Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
Sore losers



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Natural


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2019, 8:13 pm
Playing games with my kids can get so frustrating. None of them like to lose. Obviously for a 3 year old it’s normal but what about older than that? I stress to them that I like to play for the fun even if I lose but to them if they lose they get So upset or make an excuse to leave the game Before it’s over. I think it’s more that their siblings won over them. They can’t “fargin”. But I’m not sure. Any suggestions ?
Back to top

amother
Papaya


 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2019, 8:26 pm
amother wrote:
Playing games with my kids can get so frustrating. None of them like to lose. Obviously for a 3 year old it’s normal but what about older than that? I stress to them that I like to play for the fun even if I lose but to them if they lose they get So upset or make an excuse to leave the game Before it’s over. I think it’s more that their siblings won over them. They can’t “fargin”. But I’m not sure. Any suggestions ?


This won’t help them learn not to be sore losers, but will help if you want to have quality relaxing fun game times: cooperative games!! We love them! They’re games that everyone works together to win or lose. It’s everyone together so it takes away that competitive edge, and less disappointment if they don’t win. It’s also really nice to have everyone work together instead of against each other.
There are tons out there for different ages /skills, from toddlers & up, even adult ones.
What ages are your kids?

On another note, my oldest who is very intense & sensitive would literally have melt downs every time they lost. Completely out grew it by now, and now loves competitive games so u never know...
I also found that with their peers my kids had an easier time loosing them with me /or siblings. I invested in some cooperative games, at the same time felt my kids get the skills to lose in school /with friends, so was happy to have my game time with them purely positive (for those that will say they also need to learn to lose -believe me, plenty of opportunities for that without you playing these games with them, enjoyable quality time is more important IMHO...)


Last edited by amother on Tue, Mar 12 2019, 9:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 10 2019, 9:40 pm
I have one who hates to lose and I'm seeing a lot of improvement. In addition to the moralizing kind of talk/stories, I do a LOT of positive reinforcement for good sportsmanship behavior. We prep and practice before the game starts (OK, we're going to play UNO. Someone is going to win, and some people are not going to win. Are you OK with that? What will you say and do if someone else wins?), and then at the end if she's losing I start with the positive reinforcement before the behavior even starts - "Wow, I can see that no matter what happens next you're staying calm, you're so big!" etc. Of course to keep things fair, if the other kid(s) lose graciously they get the same accolades. We congratulate the winner on their victory, and we congratulate the non-winner for a game well played and for being a good sport. (oh, and they're "not the winner," not "loser." Because we definitely have had issues with that...)

Cooperative games are a great idea to get a break from the win/lose tension, too. There are some really nice ones out there. Maybe BKIND will help with suggestions because I don't know offhand what's on the market now - I saw some nice ones that were really old and for sure out of print, and one I tried recently was a dud (just boring.)
Back to top

amother
Ivory


 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 8:59 am
I cant give you direct advice or a tutorial on what to do, but I can tell you to NEVER say "it's just a game!" That makes them feel invalidated, and its such a killer to them. For them, it's more than "just a game". And telling them that will absolutely not help, and can actually be harmful. Instead, tell them "awesome try! That was a hard game!" and point out good moves they did.
It may help to say "good game! Let's play again!" really quickly with a big, calm smile, and start setting up again. You can tell the child who lost (if they're crying) "I understand you're upset. I also hate losing. Let's try again."
And ignore tantrums at all costs.
Back to top

mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 11:19 am
My kids are big time sore losers. One simple rule that has actually made a big difference is that “winner cleans up” in our house, so that takes some of the sting out of losing.
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 11:39 am
mommyla wrote:
My kids are big time sore losers. One simple rule that has actually made a big difference is that “winner cleans up” in our house, so that takes some of the sting out of losing.


Love it!
Back to top

mommyla




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 11:50 am
Chayalle wrote:
Love it!


Thanks! The loser will pout for a minute, then smugly say "winner cleans up" and move on. It was the rule when I was a kid too. Probably instated for my sore-loser older brother LOL
Back to top

amother
Papaya


 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 11:52 am
mommyla wrote:
My kids are big time sore losers. One simple rule that has actually made a big difference is that “winner cleans up” in our house, so that takes some of the sting out of losing.


That’s adorable!


Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:26 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

amother
Papaya


 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 12:15 pm
seeker wrote:

Cooperative games are a great idea to get a break from the win/lose tension, too. There are some really nice ones out there. Maybe BKIND will help with suggestions because I don't know offhand what's on the market now - I saw some nice ones that were really old and for sure out of print, and one I tried recently was a dud (just boring.)


We like the family pastimes games, u can get them from their website or on amazon. My kids are still younger, so I didn’t try any of the ones geared to older kids.
For the 4-8 year range I’d suggest:
The secret door
Max
Snow storm
Harvest time
They’re a little old fashioned, but I like that they’re ‘thinking’ games not pure luck.

Hi Ho Cheery Oh is another favorite -not sure the company for this one, but it’s a really cute well made game. Can be played competitive or cooperative, I just taught my kids the latter version. This game is a luck kinda game.

For older kids I’ve seen some with really great reviews on amazon, but haven’t actually tried any. Just search cooperative games.

Have fun!!
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children