Please help me stop worrying [edited]

amother

Silver

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 6:44 pm

Yes I KNOW intellectually that there is a Master Planner with a Master Plan that do not understand. Yes I KNOW hat Everything He does is for the best. Yes I KNOW that I cannot know and understand His ways.

But I am still worried sick and am so sad about the "situation"- struggling kids, finances shalom bayis etc. I catch everyone else's worries and take them to heart, which just makes it all worse.

They say that it is the stiff neck that stops it all making it down to the heart.

Hw did you break your stiff neck ?

Please can you help me break mine.

PinkFridge

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 7:18 pm

Hugs!
I'm not sure why your post was reported. You're looking for help to live vibrantly and optimistically. I think you need to work from both a physical angle and a spiritual angle.
Physical: Take care of yourself as much as your circumstances allow we diet, sleep, etc. And what you can do to help your life run smoothly e.g. delegating, cleaning help. And, of course, HUMOR!
Spiritual: If there's anyone whose shiurim ever resonated with you, track them down and listen. Or try some small doses, like Rabbi Shachter on Chazak (forgot the number but after the initial message it's prompts 5 and 2 and then whatever number you want). Or go to TorahAnytime.com and find short and sweet speeches. There are some books with really heartening stories that are heavy on the heartening and lighter on the dramatic hashgacha pratis, e.g. Rabbi Binyomin Pruzansky's books.

Tell Hashem what you really want, and what you really want to want, and may you meet with hatzlacha, soon.

oneofakind

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 7:32 pm

I don't want to sound harsh. There are terrible tzuris in this world and a person would have to put his head in the sand not to see it. On the other hand, the bitachon is not working because you are not just worrying your worries, you are worrying everybody else's. Their bitachon helps them deal with theirs and your bitachon helps you deal with yours. Worrying about everybody else doesn't make you necessarily a "nice person". It just makes you a worrier. The most you can do is open a tehillim and have them in mind and start following the excellent advice of the previous poster. Really, everybody needs to find the strength to deal with their own stuff. It's not possible to deal with everybody else's as well.

amother

Silver

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 8:38 pm

Ok my original title was a little provocative but I thought it was ok with the smiley face.

I'm disappointed it got edited (not by me) because I it is the "neck" thing that is the biggest problem. I cannot seem to get imto my heart that which I know in my head. I do listen to shiurim on bitachon quite often, but would take recommendations for more. I have recently started saying tehilim and although I understand the words I don't really understand what I am saying and would like shiur recommendations for tehilim as well.

It is true I have not been properly nourishing my body with enough sleep or healthy food and I should work on that.

I know 100% that worrying just makes me a worrier not a good person. That comment was spot on and not harsh.

Sometimes I feel like the world's biggest rasha because I cannot implement what I know to be right.

How do you get what you know in your head to.penetrate your heart?

(that's why I titled the thread the way I did originally.)

Cheiny

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 9:45 pm

oneofakind wrote:

Very true.

Cheiny

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 9:46 pm

amother wrote:

Read books on emunah, go to shiurim, speak to a rabbi,who can give you chizuk.

dankbar

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 10:36 pm

Some people are very emotional & feel everything stronger & feel like they are the one going through something when their friend is in reality. Hashem gives everyone the kochos for their own nisyonos, that's why when you are feeling someone else pain so strongly, you can't overcome because it not your nisoyon so you weren't given the kochos to overcome it. You have to learn to let go a bit. Also direct your pain & empathy into positive energy by helping out those that are in a situation, instead of just feeling bad for them. This will be a win win. Other family will get the help they need & see you really care & you will feel empowered that you have a little control over the situation & doing something about it instead of sulking.

dankbar

Tue, Jan 29 2019, 10:43 pm

For ex. You hear your friend is dealing with sickness in family...what can you help her with? Take out the kids, send supper, take a hospital shift, send some activity gifts, give her the emotional support, visit, bake challos For shabbos, take her out for lunch, babysit, do homework with her kids, send over your girl to help.....instead of crying into your pillow.
Another friend is going thru a divorce....instead of gossiping about this side & that side....
Maybe she needs a vacation, take her away for few days, maybe she needs money....maybe she's missing a male persona for her boys....maybe your hub can take them to shul, invite her for a shabbos meal, just a listening ear......

PinkFridge

Wed, Jan 30 2019, 11:01 am

amother wrote:

Edit. "Sometimes I feel like the world's biggest human because I cannot implement, etc."

amother

Beige

Wed, Jan 30 2019, 11:36 am

amother wrote:

I don't think the comment in bold makes sense. I don't think you can know something from an intellectual standpoint while at the same time not understand it even on the smallest level.
Hashem has a plan. We don't understand it at all. Sadly, it sometimes includes suffering. What can we do? As others have said, take care of yourself, and work to change things if that's possible. Maybe read the books that have lots of stories of people whose matziv changed in an instant.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jan 30 2019, 11:46 am

Have you read anything by Rabbi Shalom Arush? Breslov.org has many amazing books that have helped me a lot, and they are coming out with new titles all the time. I read them over and over again.

Like water dripping on a stone, the water is soft and gentle, but over time it carves a hole. Let the words of Torah fall on your heart, and soon there will be an opening so you can take it in.

Even so, there will be days when you just don't feel it. That's so normal, it's part of our avodah on this earth.

Sending you lots of hugs. Hug

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Jan 30 2019, 11:56 am

amother wrote:

Have you considered reading a book on dealing with worry that isn’t emunah based?

imasoftov

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 5:41 am

Yaakov was afraid before meeting Esav. If a tzaddik can be afraid I don't think we are called upon to never experience fear, anxiety, worry, etc. I'm not talking about fear that paralyzes a person, Yaakov took precautions in the very same pasuk.

https://www.sefaria.org.il/Gen.....g2=en

וַיִּירָ֧א יַעֲקֹ֛ב מְאֹ֖ד וַיֵּ֣צֶר ל֑וֹ וַיַּ֜חַץ אֶת־הָעָ֣ם אֲשֶׁר־אִתּ֗וֹ וְאֶת־הַצֹּ֧אן וְאֶת־הַבָּקָ֛ר וְהַגְּמַלִּ֖ים לִשְׁנֵ֥י מַחֲנֽוֹת׃

Jacob was greatly frightened; in his anxiety, he divided the people with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two camps,

וַיֹּ֕אמֶר אִם־יָב֥וֹא עֵשָׂ֛ו אֶל־הַמַּחֲנֶ֥ה הָאַחַ֖ת וְהִכָּ֑הוּ וְהָיָ֛ה הַמַּחֲנֶ֥ה הַנִּשְׁאָ֖ר לִפְלֵיטָֽה׃

thinking, “If Esau comes to the one camp and attacks it, the other camp may yet escape.”

My link includes Rashi who says that Yaakov was not just afraid of being killed but also at having to kill others.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 2:12 pm

Sometimes the person you are worrying about is doing fine.....even better than you that you are worrying for her....although she is the one in the situation.

I'm worrying sick how one mom who lost her kid is coping....I avoided levaya....shiva....shattered about the news.....keep thinking about her....then I meet the mom.....she seems all strong....talking about her kid....showing nice pics of her....I calmed down if mom is doing ok....why do I have to ruin my life worrying about her....

ora_43

Sun, Feb 03 2019, 4:02 pm

There's no magic way to be OK with suffering. The heart naturally rebels against suffering, and that's a good thing. (For the same reason, we can't be completely unafraid.)

What's not good is being worried and sad all the time. You can experience suffering and empathize with suffering without letting it take over your mind.

Don't try to force yourself to not worry, though - then you'll just end up worrying that you're worried, it'll be a whole vicious cycle. Just try to gently guide your mind in a different direction. Let's say you catch yourself thinking about how your cousin's marriage seems unhappy and she seems sad and maybe this will go wrong and maybe that will go wrong and...

Take a deep breath, make a note to call/email your cousin sometime soon to catch up, and then think about something else. Anything else. The internet is full of random things to think about, if you need ideas (would you rather fight chicken-sized zombies, or zombie-sized chickens? Where is Neverland, anyway? who would win in a fight - a million lions, or the moon?). Listen to a song, read a book, go find someone and have a conversation with them where you focus on things that are going well in life.

Three things:
- This takes time. Catching yourself being anxious, letting go of anxiety, and distracting yourself from it are all skills that need to be learned.
- If your life is stressful, that can be expressed as anxiety. In other words, you might be too worried about your friends because you aren't sleeping enough, or because you hate your job, or because you need more help with housework. So take a look at that side of things too.
- If none of the above is helping, talk to a therapist. They'll hopefully be able to give you tools for your exact problem/situation.