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Feel like a bad mom



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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2019, 7:55 pm
Sometimes I go to bed and relive my day and the many things wrong I did as a mother. ie. I yelled at my kid too much. I find I yell too much. My husband and I just recently had a conversation about that I tell way too much. It makes me feel horrible after that I made my kids cry. But at that time, I can’t help it but now I can’t go to sleep from thinking about it. Sad
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judithc




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2019, 9:15 pm
Would it help to write down or even just make a mental review each morning thanking Hashem for your precious children and one nice compliment or special gesture that you can do for each child individually. And also don't stress over what was, children are resilient, just plan to do better in the future.
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jerusalem90




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2019, 10:22 pm
Sometimes you have to do things to make children cry -- easy example : when I change my newborn's diaper it makes him cry. Or just not giving in to a toddler's tantrum. Or putting to sleep a tired baby who is a sleep-fighter.

On the other hand, it is totally possible to be unnecessarily harsh with children and cause them unnecessary grief.

So without knowing you or your situation, we can't tell you whether you
A) suffer from anxiety about being a bad mother, when you are in fact doing basically the right things
Or B) really are too harsh with your children and would benefit from a parenting course/book or anger management.

What do you think it is? Do you think you have a yelling problem, or do you think you have a guilt problem about not being a perfect parent?
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imorethanamother




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 17 2019, 10:39 pm
I also yell too much. I'm working on myself not to yell at my kids.

I read this article by Rabbi Dr. Jerry Lob and I printed it out. I love it, and it reminds me how much I need to be present and kind to my children.

http://www.aish.com/f/p/A-Fath......html

Print it out and post it in your closet, on your door. Or in your bathroom. It doesn't always work, but it helps.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Fri, Jan 18 2019, 7:23 am
Did you grow up in a home where there was a lot of yelling? If so, you may need help in overcoming it.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Fri, Jan 18 2019, 7:32 am
amother wrote:
Did you grow up in a home where there was a lot of yelling? If so, you may need help in overcoming it.


There isn’t always a correlation. My mother never once raised her voice to me, my house was calm and quiet and yet I raise my voice often. We aren’t just a product of our upbringing.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Fri, Jan 18 2019, 7:35 am
amother wrote:
There isn’t always a correlation. My mother never once raised her voice to me, my house was calm and quiet and yet I raise my voice often. We aren’t just a product of our upbringing.


True, but if it's coming from your own home, it might be more challenging to correct.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Fri, Jan 18 2019, 8:33 am
amother wrote:
Did you grow up in a home where there was a lot of yelling? If so, you may need help in overcoming it.


No. There wasn’t a lot of yelling in my house. It’s just sometimes I feel such frustration and the only outlet that I do is yelling.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Fri, Jan 18 2019, 8:35 am
imorethanamother wrote:
I also yell too much. I'm working on myself not to yell at my kids.

I read this article by Rabbi Dr. Jerry Lob and I printed it out. I love it, and it reminds me how much I need to be present and kind to my children.

http://www.aish.com/f/p/A-Fath......html

Print it out and post it in your closet, on your door. Or in your bathroom. It doesn't always work, but it helps.


I looked at this article and it really spoke to me. Thank you. On one hand it made me realize what I was doing wrong to my kids and made me feel bad. But it also helped. Thank you.
I know it’s a problem that I have to work in and I hope to get better.
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