Is there an excuse?

DVOM

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:56 pm

Many thoughts:

First, yes, there are plenty of excuses. Off the top of my head, mental health issues, shalom bayit issues, challenges with kids, challenges with parents, are all good excuses for not keeping a clean, groomed, and well-organized home and person. I'm sure there are thousands of other good excuses that I didn't mention. I don't know many (any?) moms living up to these standards.

My question is, why are you looking for excuses? Who do you need these excuses for? Yourself? Your husband? Your neighbors? Your mom? Who is tallying up your daily productivity and finding you wanting?

I think you need to figure out what you want, what your goals are. My goal is to have a rich, secure attachment with my husband and my kids. These relationships are the most valuable and joyful part of my life. I evaluate the other things I want in my life according to how they will help me reach this primary goal. Does having a cleanish home, nutritious food, and predictable flow to the day help me achieve this goal? For me, it does, so I make this a priority. I also prioritize playing, chatting, and loving touch. Nightly baths and toys put away every night and weekly manicures and home baking are nice things that I'd like to accomplish, but their not really critical to helping me reach my goal, so they are not a top priority. Daily exercise and homemade challah don't even make it on my list. They don't help me achieve my goals. Here are some other things I prioritize that didn't make your list at all but are on the top of mine: listening to music every day, painting, reading, connecting with other professionals in my field. I think if you figure out what you want and what things help you get there, you'll stop agonizing over all the things you 'should' do and start feeling more comfortable and confident in the way you use your time.

dankbar

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:11 pm

Not Every thing goes as planned always. I had made an appt ages ago, which at that time my girl wasn't in school yet & my sons bus comes before 9. Appt was 10 & still needed to travel. Now my dgtr goes to school & only starts at 10, so I had to cancel the appt.

Was waiting for citibus to take me to train.....it just passed me & didn't stop. Starting walking to train which takes 3x the time the bus would've taken. I hopped onto next bus in middle of way....my metrocard didn't have enough money.

On train, I was nervous about a suspicious guy, so hopped off the train & needed to wait for another train. By time I got to Manhattan was so late & didn't get to do everything that was on the plan.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:15 pm

DVOM wrote:

IN MY OPINION, THIS IS THE BEST ANSWER!

naturalmom5

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:29 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

My kids eat cereal for breakfast everyday. Although this morning I made my husband an omelette which my son promptly stole.
But shouldn’t these things be done everyday? Or weekly? Like baking.

What is the excuse not to? What are you doing all day? Between the hours of 7:00-4:00?

I had a very close friend about 20 years ago when my children were small . She advised me that if anyone asked me this I should say smile and say "absolutely nothing", "I sit on the beach and eat bon bons

dankbar

Thu, Jan 10 2019, 1:39 am

Truth is when people are home with babies & toddler house just gets messed up again & again. When people are working & leaving their babies by babysitter they leave mess there. Mostly working moms houses are sometimes cleaner because the way you left it in morn that's how you find it upon entering, whereas mom & kids staying home during day mess it up ( besides for cleaning up)

When I had two kids home, they used make big-time trouble all day, they were a team.. Shpritz ketchup, baby powder, balmex, toothpaste. Unpack cabinets, drawers. Unroll paper towel, silver paper. Spill stuff....empty the toilet bowl onto each others heads, scribble up the walls.....

Ruchel

Thu, Jan 10 2019, 5:18 am

amother wrote:

No one wants to be known as a slob, relative to neighbors. I think frum people have more pressure in this area. It might hurt for a Shidduch (I know people ask others about the mother's cleanliness, especially when its a girl).

They don't. Not ONCE was this a question in long years of me doing shiduchim as a part time thing (like a half time job but basically free).

amother

Gold

Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:47 am

Ruchel wrote:

They don't. Not ONCE was this a question in long years of me doing
shiduchim as a part time thing (like a half time job but basically free).

Perhaps not in your neck of the woods, but very much so in my experiences in Brooklyn. There may be many differences in different crowds.

I know for a fact that in the frummie "Heimish" Belgian and English crowds, the mothers reputation as a balebusta counts a lot.

amother

Khaki

Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:48 am

so ironic. my father alav hashalom was from Belgium. My maternal grandmother alav hashalom was wealthy and kept a spic and span house. My mother may she live and be well is a doll and a very loving mother but cooking, cleaning, organizing, shopping... are all not her forte. You can't always judge a girl by her mother just saying...