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S/O How do you take "time off" vacation, not Family Trips
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 7:35 am
Vacationing with kids is very important. When we get home from these trips, I'm exhausted.

On rare overnights away as a couple, we are busy every minute of the day. No sitting on a beach for dh. When we get home, I'm exhausted.

How do you take take "time off" vacations?

I have been known to take a day or half-day off work, but leave in the am and return in pm as per a regular day. Hiding
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 7:40 am
I go shopping at a store that has really good sales. Smell the lotions in bath and body works (and buy something). If it's in a mall, I sit in the massage chair.
Send my kids out and watch a movie on my couch.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 7:40 am
When on vacation with your DH: Don't be so busy every minute. Take it easy. Sleep late. Have morning s-x. Eat in breakfast in bed or at least in PJ's. While DH davens, you pack up lunch or tidy up. Then head out - calmly, not rushing. Walk slowly. Talk. Look each other in the eye. Head to your destination and revel in it. Be in the moment. Check in with all your senses: what do I see, hear, feel, smell? Act silly with each other, let loose. Dare each other to do stuff you normally wouldn't. (I dared DH to go on a roller coaster, he dared me to go outside without clothes under my coat.)
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 7:47 am
Mistyrose, we dont need to know what DH dared you to do. Puke
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 7:49 am
amother wrote:
When on vacation with your DH: Don't be so busy every minute. Take it easy. Sleep late. Have morning s-x. Eat in breakfast in bed or at least in PJ's. While DH davens, you pack up lunch or tidy up. Then head out - calmly, not rushing. Walk slowly. Talk. Look each other in the eye. Head to your destination and revel in it. Be in the moment. Check in with all your senses: what do I see, hear, feel, smell? Act silly with each other, let loose. Dare each other to do stuff you normally wouldn't. (I dared DH to go on a roller coaster, he dared me to go outside without clothes under my coat.)

This.
Why would you be busy every moment while on vacation with DH?
That's when we take it easy.
Lazy breakfast, slow walks, concentrating on each other instead of being distracted by the kids or work.

If your DH likes to be busy on vacation, maybe you can get away for the day with a girlfriend and sit on the beach, or shop, or whatever you like.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 7:51 am
amother wrote:
Mistyrose, we dont need to know what DH dared you to do. Puke


I disagree, I thought those dares were awesome. My DH loves roller coasters so if we ever get a vacation alone (that’s the problem for us), I’d love to dare him to go out naked except for a coat. *Snicker*

But OP, instead of DH just sitting on a beach, he can enjoy it actively eg swimming, paddling via kayak/SUP, speedboats, making sandcastles. I love the beach and aside from lunch on a beach day I don’t really just sit there but primarily stay in the water. You could sit if you wanted while DH plays. When we go to the beach my DH sometimes sits and reads a book while I swim. Works well for us in reverse from what you seem to need.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 7:53 am
OutATowner wrote:
I go shopping at a store that has really good sales. Smell the lotions in bath and body works (and buy something). If it's in a mall, I sit in the massage chair.
Send my kids out and watch a movie on my couch.


For me, shopping is far from a vacation, sales or no sales!
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 8:04 am
amother wrote:
When on vacation with your DH: Don't be so busy every minute.


We plan our trips appropriately, thanks. I posted that to show that I need my own break time so I can keep up with him. If I sit it out, why'd we go away together? He davens vasikin with a minyan on vacation too so I use that time to catch up on sleep.

I'm more interested in what you guys do for a personal break.

Perhaps you don't need as much alone time as I do...
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 8:43 am
Well firstly as soon as a drop the kids off my break starts.
In the airport, on the plane, in the hotel. My brain is clearer when I don’t have to keep track of little people running in all directions and whining for a snack. My hands are freer when there’s no stroller and car seat to shlep. So that’s A.
Yes I love to relax and make sure to fit that into every vacation, even the more adventurous ones. There will always be a day or at least an afternoon or two spent just reveling in nature. I find scenic drives relaxing too, when there is no bickering in the backseat.
Shabbos is especially great since there are no phones and nowhere to rush.
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amother
Green


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 9:54 am
amother wrote:
When on vacation with your DH: Don't be so busy every minute. Take it easy. Sleep late. Have morning s-x. Eat in breakfast in bed or at least in PJ's. While DH davens, you pack up lunch or tidy up. Then head out - calmly, not rushing. Walk slowly. Talk. Look each other in the eye. Head to your destination and revel in it. Be in the moment. Check in with all your senses: what do I see, hear, feel, smell? Act silly with each other, let loose. Dare each other to do stuff you normally wouldn't. (I dared DH to go on a roller coaster, he dared me to go outside without clothes under my coat.)


I would find that extremely demeaning.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 10:01 am
OP, if you're the type that needs your space, here is what I do, though this has nothing to do with vacation.

Until my oldest DC was 10, I had them be in bed by 7:00pm. My DH came home 8:30pm. So from 7-8 I sat on the couch and did NOTHING (there were no smart phones then). I sat and breathed deeply to get my body relaxed and stress free.

Once my kids were older and bedtime was later, I started locking myself in my bedroom each time I nursed my baby so that I can have space for myself.

Other than that, if I want to enjoy myself, my treat would be to go to the mall. Shopping gives me energy. I come home invigorated. So find what you like and do that. For example, my mom used to say that when she sews (she loved sewing draperies, clothing etc), she feels like she's on vacation.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 10:16 am
amother wrote:
OP, if you're the type that needs your space, here is what I do, though this has nothing to do with vacation.

Until my oldest DC was 10, I had them be in bed by 7:00pm. My DH came home 8:30pm. So from 7-8 I sat on the couch and did NOTHING (there were no smart phones then). I sat and breathed deeply to get my body relaxed and stress free.

Once my kids were older and bedtime was later, I started locking myself in my bedroom each time I nursed my baby so that I can have space for myself.

Other than that, if I want to enjoy myself, my treat would be to go to the mall. Shopping gives me energy. I come home invigorated. So find what you like and do that. For example, my mom used to say that when she sews (she loved sewing draperies, clothing etc), she feels like she's on vacation.


And what about for those of us who loathe malls and sewing?
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Cheshire cat




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 10:17 am
For me, there is one thing I love to do, and never have enough time for: reading.
I sometimes carve out time, and give myself a full hour of uninterrupted reading.

I have a bucket-list of books I want to read, and I'll make sure to get one in advance.

Absolute quiet... a nice coffee... a great book, uninterrupted... one of the small pleasures in life
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 10:24 am
amother wrote:
We plan our trips appropriately, thanks. I posted that to show that I need my own break time so I can keep up with him. If I sit it out, why'd we go away together? He davens vasikin with a minyan on vacation too so I use that time to catch up on sleep.

I'm more interested in what you guys do for a personal break.

Perhaps you don't need as much alone time as I do...

I am a strong introvert with a desperate need for alone time, so you can take my advice with that in mind.

You said you plan your trips appropriately. That's what we used to do. But I learned that it's easier to go with the flow. Plan one or two main activities for the day, and let the rest just "be". Naturally you get more alone time that way. You shouldn't be sitting out anything. (Where did I mention that?) But neither should you feel the need to "keep up with him". It's about spending time the two of you together, building that bond that you have, having fun TOGETHER.

I encourage DH, who wakes up at 5:30 am all year, to sleep late and daven late. Often he says he can't; his body is used to waking up that early, so he'd rather get started on his day. But we still take it slow. I take a long shower or bath. I enjoy my time when he goes to daven mincha/maariv. After we eat supper in our hotel room, we might read individually or watch TV and sort of just hang around separately. Then we might go to sleep or go out again. Finding that rhythm between together and alone time is important. Learning to communicate your need for space is also important.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 10:28 am
amother wrote:
I would find that extremely demeaning.

Good for me that I didn't. Punch I'm always one who's up for a good dare.
In fact, there was an amazing outcome........

I'm seriously wondering what you felt you would accomplish with your post, though. Obviously I was and still am fine with it. You wouldn't be, so be glad your DH didn't dare you to do it. But why would you post something that might make someone a bit less s-xually confident than I am feel bad about themselves or their DH? Think before you post what you're trying to accomplish.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 11:04 am
Somethings I do for a personal break are using my legal vacations when my kids are in school as mini vacation days. I try to not cook and clean but relax and do things that are enjoyable.

Motzei shabbos is my chill time. I try to get my 2 and 4 year old into bed around 7 and my husband is out with my older son at avos u bonim so I can sit for a while and relax before they come back. Hes at an age where hes fun to talk to and does not need me to do a ton for him physically which is nice. I used to do a lot of the laundry motzei shabbos but the past few weeks, I have been trying to structure it so it gets done earlier in the week which I have been enjoying.

Also I work in a quiet office which gives me a nice break. I make nice meals for myself, splurge on iced coffees order half my life on amazon so I can avoid stores in the evening or on sundays. Small things like that give me more time to myself when I do come home.
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 11:31 am
Mistyrose,

Thanks for your response. It seems from your reply and a few others that people take vacations with their spouses which are low key and that's their "me time" too.

When I go on trips with my dh, it's wonderful bonding time, but it is not a vacation. He sees sitting still as "wasting time" if we've travelled to a destination. If I need to chill, it needs to be all by myself (and I'm not really an introvert).

I guess I have a unique experience compared to other amothers.
Thanks. It helps me put this in perspective.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 11:42 am
amother wrote:
Mistyrose,

Thanks for your response. It seems from your reply and a few others that people take vacations with their spouses which are low key and that's their "me time" too.

When I go on trips with my dh, it's wonderful bonding time, but it is not a vacation. He sees sitting still as "wasting time" if we've travelled to a destination. If I need to chill, it needs to be all by myself (and I'm not really an introvert).

I guess I have a unique experience compared to other amothers.
Thanks. It helps me put this in perspective.


He needs to learn the skill of "being". Don't worry, DH is the same way, driven to go/see/do. He's learned that sometimes he needs to do that with his friends, or that he can do it with me but not always. IOW, one day will be jam-packed and the other day will be my style. Or one vacation like this and another vacation like that.

Only once did I take a vacation with a friend as opposed to DH and it was definitely more relaxing in that sense. But it didn't recharge us, as a couple. So it's important to keep your goal in mind. It's ok if you need a (personal) vacation from a vacation! Is there a reason you can't do that? Take a day off here and there and go away by yourself or with a friend/sister?
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Tue, Jan 22 2019, 11:20 pm
We don't have the means to go on vacations, so I staycation.
I take life easy. No cooking or cleaning, go for day outings (free), order in lunch, buy luxury towels or splurge a bit on myself, and mentally decide: I'm on vacation.
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mom22




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 27 2019, 5:20 am
Once or twice a year I take a day off for myself. After sending kids off I go back to sleep. Wake have a coffee breakfast read a good book. Get dressed go out and buy myself some makeup or new pair of shoes... pick up lunch. Come home and take a nice bath read a book.
Get dressed for kids and hubby coming home and order pizza for dinner.
I literally find myself feeling like a new person but don’t do it as often as I should
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