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What’s worse?



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Cheiny




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 2:26 pm
Losing someone close after they suffer with a disease, or having it happen completely suddenly and unexpectedly? Recently someone close passed away completely suddenly at a relatively young age (60ish) and the shock and pain for everyone close was gut wrenching.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 2:54 pm
I have been through both. Each one was awful. Different aspects of each were gut wrenching. I wouldn't say either was harder, just different. The lack of closure versus watching someone you love suffer. Neither is pretty. I wish you the strength you need to heal and process your grief in a healthy way.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 2:56 pm
My mother passed away suddenly. It saddens me that I didn't have a chance to tell her goodbye and how much she meant to me. On the other hand I'm grateful she didn't suffer.

I honestly don't know which is worse.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 2:58 pm
Also the shock of sudden death was such that a couple of years later I'm still very traumatized
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 2:58 pm
We certainly can't compare levels of pain, but the nightmares and pain of remembering the suffering of a loved one, and the decision making while they were sick leaves doubts and painful memories...
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 3:01 pm
We just experienced this last week. It totally is gut wrenching and shocking! The pain is very very deep. And on the topic of shiva, the entire family found shiva amazingly therapeutic and helpful.

The one benefit that we're starting to appreciate is that we never saw this person ill (besides for the last few days) frail, or dependent on others and thus we all have wonderful memories.

Seeing someone deteriorate over time provides more closure, perhaps, and is a slow mourning, but it's awfully gut wrenching to see a loved one suffer.

May we all remain healthy and well until 120.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 3:07 pm
Both are worse.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 3:12 pm
It’s possible to have both.
May we not know of such things.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 5:36 pm
Delete

Last edited by amother on Tue, Feb 12 2019, 1:23 am; edited 1 time in total
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Cheiny




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 5:55 pm
amother wrote:
I have been through both. Each one was awful. Different aspects of each were gut wrenching. I wouldn't say either was harder, just different. The lack of closure versus watching someone you love suffer. Neither is pretty. I wish you the strength you need to heal and process your grief in a healthy way.


Amen, thank you.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Tue, Jan 08 2019, 6:04 pm
Losing someone suddenly is harder on survivors but easier on the dead person because they had no suffering.

Dying in a prolonged manner is more difficult for both the survivors and the sick person especially if it is a painful disease. My grandfather had a slow death from congestive heart failure and the last two years of his life were essentially spent leading a restricted lifestyle and being kept alive by his excellent doctors since treatments for the symptoms of congested heart failure would have to be balanced against inducing kidney issues. For the most part he wasn't in pain but had physical limitations because of his heart and he did not receive any so-called heroic measures but was just sustained through medication and non-invasive procedures. He told me that he wasn't afraid of dying but he was afraid of pain - and I think for the most part he wasn't in pain except for the transient pain of procedures he had done from time to time including eye surgery. But he was 99 when he died and was able to lead a full fairly independent life until the last year or so of his life when he was essentially limited because he would become exhausted just walking short distances.
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