I'm so jealous | Imamother

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 5:12 pm

amother wrote:

You have no idea...nobody knows about my condition.
Everyone has their story and their challenges...working has its challenges....being a SAHM has its challenges....it's a waste of time and energy being jealous of other people.

I'm confused. What sort of medical illness has you looking normal enough that people don't know you are sick yet you can't work out of the house?

And I'd love to be a SAHM. I make more than my husband so thats not happening any time soon.

amother

Lime

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 5:35 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I'm a SAHM with no money. Once I stopped working we had to cut back on all of our spending, and we were already cutting back . I don't like being a SAHM but I am for now. You don't know the inside story by each SAHM but trust me the grass ain't as green as it looks.

Same- not yet a mom, expecting my first and can’t work. Constantly stressed about money. About the fact that my career (which was already a concession because what I wanted to do seemed out of reach) is getting stilted and I don’t know when or how I will be able to bounce back into the work force. It’s beyond humiliating to me, and depressing. And the best part is I have so much time but guess what? Nothing really gets done, I don’t cook more than you and my house isn’t cleaner- I can’t afford any help. I guess iyh after the baby It will be amazing to have the time but honestly as soon as I’m able to I’ll have to work and I’ll be stuck begging for a job because I don’t have enuf experience in my field....

I know ur situation is hard. In many ways I have it wayyy easier than you but just know that I am jealous of you also:) and I truly hope that iyh when ur husband finishes school you’ll be able to cut back as much as you want and have a great balance iyh.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 6:10 pm

amother wrote:

It doesn't make a difference...the point I'm trying to make is that being jealous is silly...there's nothing wrong with dreaming of being a SAHM...just don't waste your time being jealous of people who are. The grass is not greener on the other side. You have no idea of what SAHM's do...I spend a lot of time crying about my OTD child...besides for other challenges. And nobody knows of these challenges either. If you knew me you might think my SAHM days are very rosy and relaxing.My days are very challenging...don't be jealous of me or anyone else.

TranquilityAndPeace

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 6:25 pm

I'm with you, OP.

I run my own business full time. (More than full time?)

Last night, my daughter came into my bed in middle of the night because she was scared of the wind, and today was her English birthday, so she kept asking me when her birthday starts all night long.

I have Crohn's disease, one of those invisible diseases. Without going into my symptoms, I'll state that it impacts me a lot.

Sometimes I look at SAHM's just as you do. I guess what sets me straight is the thought (however hard it is to access it sometimes!) that Hashem gave everyone a custom life, a custom set of circumstances at every stage of life, just like a custom gown - nothing just happened. I'm supposed to be in this situation. Yet, I'm exhausted and working so hard, 6 days a week!

amother

Yellow

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 6:37 pm

amother wrote:

Why can’t you work?

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 6:44 pm

amother wrote:

I guess I was just curious because I have a disease that can force me to be a SAHM eventually but I'd be completely disabled and it would be kind of obvious to everyone.
I'm not jealous of you. And I'm sorry you are going through that. But there are lots of people who work and also cry about their OTD children. That has nothing to do with the SAHM part. Everyone has challenges. I had days where I was forced to work while in an awful place personally. To the extent it wasn't safe and I could have potentially harmed others because my mind just wasn't there. I'd have been a lot better off being a SAHM then because I couldn't endanger others when my life was going to hell. SAHM by no means have a monopoly on hardships.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 6:48 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

Curious - why is your job the "hardest job ever"? Is your boss strict? Is your job in healthcare (like nursing), and you're constantly on your feet? Do you have a long commute? Etc.

I want to tell you something that will not register and you will refuse to believe it: Your two year old will not remember you taking him to the library and the museum and the park. When your kids get older, that's when they need you more. For now, focus on the weekends, on the moments when you're home. Hug and cuddle and play silly games and do playdoh, and snuggle with them in bed. Don't feel so guilty about this time, and maybe plan a career trajectory that later on, you'll be able to be more present for your kids at a different job?

And milk every moment of that maternity leave! I loved it!

Yes, I work in healthcare, and I am the manager of my department.

On your comment about spending time with my babes- Not only do I believe you, but I thought I was the ONLY ONE in the universe who thought that! My 2 yo couldn't care less who hes spending time with. The thing is, I want to take him to fun places for myself. My son is also b"ah very smart and hes way ahead of everyone his age I know. He loves books and dinosaurs and fish. He can tell me all different types of dinosaurs and fish. Taking him to the library and aquarium would be so amazing. It would be a field trip for me and for him, even if he doesnt remember it. I want him to be able to learn and experience the world, and I wanna be there with him cuz it's so cute! It would also mean I would have the time to do it

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 7:05 pm

amother wrote:

With all due respect, you missed my point.
I said in my earlier post, we ALL have challenges, and not to waste time being jealous of other people.
The OP and others did say they were jealous of SAHMs and I was addressing that.

And you’re coming across as very insensitive.
I regret that I responded to you.
Good luck and refuah shelaima

amother

Lime

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 7:20 pm

amother wrote:

Why can’t you work?

A combination of licensing type issues related to my move and the fact that I am bh pretty far along in pregnancy so am at this point not the most attractive hire. I don’t have enough experience and my licensing did not translate well in our move. I am looking for work and have been extremely flexible but I am not in a major Jewish city so most begginers in my field are expected to work on Shabbos, that would probably be the only work I can get.

I do menial online work that drives me totally insane and makes me miserable.

To put this in perspective- I promise I’m not lazy! I was working full time and volunteering as a research assistant until we had to move for my husband’s schooling...

amother

Lavender

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 7:32 pm

I have a vision problem and can't do any work that would involve paperwork, computers and other vision related things. I'm not so creative so that eliminates a lot of other fields. BH, financially I don't need to work but I'm personally struggling to find something to go into with this issue. I'm looking at going back to school for my special education degree perhaps. But in the meantime, my limitations and qualifications limit me.

amother

Silver

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 7:59 pm

amother wrote:

I feel for you! It’s so hard! BH I work now only part time, and I’m still struggling balancing everything.

Yes, I have a medical condition no one knows or understands. It’s called depression.

Any way you can cut your hours? Saving in babysitting for two kids night just be worth it.

amother

Pink

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 6:31 am

imorethanamother wrote:

I guess you've never heard that the first 3 years are the most important ones.

imorethanamother

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 2:57 pm

amother wrote:

Healthcare is totally a drain, I hear you on that. My tip is that Sunday adventures are the best. One week go to the aquarium, one week the library (there are a select few that are open on Sunday, you'd be surprised!). If you can't go to a library, find a local Barnes and Nobles. I used to take my kids and we would read books for hours that we'd find there. Everyone's very helpful. And we would buy some books occasionally - they have pretty amazing encyclopedia type ones that the library never has.

You can also order some books from the library and read them to him on shabbos.

I think that little toddlers just need lots and lots of hugs and kisses, and occasionally a mom to play play doh with. But their needs are few. And as they age, that aquarium and library and museum on Sunday becomes really cherished and MUCH more fun!

amother

Pink

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 5:26 pm

amother wrote:

My boss has cancer for years now... You can't see it. Yes she's pale, yes she has more doctors appointments but you can't see she's terribly sick.
One of my neighbors was working full time, he was told he had cancer and passed away after 10 days. He looked perfectly fine... It was a shock to everyone.
So some people can be terribly sick and you'll never know.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 6:37 pm

amother wrote:

Right but if they are terribly sick and you can't tell they are often working. My husbands coworker just died of cancer. She worked till close to the end. I had a coworker die of cancer at work. I get if people can't work with advanced cancer btw. was just curious what this particular case was.