily nishmas my relative.
I also send a note with all my kids to school and cheder the day of the yurtzeit with the name so the learning and tehillim of that day should benefit our loved ones. Non of the teachers or rebbeim mind. I know some send snack for the whole class and ask that everyone make a brocho.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 8:48 am

I fast on my parents yahrzeits.
I've also learned a sefer in their memory in the past.
I talk to my kids about who they were and good stories and middos on the yahrzeit. I call their kids on the yahrzeit to be menachem and tell a story or memory I have.

I spent time thinking about this too, and over the years, I decided to
concentrate on a mitzva that resonates with who they were, it makes me feel close to the meis. For example, they might have used their car for chesed, had complete emuna in Hashem no matter what happened, cooked meals for people, invited people who were lonely to their shabbos meals and made friends with them, made shalom in the family, ran from kavod and did chesed b'seter, gave incredible kavod to their parents and inlaws, or sacrificed for kids to go to yeshiva.

I try to incorporate something of them into my life. That has been incredibly comforting for me.

zaq

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 9:18 am

amother wrote:

I didn't mean to sound defensive but the reason I came here to talk is bc I tried to talk to a friend about this and she bawled me out saying that I am doing everything Hashem wants me to do as a woman, and wanting to find more things to do is wrong and not a way to honor my family members.

Your friend is off base. Yes, you are doing enough and more than many do, but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to do more if you wish. It’s customary to give tzedaka in the deceased’s memory, preferably to a cause you know that person supported.

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 10:34 am

amother wrote:

There's a book The Neshoma Should have an Aliyah by Rabbi Hebel. It has many ideas of things you can do as an Aliyah for the niftar. Many are appropriate for women.

It looks excellent. I ordered it on amazon. Thank you.