What's your big challenge in Life??? HUGS!

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 1:41 pm

Honeydew I realized the best way to keep place tidy is to get rid off stuff or at least put it in storage like basement or donate it. Less stuff equals easier to cleanliness. I am so sorry for your and other people’s pain. I cry in my heart daily. I am so numb that my tears have dried out but for some reason when I read struggles on this forum my tears start to run. Absolutely no words to console these pain. I am still struggling on the inside yet on the outside especially those who don’t know my struggles think that I am happy. I give smile to everyone I greet. I might be silently crying on my bed in the dark yet laugh at my husbands jokes to hide my pain.
This thread teaches me that everyone has struggles.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 1:41 pm

amother wrote:

So, Many of us are going through much pain and big challenges now. Daaga B'Lev Ish Yisuchenu. Let's share our most difficult challenge anonymously and receive hugs and Support from our fellow friends here.

Please give us a hug if you feel along with our pain and send some words of encouragement. And bring in some sunshine to those in real pain Hug

Primary, then Secondary Infertility
Strained relationship with family
3 single siblings (1 divorced)
loss of govt assistance and income
lack of friendships

Surrendered

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:55 pm

For those who are lacking a friend, can I be your friend? We're all your friends here! Maybe we can out arrange an online lunch outing (just like we had with the Chanukah party here).
For the ones who are struggling with structure and cleanliness in the home, there's help out there.
There's a 'FREE hotline called Hakol Beseder', which guides and gives you tips daily on home management. She also gives courses and guidance via phone or in person. Call 347 772 1188, you owe it to yourself.

amother

Puce

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

Swimming in waves of grief. I carried a beautiful daughter for 9 full months and unexpectedly she died most likely due to difficult birth. She was only 2 days old yet she expressed such maturity. She opened her eyes a lot and communicated with me. She loved being held and undressed. She would look all around during diaper changes. She was gorgeous.
I feel like I am tying slowly each day. My insides are so numb. I pull through each day knowing my older kids have no one but their parents. Absolutely no grandparent or aunt/ uncle involvement. I lost a lot of friends because I realized they lied about a lot. They showed no remorse or empathy to my pain so I stopped talking about my pain.
Some tell me I should get pregnant again but I suffer from hyperemesis and long difficult labors. I lost my way in life. Some days I love Hashem other days I feel how can he allow this to happen knowing how much I suffered trying to bring life onto this earth.

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

amother

Pearl

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:54 am

Your posts brought tears to my eyes. There is so much suffering. I am having all of you in mind.
I feel like my challenge is nothing compared to these.... Currently it is that my son won't sleep normally so I spend most of the night dealing with him. Once he comes to my room, he is great but before that can be a disaster. Bh we see baby steps in the right direction.
Bh, thank you Hashem for my my loving family, parnassa, and health.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 2:46 pm

There are too many to list, but some of the current big ones:

I don't think anyone in the world truly loves or cares about me.

My marriage is not that great, but I've resigned myself to that. My husband hates dealing with kids and wants a small family but failed to mention that while we were dating or during the beginning of our marriage. He wants me on birth control indefinitely which is like a slap in the face to someone who has gone through fertility treatments and infertility and the like, who's main joy in life is my children and who's main goal in life is to have a nice family.

Infertility and many miscarriages. A very difficult to deal with child (but so glad I have that child).

Parents who I hate because of the way they treated/treat me. I feel so sad when I hear people so sad because they miss their amazing parent who died, and I wonder why Hashem keeps my awful parents alive to further torment me. I actually feel jealous of those people because at least they had that wonderful parent child relationship for some time, where as it's something I never had. I wish my parents would've died young and let the loving parents of others live longer. I know that sounds awful. Or better yet, it would've been better if I'd never been born. My parents told me I was conceived by mistake and my father wanted a boy not me. A monster of a father completely incapable of love. I struggle a lot with self-esteem, whuch is probably evident from my post.

Trauma from a different relative who made my life very difficult for a number of years that continues to haunt me all the time so much so that I can't be anywhere near them and cringe when I hear their name. Luckily I no longer live anywhere near them, but family gatherings are hard.

Being a failure at almost everything in life. Everyone disappointed in me and telling me that I'm not living up to my potential. Etc, etc.

amother

Olive

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 5:12 pm

Ouch ouch Cobalt, that really hurts! We're here for you, we think you're a special person.
You yourself need to believe you're a special person because Hashem decided to have you in his world for a reason.
I'm sure you're a great wife and mother.
(Maybe when you get involved a doing a chesed for someone you'll feel self worth). Learn strategies on creating self esteem. Disregard the stupid insensitive comments from your parents, these comments are downright rude and obnoxious to tell a child. Mentally block them out of your life. If they hurt you so much- You can visit them physically but disconnect emotionally.
Hugs

amother

Violet

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 6:19 pm

neglected in childhood and it is still affecting me and my relationships today in many many ways (like self esteem, body image, trust, ability to accept love, ability to risk failure, ability to work hard, ability to feel my emotions, etc)
abused by a teacher in high school
Not on speaking terms with most of my immediate family do to their dysfunction/disorders
I have a child that was molested/needed severe intervention because the damage made him practically psychotic
various health issues
secondary infertility

Bh, I am at the point where I can see a lot of good that has come out of these things. My family is highly therapized. The good in my life is tremendous and I am so grateful for it. I try to accept my emotions as they come--suffering is just one facet of the human experience. I've done a lot of inner work...and there's still a long way to go. Hugs to all those who are hurting.

amother

Jade

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 7:11 pm

Here we go, husband has depression and npd. He doesn't always take his meds and very difficult to live with. One child with autism and behavioral difficulties in a special ed school and crazy expenses that aren't covered. Another child with severe learning disabilities. I always ask why does everything in my lie have to be bad. Why can't I have had a normal husband or at least easy children? This is what gd wants for me and I'm dealing with it one day at a time

9mother

Wed, Jan 16 2019, 6:52 am

Dankbar.
You are so right with the challenges were facing . And how when were some it, we see we passed the test. And I wanted to just add that,
We also are building our olam Haba ,and making it better. Wouldnt we all climb that hard hard mountain with bruises, if we knew at the end we would, I.e. get to see our desiezed mother, or a life of full parnassah, or health, or shalom bayis, or happiness, or rewinding time, or etc... right? Wouldnt we all do that? Most of our anseers would probably be yeah. You know why? Because you know whats coming at the end! So if we know whats coming at the end, wouldnt we go thru these challenges, biahava? Bsimcha?(curious to know) yes or no?
Same thing is with olam Habbah! Every challenge and every nisayon that we go thru is there to help us get a more beautiful olam habba. N if we really know how beautiful it is, then(food for thought) what we do about it?🤷‍♂️

amother

Blonde

Wed, Jan 16 2019, 7:01 am

amother wrote:

The biggest challenge (although there are others) is abusive husband, living in helll, cannot leave yet, he gaslights consistently, he wakes me every night, sooo tired, makes everything worse, makes it more difficult to do what I need to do. No support except therapist on occasion as I can afford. I wish I had support from a mentor or Rebbitzen or friend but who really wants to be burdened with this. Sometimes I talk to H' other times I can't bring myself to.

Oh my! I feel sooo sooo sorry for you!!! You are right it is really reallly bad and hard to live with an abusive husband. But I do see in your post that there are some good things there. However when one is in there situeation, it is extremely hard to see any good. That the yetzer horahs work doing a great job! If you want you can dm me n I can try to help you navigate this. So you can feel better already. Lots of hugs to you!!

amother

Dodgerblue

Fri, Jan 18 2019, 12:13 am

So many sad stories here! The pain is Unreal!
My heart hurts for all of you who are hurting.

plenty of fun problems growing up, but my latest issue is having 2 kids with bilateral clubfoot. For those who Bh don’t know, treatment involves casting
A tiny newborn in full leg casts - toe to thigh for about 8-9 weeks, minor surgical procedure snipping the tendons, and wearing bars special shoes connected by a bar for 3 months full time, then nightly up to 4 yrs. tears and tefillos and hope that it doesn’t regress.
both times was a surprise, first time didn’t do a sono so we were oblivious, with my second they said the baby doesn’t have it. I rem going for a second opinion for my older one who was 2 at the time, I was devastated to hear she’ll need surgery and casting for weeks. But I rem thinking, Bh the baby is ok! Well the joke was on me. Went into labor that day, and everything turned sour. Literally. They didn’t have a deliver room for me so labored in recovery, with babies crying next bed. recovered in one big room with multiple patients and little white room dividers. Best part for the last. For delivery they wheeled me into Or and that’s why I was all alone when I looked down and saw my second baby with clubfoot. I felt like on a very tall roller coaster where you feel your stomach dropping beneath you. Was a very hard time. All I was thinking was what’s gonna be in the future? Right now my big one still needs treatment tho I’m very negligent, we can’t see ourselves taking care of my little girl with cast and going thru surgery. And I have to somehow get over the very rational fear of mine cuz I want to have many more kids! Meanwhile, I’m basically a happy smiling girl. I forget about my problems...
I’m also lacking in friends, would love to make some friends I can relate to and go out with
May Hashem help all His Children, bimhieru