At low point in my mommyhood

amother

Royalblue

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:57 am

I love my kids. 7,6,4,2. I could spend all day texting my husband the cute smart funny and inspiring things they say and do.
But also being their mom has me so worn down
U know those families with many kids where the 4 yr old will serve herself cereal for breakfast and the 5 yr old will dress the 3 yr old... and u think, but of course they hafta learn how to help themselves cuz moms got her hands full...
so I have my hands full and my kids do not or cannot help themselves. They are always talking over each other, requesting things (often that they can do themselves) and when I respond that they’ll hafta wait if they want help they spend the duration whining.
My 7 yr old has become super belligerent. He shouts at me. calls his sibs n I mean names (stupid, I hate u...) puts in little effort n demands I pull through for him in the last minute
My 6 yr old is super resentful that she is not more in control of her life and involves her sibs in plans to trick or disobey me (fri night she nonchalantly asked dh what time he goes to sleep. Then at 3am I heard her trying to wake her sibs. She wanted to sneak downstairs for more playtime)
My 4yr old is an attention hog n starts talking or needing something soon as he sees a dif sib or dh talking to me.
Help! I feel like I’m falling and I can’t get up

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:05 am

Start by telling yourself that the biggest challenge right now is that your reality is not meeting your expectations. Your expectations are the reality for some people, but right now, not for you (or for very many families!).

Sit down and think (or write down) what your new expectations are going to be. Make sure this is based in the reality of who each member of your family is, and where each one is holding in different aspects of life. Set a small goal to focus on with each child, and leave everything else out. When you catch yourself getting frustrated, remind yourself that it's really about your expectations.

amother

Wine

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:07 am

Mothering is SO hard.
What works is firm and emotionless.
They see you getting worked up they know they’re whining or fighting works.

Just stick to you commands, stick to your guns, and be very strict without showing a bit a emotion.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:09 am

Does it help to hear that this is totally normal? They will grow up.
One thing I did when my kids were small was try to answer yes whenever I could. As in :can you help me with my sweater? Answer: yes, I would love to help. I will come just as soon as I finish doing whatever I'm doing.
I found that often they just wanted that yes

syrima

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:16 am

Yes it's very hard and normal too. While you can't give every kid attention when they want it, and whining should be ignored, never rewarded, I think giving each kid some special positive time with you regularly would help, especially with the older ones. The theory is that if they can count on even 10-15 minutes of your attention, they wont need to seek it in negative ways.