Child came home saying the F word, not sure how to respond.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 5:49 pm

My 6 year old said someone on his bus taught him a curse word and proceeded to spell and say the F word. I didn't react at all because it was at the dinner table in front of other kids. Not sure how to respond though?!

He knows it's a bad word and he seems to understand when to use it.

Cheiny

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 5:53 pm

amother wrote:

“When to use it?” Never! You explain that a Ben Torah should not say bad words, and that it’s an aveirah.

Last edited by Cheiny on Tue, Feb 19 2019, 6:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Indigo

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 5:54 pm

My son once did that also. Boys on the bus taught him some bad words. He was a bit older at the time. I just said very firmly "that is a bad word and Yiddishe people don't talk like that." He never said it again. I also called the school to let them know what happened so they could deal with the boys from the bus.

ra_mom

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 5:56 pm

Show pain. Discuss that it's an ugly word and you're so sad that he overheard such a word and repeated it.
Don't show anger or shock.

Then call the school and have them address the situation. He picked it up from somewhere and it needs to be nipped in the bud.

sarahmalka

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 6:06 pm

Happened to us too. I think older than 6 but not much. In addition to what you already said, I made sure to say that part of his responsibility now that he knows the word is to not repeat it/teach it to other kids. (You probably already emphasized that to your child, too.)

Cheiny, it's an actual aveirah?

thunderstorm

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 6:13 pm

Unfortunately my boys picked this word up on the school bus as well. I let them know that this word is one of the worst bad words that exists and that even non Jewish people that are classy don't say that word.
I gave them an example of when I worked in an office and one of the warehouse guys was having a heated conversation with someone and he said that word. He then turned around and apologized to me and said that he's sorry he should have never talked like that in front of me. I told them that even he was aware that it was a very bad word to say in front of me. I told them it's just as bad to write it as to say it and that they shouldn't even fake like they are saying it by saying "luck" or any rhyming word instead.

amother

Wine

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 6:16 pm

Six is old enough to learn about nivul peh. I would explain what nivul peh is, and also have a discussion about using the mouth for mitzvos vs aveiros.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 9:32 pm

Just teach him. Say that is a curse word. We dont speak that way. Plain, matter of fact. Dont go throwing emotions into it.

essie14

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:06 am

amother wrote:

Just teach him. Say that is a curse word. We dont speak that way. Plain, matter of fact. Dont go throwing emotions into it.

I think every boy I know picked up the F word at school at some point.
I agree with the above, don't become emotional about it.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:29 am

essie14 wrote:

I think every boy I know picked up the F word at school at some point.
I agree with the above, don't become emotional about it.

Not just boys. DD learned the word when she was 6. I don't think she really knew what it meant, just that is was naughty and will get a reaction.

Like everyone else, I stayed calm and explained that we don't use words like that. I told her that we pray to Hashem with our mouth, so we can't put bad things in there. That fixed the problem.

All it takes is for a child to be on a play date, when the other child's older brother and friends are hanging around playing basketball in the driveway, and one of them misses a shot at the net. I don't think our kids pick up bad words on purpose, I think it's just one more symptom of living in galus.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:33 am

essie14 wrote:

I think every boy I know picked up the F word at school at some point.
I agree with the above, don't become emotional about it.

I was just talking to a friend about this! Her 5th grader came home with the F word and the S word. She told him that learning those words is part of childhood (and that she learned them at his age too) but that if he’s old enough to know those words, he’s also old enough to know not to say them! I thought that was a great response.

essie14

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:25 am

amother wrote:

Great response!