 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
|
amother
Lavender
|
 Thu, Jan 17 2019, 5:23 am
I am in my low thirties. I was diagnosed last year. I started meds a few weeks ago. Funnily enough, I always joked about having ADHD, it was only last year, when I started therapy for other things, that it dawned on me that I actually probably do have it. It was actually quite a relief to get that diagnosis. Finally, I knew why I’m different. Part of me feels regret. I feel so upset about my past mistakes and failures. If only I would have had the tools to help myself. I always try so hard, yet I make the same mistakes over and over again. I also feel anger towards my parents. Why didn’t they do something to help me? Instead, they just teased me and laughed at me for being spaced out and having my head in the clouds. They made me believe that I am a screw up. They never trusted me to get anything right, and as a result, I never do. Now that I am on meds, I definitely see somewhat of a difference. But they are a low dose, and I definitely still have a hard time focusing on tasks or focusing when people talk to me. My brain still jumps from topic to topic and I still interrupt myself a lot. I’m still pretty hyperactive too. I am an adult that still feels the urge to randomly jump up and down for no reason. I don’t do it, but sometimes I want to. I am very childlike in a lot of ways, so people don’t take me seriously a lot of the time. It doesn’t help that I am slight with a baby face. (Although I’m not complaining about that) right now I just feel confused and sad. I feel like I wasted my life. I want to get back on track. I need the strength to go on. It’s just so hard.
If anyone else would like to add to this thread, please do. (Not only if you have ADHD) I would love to hear anyone’s thoughts and opinions.
| |
|
| Back to top |
 0
|
Happydance
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 5:26 am
|
Its very validating to have a dx, but stimulants dont work for me and I struggle in so many areas
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
|
|
amother
Lavender
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 5:38 am
| Happydance wrote: | | Its very validating to have a dx, but stimulants dont work for me and I struggle in so many areas |
Can you give more detail?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
amother
Lavender
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 12:51 pm
|
Nobody else on here with ADHD? Or kids or dh with ADHD?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
amother
Mauve
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 1:27 pm
I think I may have ADD without the H. Also low thirties. Terrified to actually look deeper into it. And scared medicine won’t be an option bec I’m pregnant and enjoy nursing for at least 2 years. And want to have a couple more kids iyh throughout my thirties. I manage but with difficulty. Hold down a job nicely, take good care of my family, but I struggle terribly with housework, time management, and any tedious jobs that come along with being an adult. We survive bec I have a lot of cleaning help & a husband who helps a ton with running the house (but is resentful I don’t do more). And my home is far from the organized place I wish it would be. I could be impatient, or restless but bec I’m introverted & on the shy side most don’t pick up on it.
I don’t remember any issues before I got married. I did well academically, and socially, and was actually super neat & organized! I made deadlines but was often very last minute /and kept crazy sleep hours. I may have been a little spacey, and always had a hard time listening to speeches.
I don’t want to derail this thread, but am following & would love to hear more details OP! And kol hakovod for tackling this issue head on! So sorry your parents are so unsupportive. I hope at least your husband is.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
AhuvasIma
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 2:32 pm
|
Im also low 30s and realized I had ADHD when dealing with my daughter who was diagnosed with it in kindergarten. I've been on medicine through recent pregnancy and nursing. I'm not functional without it. Unless I'm under tremendous pressure, I don't get anything done without medicine.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
amother
Mauve
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 2:50 pm
| AhuvasIma wrote: | | Im also low 30s and realized I had ADHD when dealing with my daughter who was diagnosed with it in kindergarten. I've been on medicine through recent pregnancy and nursing. I'm not functional without it. Unless I'm under tremendous pressure, I don't get anything done without medicine. |
It’s safe?? Didn’t realize it’s possible.,,
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
amother
Red
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 3:05 pm
I am diagnosed with ADD (without the "H") and have been diagnosed since middle school. I didn't start taking medication until the last years of high school though (I refused to take it before then- I was worried it would change me or whatever). Medication changed everything. I was able to do well in school. People actually wanted MY notes vs. me not having any notes at all, just scribbles and doodles and lost papers and assignments. I started getting As and Bs instead of Cs and Ds.
I have continued medication since then and I can't imagine life without it. Yes I'm totally dependent on it but that's OK for me. I don't understand how those of you who DON'T take medication do it- how you struggle through to get things done. I'm saying that in an "I'm amazed of you" kind of way- not trying to put you down at all.
Even on medication I still have ADD tendencies and have to fight against them. I procrastinate like crazy, my house is a mess (even though I DREAM of being organized) and I have a hard time prioritizing.
As for pregnancy- I took a lower dose while pregnant and nursing. I'm pregnant again and am on a lower dose once again. It's like any medication- you have to do research and speak with your doctors and decide if it's worth any risks and all that. Weigh in the sanity of the mother and if you can cope without it or not.
| |
|
| Back to top |
4
|
|
amother
Sienna
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 3:20 pm
Op, thanks for starting this thread. It's validating to read the responses.
I'm on Adderall. I'm in my 30s, and though I realized years ago that I have ADD, I pursued treatment only last year.
So sad I did not do so earlier. I remember the first time I davened shacharis after starting meds. I never had experienced such a focused and uplifting tefilla before. I remember thinking, so this is what it's like for the rest of the world? I'd always been such a poor davener,
| |
|
| Back to top |
6
|
|
amother
Blush
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 3:34 pm
I was sure I had it all through hs, but my parents resisted getting me tested. Finally got tested towards the end of college, and was on meds for a very short time. I spent years too stressed and sleep deprived because I couldn't do work unless it was last minute.
As a teacher, I make it through my day just fine since jumping is good, but I struggle to keep my house in order. BH my husband is a tsaddik and helps, and when it comes down to pressure, it all gets done.
I am now that teacher that's outspoken about getting kids help of any sort when they need it, and wish I was confident enough to use my own story.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
|
|
amother
Olive
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 4:21 pm
| amother wrote: | I am diagnosed with ADD (without the "H") and have been diagnosed since middle school. I didn't start taking medication until the last years of high school though (I refused to take it before then- I was worried it would change me or whatever). Medication changed everything. I was able to do well in school. People actually wanted MY notes vs. me not having any notes at all, just scribbles and doodles and lost papers and assignments. I started getting As and Bs instead of Cs and Ds.
I have continued medication since then and I can't imagine life without it. Yes I'm totally dependent on it but that's OK for me. I don't understand how those of you who DON'T take medication do it- how you struggle through to get things done. I'm saying that in an "I'm amazed of you" kind of way- not trying to put you down at all.
Even on medication I still have ADD tendencies and have to fight against them. I procrastinate like crazy, my house is a mess (even though I DREAM of being organized) and I have a hard time prioritizing.
As for pregnancy- I took a lower dose while pregnant and nursing. I'm pregnant again and am on a lower dose once again. It's like any medication- you have to do research and speak with your doctors and decide if it's worth any risks and all that. Weigh in the sanity of the mother and if you can cope without it or not. | I'm the one in the other thread who took Concerta for 13 years and has been off of it for 5 years.
I am very grateful to be off it. Life is a struggle but now I feel that my accomplishments are my own not thanks to meds.
I would use for my kids as necessary but I wish I had tried more medicine vacations as a kid. I organize my house via flylady email and have a family calendar.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
|
|
amother
Cerulean
|
Thu, Jan 17 2019, 11:14 pm
my dh has adhd
and so do many of my kids
for my dh he also found out after many years of failure after failure
we found an ADHD coach or therapy very helpful
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
amother
Silver
|
Fri, Jan 18 2019, 3:13 am
I'm in my 40s and have ADHD, even though I haven't been diagnosed. Two of my kids have ADHD and are on meds, and when we were going through the process of getting them diagnosed, I realized I had it too. I haven't gotten a diagnosis because I don't want my husband to know - he takes my weak points and throws them in my face when he's mad at me, like recently I was explaining to the kids in front of him that mommy's a pessimist and tatty's an optimist, and how it's hard for mommy sometimes because she worries a lot, and next day he was yelling at me and screamed "you're such a pessimist, G-d, it's awful" when he had never used that word before. Or the other day, he asked how my day went, and I told him I was upset with myself because I didn't get my to-do list done, instead I got caught up in a creative project I'm working on, and I feel like a failure for wasting the day, and 5 minutes later he makes some disparaging remark about what I had done with my day. So I don't feel I trust my husband not to put me down, therefore won't pursue an official diagnosis.
I struggle with housework. I struggle at work with the paperwork and organization side of my job, but am excellent with the clinical part of my job (I'm a therapist). Procrastination is a problem, and I struggle with anxiety a lot due to it. Depression can be a problem as well, largely due to feeling like a failure as a housewife, although that's gotten better as my kids have gotten older and help more. I'm a warm and loving mother, and understand my kids way better than my husband, who's an in the box kind of guy. I'm creative and am always coming up with ideas. At work, they've put me in charge of creating a whole new program that is my total passion, and have given me free reign--so I'm creating this whole thing from scratch, and am loving it! I do need others to bounce my ideas off, to help me see if they're too impractical, though.
I've listened to audiobooks about ADHD and that has helped me accept myself and learn strategies for dealing with the negative aspects of ADHD. One trick that works well for me is, when faced with a big task that feels overwhelming, I promise myself I'll only work on it for 10 minutes, and then I'll take a 10 minute break. I put a timer on, and usually by the time the timer goes off, I'm on a roll and don't want to stop, and am able to make good progress on the project. Getting over that fear of getting started is 90% of the battle for me.
I use a very modified Flylady approach and find having a bare bones daily routine helps keep the house functioning (although I don't always stick with it and things can disintegrate fast). Every day there are 3 things that MUST get done: supper (doesn't need to be homemade or elaborate, I like to cook but I also include plenty of quick no-cook suppers in my lineup, like pita pizzas, falafel, tacos made with refried beans from a can...); 1-2 loads of laundry; and 1 load of dishes. (Finally getting dishwashers after 15 years of marriage was a game changer!)
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
|
|
amother
Sienna
|
Fri, Jan 18 2019, 7:03 am
|
The book 'driven to distraction' by Dr hallowell is a great read. It is what got me to pursue a diagnosis and treatment.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
ectomorph
|
Fri, Jan 18 2019, 7:05 am
| amother wrote: | I'm in my 40s and have ADHD, even though I haven't been diagnosed. Two of my kids have ADHD and are on meds, and when we were going through the process of getting them diagnosed, I realized I had it too. I haven't gotten a diagnosis because I don't want my husband to know - he takes my weak points and throws them in my face when he's mad at me, like recently I was explaining to the kids in front of him that mommy's a pessimist and tatty's an optimist, and how it's hard for mommy sometimes because she worries a lot, and next day he was yelling at me and screamed "you're such a pessimist, G-d, it's awful" when he had never used that word before. Or the other day, he asked how my day went, and I told him I was upset with myself because I didn't get my to-do list done, instead I got caught up in a creative project I'm working on, and I feel like a failure for wasting the day, and 5 minutes later he makes some disparaging remark about what I had done with my day. So I don't feel I trust my husband not to put me down, therefore won't pursue an official diagnosis.
I struggle with housework. I struggle at work with the paperwork and organization side of my job, but am excellent with the clinical part of my job (I'm a therapist). Procrastination is a problem, and I struggle with anxiety a lot due to it. Depression can be a problem as well, largely due to feeling like a failure as a housewife, although that's gotten better as my kids have gotten older and help more. I'm a warm and loving mother, and understand my kids way better than my husband, who's an in the box kind of guy. I'm creative and am always coming up with ideas. At work, they've put me in charge of creating a whole new program that is my total passion, and have given me free reign--so I'm creating this whole thing from scratch, and am loving it! I do need others to bounce my ideas off, to help me see if they're too impractical, though.
I've listened to audiobooks about ADHD and that has helped me accept myself and learn strategies for dealing with the negative aspects of ADHD. One trick that works well for me is, when faced with a big task that feels overwhelming, I promise myself I'll only work on it for 10 minutes, and then I'll take a 10 minute break. I put a timer on, and usually by the time the timer goes off, I'm on a roll and don't want to stop, and am able to make good progress on the project. Getting over that fear of getting started is 90% of the battle for me.
I use a very modified Flylady approach and find having a bare bones daily routine helps keep the house functioning (although I don't always stick with it and things can disintegrate fast). Every day there are 3 things that MUST get done: supper (doesn't need to be homemade or elaborate, I like to cook but I also include plenty of quick no-cook suppers in my lineup, like pita pizzas, falafel, tacos made with refried beans from a can...); 1-2 loads of laundry; and 1 load of dishes. (Finally getting dishwashers after 15 years of marriage was a game changer!) | I third use flylady. For us with adhd brains the emails are a lifesaver. I just have a rule that when I read it I get up and do it. So much less stressful than planning out housecleaning (although over time it gets easier and more natural)
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
amother
Blush
|
Fri, Jan 18 2019, 11:55 am
These posts about flylady makes me want to try it.
Right now though I'm pregnant and have no energy. Is it worth trying now or should I wait a bit until I can actually have the energy to do things.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
ectomorph
|
Fri, Jan 18 2019, 11:57 am
| amother wrote: | These posts about flylady makes me want to try it.
Right now though I'm pregnant and have no energy. Is it worth trying now or should I wait a bit until I can actually have the energy to do things. | she always says
Jump in here
Do what you can
Do NOT be a perfectionist
At first you might get only one email a day done. That would be great! Maybe some days you'll get nothing done!
But if you read the emails every day over time it starts to imprint in your head. It takes 15 min to follow them every day and your house will be so much more under control!
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
|
ectomorph
|
Fri, Jan 18 2019, 11:58 am
|
Feel free to pm me with questions
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
amother
Blush
|
Fri, Jan 18 2019, 12:19 pm
| ectomorph wrote: | she always says
Jump in here
Do what you can
Do NOT be a perfectionist
At first you might get only one email a day done. That would be great! Maybe some days you'll get nothing done!
But if you read the emails every day over time it starts to imprint in your head. It takes 15 min to follow them every day and your house will be so much more under control! |
You've convinced me. How do I start?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
