How much did your chassone cost?

srbmom

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 8:31 pm

I am SHOCKED at these prices. My parents paid $10,000 for the hall for 400 guests about 15 yrs ago. My in laws paid for FLOPS - not sure how much. It was a simple, but beautifully done wedding.
My gown and my siblings were all from a gemach (less than $200 total), my mother borrowed from a friend. Hair and makeup probably another $300. I went into marriage with one sheitel, and we bought our beds. All our other furniture was hand me downs. I remember picking out my linen at Sears for $50.
My husband paid for my engagement ring with his own money, and my in laws bought me a bracelet for $800. We didn't do any other gifts.
My parents are very comfortable financially, they just choose to spend their money very wisely. They gave us $25,000 to save towards a house - money they had invested when I was born. They said they'd much rather us have that money to start our marriage than for it to be wasted on a wedding.
I hope I can get away with something similar for my children one day

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 9:27 pm

You didn't ask about year. When I got married over 20 yrs ago, hall itself was about 5,000. Today it's only used for smaller simchas, not weddings. BAIS ROCHEL. Other halls at that time, cheapest was 3/4000 but small & only available to members. ( BRACHA SIMA) VYOEL MOSHE was about 7/8k. Continental was 12k, Rose castle was 24k.

Prices rose drastically.
Bais rochel no weddings done.
Bracha sima got redone as taka na hall now pardes faiga cost abt $10k ( don't know what it includes because they have packages for other stuff)( no live flowers, very limited guest list, early time cap)
Imperial smallish/med midway hall
14000
I think continental today is around 30/35k.
Rose castle gone.
VYOEL MOSHE wasn't so popular because it was old, now it got redone.
Outsiders make in Ateres Avrohom or Eden palace which is way over the top for insiders but still cheaper for outside oilam than anywhere else. I heard ateres Avrohom is like $200 a portion.

amother

Azure

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 9:31 pm

My Lechaim was in a friend's apartment. $250? Maybe $500 if there was a lot of liquor?

Our apartment cost $1500 (2 months rent, yes back in the day), maybe $400 beds, rest of furniture was Craigslist and my in-laws' basement (they are awesome - they literally took care of all of the shopping and arranging and shlepping, I walked into a fully furnished apartment!). They also spent probably a hundred or so on small things like stocking the fridge. We got pots, linens, etc. from a Gemach and bridal shower; whatever we didn't have at the end we got with wedding gifts and my salary.

Sheva Brachos were made by friends in their homes. No restaurants or hotels!

Oh, my amazing in-laws also got us a car (!) for another $2,000 or so.

My gown was from a Gemach, I think $100 rental, and I washed it in the tub to save a $100 dry cleaning fee, siblings gowns I think $75? MIL wore a gown she wore to one of her other kids' wedding. Sheitel from a Gemach.

So the wedding (Gemach faux flowers, one-man-band, low-end hall) was whatever it cost, plus $5,000 for the Lechaim and apartment etc. Without the Gemach items it would have probably cost another $2,000.

I'm sharing this much to clarify that the disparity comes from very high standards.

Ravenclaw

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 9:36 pm

Fox wrote:

Lol, since they're twins, we had to try to make everything as fair as possible.

B"H, Druscilla's chassanah was first, and she married a young man whose family is also from the Midwest and had no more desire than we did to throw an over-the-top shindig. However, because there wasn't much travel involved, they had a lot more people from their side attending.

Prunella's chosson was from the Tri-State area, and while his parents are a bit fancier than we are, he was their eighth and last child to marry. I think they were well and truly worn out! His mother, who is very, very into flowers, spent a bit extra to upgrade the package.

Prunella's MIL is also very into jewelry, and Prunella lists to the left and may be blinding onlookers in Yerushalayim as we speak. But I didn't include that in the cheshbon. I figure it's their problem if they spoil Prunella.

I love Fox.
LOL

cutest post

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 1:53 am

amother wrote:

rose castle is gone?
I don't think ateres avrohom is that much unless you have it upgraded. I think we called and they said around 40 a person- within the last 1-2 years.

Mayflower

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:30 am

amother wrote:

3 shaitels and 2 shtreimelach were around 9k, split evenly. Shabbos sheva brachos in a hotel was around 65k, paid by us being the girls side. My diamond ring was 16k paid by the boys side but I have no idea how much the rest of the chosson and kallah gifts during the engagement cost.

Total waste of money IMO but if my parents and in laws were paying it had to be done their way. I know my parents refinanced their Boro Park house to pay for every one of our weddings then sold the house for a couple million when they were done.

Why on earth would anyone need 2 shtreimels? My husband wears a shtreimel, I never heard of buying two (but then again, I'm not from BP).

65K just for Shabbos sheva brachos also seems outrageous to me, especially if it's only one side paying Surprised

We had a modest and relatively small wedding. Around 80 couples + friends - probably about 200 people. Price was around 10K for hall, food, music and photographer. We didn't do bentchers. No big reception at the chupa. A close friend who is a florist kindly arranged the flowers as a very generous wedding gift. Another close friend designed our invitations, which we printed ourselves.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:47 am

amother wrote:

Sweetie, we happily got married in BROOKLYN just about seven years ago. $10k approximately. Neither side had much $$. I paid an additional $500 out of pocket for the singer the night before my wedding because I felt it was lacking. I didnt love the hall, decor, flowers or food but it came from typical places and was wedding-like. It was too stressful to be involved in everything so I let my mother choose things since she wasnt happy with what I wanted anyways. Guess what, the music, singer and friends is what made my wedding awesome and I enjoyed it so much! (I am really not the party type!)

Things not included in wedding night? Each of us had under 1-2k to our names. I spent $300+ on tefillin bag set from my own pocket + 400 on kiddush cup + 125 of talis +125 or so on silk gartel ($1050 roughly) and after that another $500 as mentioned above on singer. I was left with almost nothing in bank but it wouldnt have happened otherwise. I couldnt ask my parents to buy it becuase It was oging to be another headache. (oh and I bought myself a Tehillim bec I didnt want my at the time Chosson to need to spend his money)

I didnt expect a diamond ring but I got one. Husband paid for wedding ring, hotel after wedding (we were out of towners and didnt get married where we were going to live), care rental and probably other things that I dont remember.

Combined, we had about $800 at the end of all of this and you know what? We lived! We got to our apartment and had beds + whatever household items the gemach gave (linen, towels, pots, knives, utensils) and our clothes. We started out buying super cheap table set and worked our way up from there.

We did not feel poor. We spent the money we had and always had what we NEEDED. There is so much "standard" these days that people dont see what the difference between luxury and NEEDS are.

I know my ultra chaseedish cousins dont have money and go to gemachs. But then their children have takana weddings & still have the italian furniture!!!! Where did the money for italian furtniture come from? That is redicilous for me and sets a very bad image, especially when people from that community come to ours and ask for tzedaka for hachnosas kallah.

Oh and nobody paid our rent. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to carry the responsibility to live as a couple along with whatever comes along with it. I was 18 and managed with all said above.

Grow up ppl... today 70k is not over the top. What will be for your kids? Are YOU going to have the means to support your (iyh many!) kids wedding night along + possibly other expenses if the standard goes up? At this rate Id say youd be lucky if it stays below 120k. For some that is a yearly salary, while for others that is a 2-4 year salary.

Your condescension not withstanding, Sweetie, but did I miss something? Was this a topic on how to spend less money on a wedding? Or was it a question as to how much was spent? Because I'm not sure why my response invited your lengthy, detailed response, which seems largely irrelevant to my post. You said that neither side has much money. BH, that's not the case with us. I'm sorry if that makes you angry or resentful, but it is what it is.

You made so many assumptions in your assertion that I'm spoiled (which I am NOT) Assumptions regarding how much money my parents have to spend on a wedding (BH. They have enough) about how large my family is and about how old I was at said wedding (think almost twice the age you were at yours) My parents did not go in debt to spend on my wedding: quite the contrary. They saved for YEARS on end and were thrilled to spend money on a day that they weren't certain they'd see. You don't know anything about me so I would appreciate you not attacking me with low-ball name calling.

amother

Green

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:34 am

amother wrote:

My wedding was in continental 7 yrs ago. It was about $17-20k

amother

Slategray

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:25 pm

amother wrote:

Sorry if you see it that way. Some things I could have said differently but the intent of my post is - You are saying 70k is NOT way over the top. Is definitely is! You being able to brush it off saying its not a lot in itself speaks for you. The detail was to show that this CAN be done, even when seems super hard to pull it through.

The main thing is that everyone should have healthy and happy marriages - what is spent on the wedding night becomes dust later down the line. SO many ppl buy into peer pressure these days just to keep up with their friends and its so sad! Being able to brush it off is great for those that do..BUt then those who want to "keep the standard" go and try to get the same features and packages and go into debt. I know this for a fact from friends who work in the wedding industry.