Divorce good/bad for the kids

amother

Natural

Tue, Feb 26 2019, 9:50 pm

amother wrote:

So I’m reading up on all of these posts and am hearing everyone’s opinions. I’m currently separated from an extremely controlling husband and will most probably divorce him (although we’re still trying to work on it). My kids are doing better now than ever before and seem to not be struggling very much. I constantly validate that it’s not an easy situation but they seem fine with it. They are young though, 6 and 3 and I’m wondering if it’s easy now because of their age and once they’ll get older and will grasp more the pain will catch up to them? I keep on worrying about that but perhaps their young age just helps them accept it and they won’t deal with as many challenges?

I was 6 when my parents divorced and my younger brother was 2. [I’m the OP of the thread “my parents are divorced. AMA”

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....49460 ]

It was really just our reality. We knew no other way of life. I don’t feel that I struggled in life. We had therapy, processed it, and moved on.
My mother and us children would have suffered tremendously if she had stayed married. I thank Hashem every day that she had the courage to divorce my emotionally abusive father.
ETA: link added

amother

Azure

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:34 am

amother wrote:

Thank you so much for sharing the link! It was very helpful! It’s been 2 years for us and my kids are very matter of fact about it. I’m realizing that community has a lot to do with it and in my chassidish world ppl will not be there for me the way the have for you. You mention therapy, at what age did you go for therapy? I haven’t started my kids yet but am wondering if they need.

To answer to the posters who mentioned shidduchim, I believe in bashert. I lost an aunt whose kids can also be considered damaged goods and I have a cousin who’s diabetic. If kids are meant to marry someone they will and if it’s someone with an “issue” they will possible have an “issue” as well. Kids from intact families have to look away sometimes too. As a matter of fact I have a friend who’s son is on the spectrum and a bit socially off. Guess what? My son who’s bh top of his class socially and academically will probably struggle less with shidduchim than her son from an intact family. So I’ve decided to stop playing god and just do what’s right for me in the present and let Hashem take care of the future. No one knows what their future holds, for us it’s just a bigger nisayon in emuna and trusting Hashem that all will work out for the best.

amother

Natural

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:24 am

amother wrote:

We started therapy right away. I remember going to the social worker after school.
I am so sorry that your friends and community will not be there for you.
Our community is really special and we never would have made it otherwise.