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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
ectomorph
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 Wed, Feb 20 2019, 8:27 am
| Simple1 wrote: | I was one of those who couldn't stomache the idea of a surrendered, submissive wife. But then I took her other book, "First Kill..." out of the library to see what all the hype is about.
And it was NOT at all about being submissive. In fact, just the opposite! Don't do for your husband what he can do himself. Learn to say "I can't." Treat yourself to self care - don't even ask huband first, just do it.
Some of these suggestions would've had my traditonal parents and in-laws horrified! My MIL, for example, would even prepare cereal and milk for FIL.
So I agree you need to read it before you comment . (And as with any book, take what works, and ignore the rest.) |
You said it really well.
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urban gypsy
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:15 am
@imasoftov and imamother bronze.... you guys gave me a HUGE laugh 
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amother
Bronze
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:36 am
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And Nietzsche is smiling...
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urban gypsy
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:42 am
| amother wrote: | | And Nietzsche is smiling... |
Can we be best friends? 
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amother
Bronze
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:52 am
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Only if your anima will “ surrender” to my animus...
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imasoftov
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:59 am
| amother wrote: | | Only if your anima will “ surrender” to my animus... |
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urban gypsy
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 10:03 am
I need that shirt more than I've ever needed anything in my life!!!!
Imasinger and bronze!!! You have no right to be so funny so early in the morning!
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ectomorph
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:34 pm
I just want to point out that every person on this thread who spoke out against the empowered wife has been divorced.
This is not a judgement but something to take into consideration.
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amother
Sienna
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 7:31 pm
| ectomorph wrote: | | I just want to point out that every person on this thread who spoke out against the empowered wife has been divorced. |
Is this true or just an assumption?
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amother
Burlywood
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 7:41 pm
| amother wrote: | | Is this true or just an assumption? | They mentioned that they were divorced in many other threads.
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amother
Beige
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:09 pm
| amother wrote: | | They mentioned that they were divorced in many other threads. |
And they each had an abusive husband. This book would have and if they had read it, possibly made their suffering way worse. The author herself states that it is not meant for abusive marriages.
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amother
Ivory
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:31 pm
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Everyone is in this world to work on themselves and their midos. Maybe, self or spouse had a bad moment which may have been abuse but doesn't live like that generally. No one is perfect. Anger, hunger, exhaustion, and stress, and mood or hormones all play a role in behavior and self control.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:47 pm
| amother wrote: | | And they each had an abusive husband. This book would have and if they had read it, possibly made their suffering way worse. The author herself states that it is not meant for abusive marriages. |
Actually, if you surrender in an abusive marriage, then divorce will probably happen faster. It's all about self-care and not letting yourself be that shmatta, and knowing your self worth. So being in touch with yourself and putting your feelings out there ....So many times in abusive marriages the wives fallout of touch with themselves and become martyrs or superwomen. I know. My mom is divorced.
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amother
Amber
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:53 pm
| amother wrote: | | Actually, if you surrender in an abusive marriage, then divorce will probably happen faster. It's all about self-care and not letting yourself be that shmatta, and knowing your self worth. So being in touch with yourself and putting your feelings out there ....So many times in abusive marriages the wives fallout of touch with themselves and become martyrs or superwomen. I know. My mom is divorced. |
Your mom is not you.
I know someone who I consider is in an abusive marriage. She read "The Surrendered Wife " a few years ago, And in my opinion it made things much worse, not better. She's much more under his thumb now and she's going along with the abuse. She says she's happier but he controls every single little thing she does. I don't believe it.
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carnation
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 10:01 pm
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Just wondering, anyone know approximately how many years ago this book was published?
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amother
Beige
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 10:11 pm
| amother wrote: | | Everyone is in this world to work on themselves and their midos. Maybe, self or spouse had a bad moment which may have been abuse but doesn't live like that generally. No one is perfect. Anger, hunger, exhaustion, and stress, and mood or hormones all play a role in behavior and self control. |
Abuse is not when someone acts mean in a bad moment. Real abuse is like a mental sickness, like OCD, ADHD, depression etc.. There is way more to real abuse than one can imagine. Thankfully there are therapists trained for this and they do completely understand the danger of it. Very few who haven't come across real abuse can comprehend how bad it is.
As brilliant as Laura is, she herself understood the danger of her methods being applied in an abusive marriage.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:15 pm
| amother wrote: | Your mom is not you.
I know someone who I consider is in an abusive marriage. She read "The Surrendered Wife " a few years ago, And in my opinion it made things much worse, not better. She's much more under his thumb now and she's going along with the abuse. She says she's happier but he controls every single little thing she does. I don't believe it. |
well then she is not applying surrendered appropriately. that does not happen when you surrender appropriately. And while my mom is not me, I lived in the house with the abusive marriage. Im not sure what you consider abusive, but if you only assume....
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amother
Honeydew
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Wed, Feb 20 2019, 11:53 pm
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Can we have a closed forum for people who have read this book and Would like to be in a support group?
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urban gypsy
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Thu, Feb 21 2019, 1:45 am
| amother wrote: | | And they each had an abusive husband. This book would have and if they had read it, possibly made their suffering way worse. The author herself states that it is not meant for abusive marriages. |
Exactly true. I read this book a million times and turned it into my bible. I realize the author states a warning that the method doesn’t work for abusive marriages, however 1) she does not adequately explain what an abusive marriage looks like 2) she does not warn that her method will make the abuse exponentially worse. I was in complete denial that my husband was abusive right until the end, until a couple of months before I walked out. So how was I to know that this book was ruining my life? I do agree that her core message of surrender is a good one, in the sense that suffering comes from trying to seek control and peace and sanity comes from accepting that you can’t change others. But most of her practical advise, particularly relinquishing control of the finances and allowing your husband to give you an “allowance” is downright irresponsible and dangerous. Please don’t tell me I didn’t read or understand the methodology and that’s why it didn’t work. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day! But the author’s worldview is messed up and the vast majority of her advice is just wrong. Incidentally, if you check out her website, the first article she has listed on there is “14 ways to get your husband back after he leaves you” including thanking him, smiling at him, flirting with him, and seducing him after he commits infidelity. The woman is a loon! Please don’t take advice from her, there are better marriage books out there!
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