Guests wanting you to babysit -WWYD

boots

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

Sure.

Do you think in that scenario it didn't cross the askers mind that the family may volunteer to do the babysitting?

Why should it cross her mind? It wouldn't have crossed mine.

mha3484

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:42 pm

From a parents perspective I cant understand how you can be comfortable leaving a baby or toddler with a stranger on shabbos when no one can call you if there is a problem. I am one of the least paranoid people you will ever meet when it comes to parenting but this is really borderline neglectful IMO.

Orchid

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:30 pm

amother wrote:

I think the split on what acceptable is divided among givers and takers.

Wow. I find that personally offensive AMOTHER. Since we differ on what an acceptable question is, I guess I'm a "taker," huh? You have no idea what I do for other people to make such a broad, offensive, judgement call.

(Quick recap: I said the question itself was offensive, another amother replied that how one interprets the question is a function of how broadly they apply the mitzva of hachnasas orchim, and this amother up here just said, yeah, if you perceive the question as inappropriate that just means you're a "taker.")

You hear that ladies? For all the ways we kill ourselves and make ourselves into shmattas caring for others every hour of the day (and night), for all the ways we deny our own health and comfort for the benefit of others, if we dare think this question is inappropriate, well then, we're just TAKERS is all.

Rolling Eyes

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 4:32 pm

I know asking my mil to babysit is different. That’s my point. It’s not ok to ask others to watch your kids. Your kids don’t even know these people and it’s not for 5 minutes it’s for hours. Totally not nice to ask. I am saying I feel uncomfortable asking MIL even though I know she would be totally ok with it because I feel bad imposing.

amother

White

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 4:54 pm

Orchid wrote:

What are you talking about being personally offended?

I didn't quote your post. I actually agree with your points until this last post. If someone thinks the question is inappropriate, they are probably the givers. It's the ones who make themselves into schmattas to take care of the community realize that there must be boundaries of what is appropriate and what isn't.

mig100

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:22 pm

amother wrote:

What is the correct thing to do when putting up guests for a simcha in a neighborhood that does not have an eruv? IME, finding teenagers that are willing to babysit on Shabbos is close to impossible - it barely qualifies as an option.

Not that hosts have to babysit, but I wouldn't have thought that asking is absoultely verboten. I remember when I was a teenager and guests with babies stayed in our house for a simcha and left those babies and it was no big deal. I would not be so quick to do it now when I have a house full of my own babies and little ones and no teenaged helpers.

Shabbos Singh is with young children r complicated especially if there's no eiruv

Sometimes the guests have a close friend or family nearby. As a teenager I've done that several times.

Personally if I have kids that means not being able to attend every family simchaeven my own siblings for entire time.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:38 pm

One of the freak things when people go for simchas, even if they hire a babysitter...they stay till the very end. If you go for a meal and you leave children...you don't have to close the hall !!!

Its Friday

Sat, Jan 12 2019, 10:00 pm

Do you know the couple? Did you plan on going to that simcha as well? What neighborhood? I have babysat once to someone instead of going to her simcha but I owed her for big favors they did to me and she prefered I babysit her own kid to being there. But she is the baal simcha herself. I dont miss simchas normally.
What is your relationship to the baal simcha? To the guest? If you have very little with the guest you can for sure say you want to be part of the kidush so they need to take turns then.

If you are still hosting as long as you set your reasonable rules in advance you cab make easier. You can ask MIL their phone number because you want to know what crib they prefer (excuse) and tell guest in advance that by desert one of them has to be back . You can also say you are only babysitting the meals but not the bavarfenn because you want to be there. (If its a bavarfen and you dont wanna feel abused). As long as they know way in advance. But leave MIL out speak to guest directly.
But it really depends who what when where