Operation Calm - please help me out

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 2:53 pm

amother wrote:

1.) be very well organised (have everything layed out the day before, have lists...) dont add stress caused by poor organisation, be rather early than late

2.) have calmzones (for example an mp3 player with relaxing music and a soft blanket to cuddle in one corner of the kids room, a small desk with pastel coloured pencils and paper for another child to unwind...they can choose a calmzone alone whenever they feel they need it)

3.) daven , daven with teh kids to H' to make your house a house of peace) (I know this sounds meshugge, it has worked for us though

4.) make sure the kids do things/activities regularily without their siblings. for example take one kid ice skating another one to a pizza place a third one to the zoo...whatever they are into, and have quality time with them. without other siblings. (this is so hard to organise and also costs, but for us this is so important it takes so much tension away somehow)

5.) if you do things together document each NICE moment (a photobook or a collage) it is like a self fulfilling prophecy, the kids see that they got along and didnt quetch, so they can see this side of their personality displayed and they can work on achieving this behaviour again, because they DO associate it in apositive way AND the family cherrishes their attempt by displaying these memories

6.) yes I think under certain circumstances medication is the way to go

7.) MOMMY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! no matter how toughthey get and how unharmonical the house may be, if YOU feel that YOU HAVE BEEN TREATED WELL you can handel the situation better. BE NICE TO YOURSELF

Thank you!
Amazing ideas, I need to daven that I should be successful implementing each one!
I'm going to start a notebook just for these ideas - if I can do one small thing a day I hope we can see change.
The organization peice is something I've been thinking for a while. It is so hard for me, I try, but I'm a little underdeveloped in that area - we moved some time ago, and I still feel so discombobulated, and now we are all used to the discombobulated feeling. It feels like it will take years just to undo just that!

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 3:52 pm

amother wrote:

I would be concerned about giving Motrin without any proven reason to do so.
It may not be PANDAS, it may just be that we have a lot of rigidity and tension in our family right now, and a neurological tendency to tics.

totally respect that, just curious if you wouldnt want to at least give it a shot before putting your kid on psych meds? I am probably the most anti medication person on this entire board but motrin has been life changing here. And getting an appointment can take a while... as far as neurological tendency to tics, your family might very well be predisposed genetically to tics but there is still an environmental factor triggering them and infections are a very likely culprit.

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 5:56 am

ok if organisation is difficult: please get rid of ALL UNNECCESSARY stuff. kids who have difficulty to focus and concentrate need a simple organsiation-frame.

the simpler the better: it will also be much easier to keep things clean/neat/tidy this way.

it does take a lot of work and adjustment time to get there, but hey you have mastered other things in life. dont be hard on yourself, do small steps towards the right direction, these will bring you super far. trust me: btdt

ones systems are implemented you can slowly involve kids and give them responsibilities. might improve their selfperspection (works for some). for example my 4 year old may turn on the dishwasher and then collect all laundry (that lies around in their bedroom) in a basket, which we decorated. only he may do it, he loves this chore and it saves me time.

the six year old likes to babysit the baby for 10 minutes so that mommy can shower. in return he gets to bed 10 minutes later. often baby sleeps anyway, so he can read during that time, but hey I got to shower and he has a privilege of going to bed later.

I was told that giving prices (gifts, nash or material stuff) is bad. but my 4 year old ONLY will go to bed (after a bedtime routine, tfile, kiss, story) if we document it. if he manages 10 times (not consecutive) he will get a small something (like a baloon or funny pencil). he simply will not stay in bed otherwise. and he needs his sleep. we have tried everything. he is not stingy and can share nicely. I dont know why this works, but it does and for me it is worth it to spemd 20 cents every fortnight if I know ds will stay in bed. we have a chart and document it in a very nice way. he is proud when he manages well, and im happy that he sleeps. he was so sleepdeprived before and that just added to our overall tension. also I dont shout at him at night., we have thiese rules, and the little gift helps him to stay on track. maybe I should find a new method, but for now it sok. definitely better than before.

see what works for you. but make sure that rituals and structure are availabe.

another idea:
my younger ones also enjoy kids' yoga (which is not really yoga it is more like stretching). we found a cd with instructions and very calm background music on sale (it was like 3 euro) and it works wonders. I guess youtube has tons, but we dont have a portable internetdevice.

we get down on the floor. everyone needs enough space. one child picks the track (we have a jar with little numbercards to pull from 1-14) another kid sets the cd player and 5 minutes of quality time for all of us.

it all sounds nice in theory but it is hard work and it does take time to adjust. it has helped us very much and I believe it is worth it.

it is perfect? no but at least I have tools other than yelling, getting frustrated etc. overall the house is much calmer, as if everyone found his/her place.

hazlacha