S/o calling all nebachs!!!

southernbubby

Tue, Feb 12 2019, 10:59 am

When you are my age it's okay to be a neb. Everyone wants to be your friend and the less stylish you are, the more friends you have. Your kids find you embarrassing but your grandchildren just blame it on your age.

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 12 2019, 2:43 pm

amother wrote:

So I am also a kind of nebach person. I am married with kids, but I still feel and probably look like a nebach for various reasons.

OP of the other thread I don't think you did anything wrong.

But what we nebs need is... Yeah I don't really know.

You can be a neb for divorce, infertility, poverty, disability, ugliness or any number of reasons.

Let's brainstorm how to recognize that a neb is still a Tzelem Elokim.

I mean we need, like everyone, to be treated with kindness, as if we are important to the world, and not a burden.

Because to paraphrase Rav Aryeh Kaplan, the reason that a person who is forced to take tzedaka feels so bad is because they see themselves as a Taker. And Hashem is a Giver. And it feels bad when we don't act "G-dly".

How can we all help each other feel like we are Giving? In other words, feel like we aee Needed? An essential valuable part of Creation?

First thing is, I don’t think it’s good for you or anyone else to think of yourself if refer to yourself as a nebach, or any other negative way. That’s just reinforced bad feelings about yourself in your own mind.

crust

Tue, Feb 12 2019, 5:27 pm

amother wrote:

I think we’ll have to define neb.
Nobody chooses infertility, foreclosure on their house, or kids in their thirties who aren’t married. Those things come from God the same as their opposites.
If by neb you mean you’re still wearing the same boots you wore in high school and carrying a no name pocketbook, I’ll join your neb club.

I always forget to add my tongue in cheek emoji and then my posts are taken seriously.

What I meant to say was;
I am not intimidated by this word.
I am never going to succumb to the FEAR of being called a neb. I rather make peace with any word that our society uses to profile people.

In other words- Whatever situation I may go through no one will ever think that I am a neb because I choose to weather storms with confidence and resilience. And if someone thinks I am, Big deal. I am not intimidated nor do I see myself that way.

I honestly think that there aren't very many real nebs. Most people who think or feel that they are nebs are really only nebs in their own minds.
Except for yourself the rest of society doesnt really think so much about you.

Re the bolded; Why are people in any of these situations called nebs? Tough situation? Yes. Neb? No.

crust

Tue, Feb 12 2019, 5:32 pm

amother wrote:

I disagree with nebach being a choice.
I may not appear to be a nebach on the outside. I live in a nice home drive nice cars husband makes a good living I don’t work. I have beautiful family. However; my father is in jail, I suffer from severe emotional issues, my siblings and parents are dysfunctional, I have an eating disorder and a lot more. Only my inner circle of friends know this.
Please don’t say that it’s a choice. Hashem gave me what I think of as a heavier package then most people.

The bolded is true.

Why are you a neb though? Because you juggle so much more than regular society? Because you choose to heal yourself? Because you try to give your children a better place than the one you grew up in?

You have to view yourself the way that people with deeper understanding view you. HERO.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Feb 12 2019, 5:46 pm

amother wrote:

OP, being a nebach is totally up to you!! You're only a nebach if you feel and behave like one and you're busy ba'nebach'ing yourself.

Or if others are nebbaching you. I waited a couple years to have kids. I wanted kids right away but I was ok with my situation. However, every time I was around my mil and shed stare at my stomach, shake her head and make tut tut sounds, I sure as heck felt like a nebbach!

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Feb 12 2019, 6:33 pm

amother wrote:

Important point! Dealing with infertility as well, and when I’m home/at work/around single friends all is well and I am happy as ever. When it comes to my family staring at my stomach and making comments then I definitely do feel like a Nebach and its not in my control.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 4:57 am

amother wrote:

But really she was the nebach.

Tut tuting at your stomach? Really??

Is she mentally unstable?

crust

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 5:00 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

But really she was the nebach.

Tut tuting at your stomach? Really??

Is she mentally unstable?

Exactly
I can't explain myself enough on this thread.
It's really about perspective.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 5:07 am

amother wrote:

What about the disabled? Or the mentally ill? Are they nebs, nerds, or just people? Btzelem Elokim/

hey crust, while you are still here, what do you think of this question? especially with regard to autistic people?

oakandfig19

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 6:15 am

Is this thread for real?

Every.single.human.being in the world has challenges. By this definition, we're all nebs. I don't understand, this thread seems to be about how we can wallow in our pity while still being seen as confident.

The answer is you can't. We're all struggling, we just have to do the best we can. I certainly would not call someone a neb who was experiencing infertility or divorce, I don't understand this weird defintion.