A day in the life of my fictional couple

amother

Coral

Thu, Jan 17 2019, 6:30 pm

I need some help with a story I'm writing. Basically, I know what I want my characters to do, but I'm coming up blank on what kinds of incidents would drive them to respond the way I want them to respond.

I have this fictional couple. They are generally very loving and sweet and look out for each other, but they have some communication issues. The husband tends to hide when he's feeling hurt. Just go off and get absorbed in his hobby and avoid the issue until his wife confronts him.

The wife is not very good at expressing her feelings and gets upset when her husband can't figure out what he did wrong, even though she hasn't said anything.

I'm basically looking for ideas for general incidents, likely to come up in family life, that might provoke these behaviors, so that I can show them responding in the way I described. Thanks.

Zehava

Thu, Jan 17 2019, 6:48 pm

Financial disagreements are one of the most common issues in marriage. One partner spending too much or not working, things like that.
Differences in child rearing methods, different standards of cleanliness and organization, trouble with in-laws etc.

amother

Coral

Thu, Jan 17 2019, 6:57 pm

I know those are the main areas. I'm trying to think a little more specifically. What kind of financial disagreement might send the husband fleeing into avoidance? What might happen to make the wife all huffy and then expect her husband to figure it out? Basically, I have my characters fleshed out, but I need some plot points that show it.

doodlesmom

Thu, Jan 17 2019, 7:20 pm

At what stage is the couple?

Newlyweds can have arguments over where to be for shabbos or in law involvements.
Couples with young kids deal with child care frustration when a kid is sick.

And so forth.

How about a financial disagreement where she wants to buy a gift for someone and he feels it's not necessary. She's working and earning her money so feels she has the right to spend etc.... or vice versa

oliveoil

Thu, Jan 17 2019, 7:22 pm

amother wrote:

So you want someone to write your story for you?

OutATowner

Thu, Jan 17 2019, 7:23 pm

You have to get to know your characters better. You need to envision a scene and feel like you are in the room with them.
I have a few ideas, but if they don't fit with the characters you have in mind you lose the authenticity of your characters.

ora_43

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 11:51 am

Late reply here, and you've probably figured it out, but some random ideas:

- he buys something expensive for the house, expecting her to like it. She gets angry because how does he not realize that money is tight? He's hurt because he wanted to make her happy and instead she's mad.

- he makes plans to spend a day with a sibling, she's mad because he didn't even ask her. He doesn't get what the big deal is.

- he offers to watch the kids so she can nap/work/whatever, and then ends up letting them run wild and stuffing them full of candy. She is not impressed.

- he goes on and on about how nice the neighbor's house looks, she thinks he's insinuating that she's not good enough at housekeeping.

- he invites guests over for a Shabbos meal at the last minute; she's at the end of her rope and wants to cry at the thought of putting on a perky face for strangers.

ora_43

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 11:56 am

OutATowner is right about thinking about the specific characters. I'm focusing on the idea that the scenario starts with him doing something to make her mad. So... is he the type to be a little too quick to give time/money to whoever asks for it? Is he the type to occasionally forget a direct request? Is he the type who means well, but certain things (like, don't feed kids candy just before dinner, don't wash your new black pants with your wife's new white shirt) just don't occur to him?

Or maybe he's sensitive to criticism? Maybe they have different views on a major issue, like, how to relate to their parents?

turca

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 11:57 am

ora_43 wrote:

Lol
Only the husband messes up?

ora_43

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 12:28 pm

turca wrote:

Lol
Only the husband messes up?

Lol, I noticed that too... I guess I locked onto the idea that he upset her somehow.

Hmm... wife messing up... (based on what OP said I'm assuming a situation where the problem is that she didn't make her expectations clear)

She expected him to realize that she wanted him to be available Thursday night to help her cook for a kiddush.

She criticizes him too harshly for a minor "offense," eg, "ugh, how many times do I have to tell you these lightbulbs are too expensive? You never listen to me."

She tells him she's afraid of a break-in after a neighbor's house was robbed. He makes sure to lock the windows before he goes off to do something in the evening. She's irritated because what she wanted was for him to offer to stay home with her.

She doesn't understand why he still hasn't bought her a bigger washing machine when she's complained so many times about how much she hates their small one.

She told him she wants to take it easy this Shabbat, so he thoughtfully arranged for them to go to his parents' house so that they won't need to cook on Friday. What she meant was that she wanted to sit around the house in her pajamas reading a book; now she has to get dressed properly and go make nice with her in-laws. She's mad he didn't realize.

... this is harder than the other way around. Wives are just so perfect.

amother

Coral

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:09 pm

I ended up getting past my block :-) They're a newlywed couple who are both poor communicators (but for different reasons). So far, I have written some interactions where the wife got upset over something she expected her husband to "chap" and he didn't, because, well, he's not a mind reader. I also had them have a really big argument over the wife's sister, where both husband and wife were wrong. The sister did some very upsetting things and while the wife was too quick to defend her sister at the expense of her husband, the husband went to far in his reaction and criticism of his SIL, which was very hurtful to the wife. I am now at a point where the couple is trying to patch things up after that one, so we'll see where we end up next :-)

dankbar

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 6:42 pm

You all are stating normal minor misunderstandings....what about something much more dramatic.....he had a friend from yeshiva who's an insurance agent or investor....convince him to take his chasuna money & invest big to make you rich quick with big numbers....he didn't consult with his wife....woman was relying on their chasuna money to make a big purchase....she went with her mom to choose....but when she needed to pay....the money was gone....he thought it was no big deal because he would have triple the money fast....but his friend was a swindler, or investment just went sour, or company closed & filed bankruptcy. Now she's all mad, she can't have her couch or vacation or down payment, plus lost the trust In her husband...& has to come up with a lie what to tell her mom....instead of each consulting with each other first or communicating after the fact she goes around sulking....& not making dinner, he doesnt know why....he gets lost with his phone that he got addicted to...

dankbar

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 6:47 pm

Also he is afraid to tell her the truth, so he comes up with excuses to push time, she then figured out some way from a phone call, or a note, or from checking his phone....or from stepping outside every time he tried contacting his friend & pacing....

dankbar

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 6:50 pm

Every time she was fantasizing what type of couch she likes & how it will look in their living room, her husband didn't chap that it was real, and she's planning to get one soon, he thought she's just dreaming, so he didn't know he needs to have the money available right now....