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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
S/O apartment living: What age can kids stay alone (read)
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jewishmom6




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:06 pm
why cant you leave them while they are sleeping?
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:09 pm
That's what I'm trying to figure out. There's "what if there's a fire" and "what if they wake up and panic until I get back" (even a few minutes of that kind of panic could be totally traumatic) but there must be an age at which it's safe to step out. Should I ask the kids if they're OK with it, against panic?
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:13 pm
Mayflower wrote:
To those who say they would never leave the kids alone, even while sleeping, because something might happen: would you also not take a shower?


If I'm in the shower, I can get out and reach the kids in case of an emergency.

If there's a fire while you're in the basement, you're not going to be allowed to go upstairs to get to your kids while the building is being evacuated.
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jewishmom6




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:16 pm
I used to take walks at night with my husband while my kids were sleeping.
Seems like a common thing to do here.
When I first started doing it and was kind of nervous. I left one phone next to the room and listened out on the other phone.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:18 pm
Do you have a husband? If you do, when does he get home?
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:33 pm
Jewishmom, how can you leave kids alone in the house at night?????
Even if everyone does it, it still doesn't make it safe. It makes everyone irresponsible.
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rivkam




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:38 pm
delicious wrote:
This is not on topic, but what does S/O stand for?


Spinoff
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amother
Gray


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 12:55 pm
As a side note, I was once at a meeting with the assistant to the D.A. office. She told me( this was 8-9 yrs ago) that if gd forbid something wld happen to kids and the mother was not home( meaning she left underaged kids home alone) she would be prosecuted
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 1:00 pm
I am not in an apartment anymore but my kids have known for years that if they woke up and I was not there that I probably took out the trash or was doing laundry so they wont panic. I was never in a large building when we were in an apartment so what worked for me is not relevant since our whole building was probably the size of some peoples houses here.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 1:18 pm
So here's the thing. I think we can all agree that you can leave a 15 year old alone in an apartment while you spend 10 minutes putting in laundry. I think we can also agree that you shouldn't do that with a 3-year old. So the real question is how and when and how do you know when they move from one stage to the other?
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 1:21 pm
I think each kid is different. My 8 year old is very self entertaining. I could leave him reading a book and come back 10 minutes later and he would still be sitting there reading. Younger then that is when I think it gets dicey.
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shanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 1:55 pm
Is there a way to teach a child what to do if an emergency happened and trust that they wouldn't panic?
I think eight is old enough if nothing happens but too young if there was an emergency and since we can't know, probably too young.
To narrow it down for you OP I think maybe between 10 and 13 depending on the kid.
(And also there's a difference between taking care of herself and taking care of other kids as you've mentioned)
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amother
Rose


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 2:06 pm
amother wrote:
So here's the thing. I think we can all agree that you can leave a 15 year old alone in an apartment while you spend 10 minutes putting in laundry. I think we can also agree that you shouldn't do that with a 3-year old. So the real question is how and when and how do you know when they move from one stage to the other?


I have a very responsible/capable 9 year old DD. I dont live in an apt so I can't say for sure but I think I would leave her to go to the basement for laundry, but only if:
1) There was a phone in the apartment that she could use to call me if necessary.
2) She was not watching younger children under the age of 7-ish.
3) She was comfortable with it and not nervous to be alone.
4) She was awake (this one is because if she was sleeping and did happen to wake up and I wasn't there she would freak out even if she could figure out I went to the laundry because she is disoriented and tired if she wakes up at night and she wouldn't be able to process the situation rationally)
Also, I don't think I would have said the same thing a year ago. Meaning only at her current age of 9 but probably not younger.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 2:18 pm
I agree with rose amother.

If you have babies who will stay in their crib, and an older child who is responsible (11 and up), then that would be OK.

If you have kids in the "mischief years", then please don't leave them for a split second! If they are old enough to walk, but too young to have the common sense G-d gave a hamster, then please don't leave them unless the child in charge can absolutely keep them safe and under control.

Kids in that age group can escape, turn on the stove, break glass, jump off of the counters and bonk their heads, and 100 other types of mayhem. Sometimes even full grown adults can't keep up with them!
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 2:54 pm
jewishmom6 wrote:
I used to take walks at night with my husband while my kids were sleeping.
Seems like a common thing to do here.
When I first started doing it and was kind of nervous. I left one phone next to the room and listened out on the other phone.


There are parents who did this and came home to find their apartment in flames. Is it likely? Not really. But that doesn't mean it's responsible behavior.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 3:01 pm
jewishmom6 wrote:
I used to take walks at night with my husband while my kids were sleeping.
Seems like a common thing to do here.
When I first started doing it and was kind of nervous. I left one phone next to the room and listened out on the other phone.

People do this. I cant understand why people think its acceptable. What would you have done on the phone if someone broke into the house? Hear the intruder and call 911? Then what? Is the walk worth the risk?
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 3:14 pm
so depends on the kids. my very mature 5 year old for sure. he knows how to react , he is calm, wouldnt make any problems, wouldnt be scared, knows how to lock/unlock the door, call me or tati and knows how to go over to the neighbor in case of emergency.

his older brother is now perfectly normal but at age 5 I would not have dreamed of leaving him even 2 minutes. he was scared of everything, very childish, could climb on furniture etc. so him at age 5 I wouldnt leave.

it depends on the kid really
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Wed, Feb 27 2019, 4:10 pm
I don't have any kids with mischievous personalities or unstable ages.

I guess it's true that the 5 minutes you leave might be the instance when something happens but it seems so farfetched to me to worry about that when we're living here for 10 years with no incident. There would be no open flames, the door would be locked. It's true that anything's possible but at what point is the fear reasonable? If we had to deal with every what if then we'd never do anything in life.
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shanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:32 am
I think one should consider if the kid would be frightened if someone knocked on the door. I used to be scared (a little) when someone would knock at night when I was babysitting as a teen.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Thu, Feb 28 2019, 4:50 am
Oy this thread makes me feel rather ashamed...
I've left a baby a few months old at home (always asleep) while I picked up her sibling 10 mins walk away instead of waking her and having to pull out the double pram :/
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