Torn btwn going back to work or stay home until baby older

lora

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 10:44 pm

once you and your baby are in a working routine, its great for both. especially if your baby is in an environment with other kids. babies get bored to and especially at this age when they start exploring the world a change of scenery is beneficial for both, money aside.

tichellady

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 10:49 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Is that what the criteria is? Stay home if you enjoy being with your baby??

I think if a mom is not happy being home with her baby, her baby is likely better off being at daycare or with a nanny. I don’t think babies thrive being around unhappy people. Of course there are women who would love to be home with their babies who can’t for financial reasons.

Ellie7

Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:54 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I don’t get a mother not liking being home with their baby....

I love my baby more than anything, but I get bored and stir-crazy being home with him all day. I found I needed to use my brain during the day, and I'm a better person and, yes, mother when I do.

I'm not saying OP should go back to work, but we shouldn't make mothers feel bad for wanting to go back to work.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 7:55 pm

I did this with mine until he was 2 and a half (he began "school" at the beginning of the school year this year).
I loved it.
I was in a similar situation. We just got by but did not have money for extras. My job was "secure" for me until I decided to go back (I was pretty sure they would hire me back and even if not I could find a job somewhere else and the time off wouldn't matter).
I am so happy with the decision I made for so many different reasons. It was worth having to be careful with our spending in my opinion.
I'm pregnant now and don't know what I'll do because we have more expenses at this point and being home with my first was so amazing but I'm pretty sure we wont be able to pull it off again. I am so happy I was able to have that with my first baby though. I can't emphasizes that enough. The bonding and communication and all of the experiences he was able to have due to the fact that we were together all day and going out...

(this is not to make anyone who wasn't able to do this feel bad. As I said I probably wont be able to this next time. Just if you are able to and want to I think it's worth it. But I agree that you need to want to or otherwise you can just end up with a bored baby and a bored mommy).

amother

White

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 8:02 pm

amother wrote:

Am I the Only one who doesn’t see the difference of going back at 6M versus at 1 year?

You’ll just make an attached one year old miserable when you leave him over.

For me, it’s either babysitter from when they’re young and not yet scared of strangers, or it’s home with them until they would go out to school anyway.

I can say with experience that 1 year olds can do just fine in daycare without any prior daycare experience. Helps that in that first year they see lots of friends and family and learn that not just mom can hold them and sooth them.

amother

Gray

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 9:14 pm

amother wrote:

Uh there's a huge difference. I had to send an 8wk old to a babysitter while I finished the school year. I would pump at work, rush home, deal with bottles, it was hard. After the summer when baby was 8m, it was a breeze. By then we were using formula, starting solids, I wasn't doing that daytime pump, I didn't feel bad leaving with babysitter bc baby loved the social company. And btw I was never one to stay home with the kids, but even 8wk (and that's with an extension beyond the 6wk maternity leave!!) felt abusive to me to leave with a stranger.

happymom123

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 9:34 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I don’t get a mother not liking being home with their baby....

It's great that it worked for you but when I went back to work when my baby was 11 weeks old, my whole family benefitted. I was a better mother and a better wife and all around a better person. (I also needed the money so staying home forever wasn't an option but I had hoped to stay home a bit longer)

amother

Pewter

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 9:50 pm

tichellady wrote:

The question then becomes, why are these women having babies, if they can't handle being around them?

amother

Smokey

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 9:53 pm

amother wrote:

The question then becomes, why are these women having babies, if they can't handle being around them?

Someone who wants to use her brain in ways other than caring for a newborn = can't handle being around her baby? That's na interesting conclusion.

OOTforlife

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 9:58 pm

amother wrote:

The question then becomes, why are these women having babies, if they can't handle being around them?

Because babies are only babies for a very short time. They tend to improve with age. Some of us suffer through the baby stage to get to the good stuff.

amother

Smokey

Tue, Feb 05 2019, 10:17 pm

Look, humans are social creatures- some more so than others. Back in the day, this was not a source of conflict- you stayed home with young children and so did every other woman. There was a built in community of women in shared circumstances with plenty of company to go around. Today, most women work out of necessity. The ones who can afford to stay home may not have anyone in their social circles to spend time with or talk to during the day. It can be very isolating and emotionally draining to not have any real adult company or conversation until your husband gets home at 7 pm (in a good case) or until you manage to have a real conversation when the kids are sleeping at 9 pm. If you're not bothered by this, wonderful- by all means enjoy your time at home. If you have friends or family members who are also sahm, what a bracha. But if you don't, and it's taking a toll on you, it means nothing more than the fact that you're a living, breathing, socially oriented human.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 1:48 am

I was only able to be a SAHM with my baby because I had a support system of other moms who would meet up at the park, go to mommy and me classes, etc.
if you don’t have this support system it can be VERY hard. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby.