Spacing after twins

Israeli_C

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 1:59 am

After having twins I recently got a heter for 1 year, after which everyone (me, DH, Rav) need to assess the situation again. I'm guessing my Rav will basically ask me what I want because he told DH that he and his wife nearly had nervous breakdowns after having another baby soon after their twins and HE was the one to push long term BC (instead of pills).

For the imas who have had twins- how long did you wait before having more?

amother

Jade

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 6:06 am

I let Hashem decide the spacing, which turned out to be 2 years. (Nursing definitely spaces out my pregnancies.)

I guess if my twins were really hard kids I might have felt otherwise, but my twins together are less intense than some of my other singles... LOL

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 6:39 am

This is going to be dependent on soooo many factors, none of which you can even predict at this point. You have to look at your individual functioning, dh's, the other kids in the family- whether their needs are all truly being met, your shalom bayis. And assess how another pregnancy can affect each of those.

amother

Brown

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 8:34 am

My friend has a 4 year gap after her twins.
My sis didn't start ttc till her twins were 4.

Yeah, definitely more than a year, especially that you have more kids besides.

Israeli_C

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 9:17 am

amother wrote:

Lol Hashem isn't as generous with me Tongue Out

Even while nursing exclusive, anytime after 6 months I can get pregnant. And the twins were conceived while on the minipill!

I totally agree- my first was much, much more difficult than both of my twins together. And currently my 2 year old is waking me up more than the twins at night :O

Sebastian

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 9:25 am

at least 3 yr imo.

do not let anyone push you into getting pregnant before you, dh, your marriage and your parenting can handle more

amother

cornflower

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 9:31 am

I took a 2 yr break just after having a single (2 kids close together)!
I can't imagine taking less than 3 yrs for twins.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 11:36 am

7 years. We hadn't initially planned on that big of a gap, I think I had hoped for something closer to 4 years, but we had some major health and marriage issues and it took us a good long time to be ready. In the end I was very happy, my twins were old enough to help and also be understanding when I was busy with the baby. The terrible twos and threes can be a lot with twins, I can't imagine having felt ready for more before they outgrew that.

amother

Tan

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 1:45 pm

I waited to try until they were 3 years old.
Then took another year to become pregnant,
So between my twins and next one there is a 5 year gap.

ectomorph

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 1:47 pm

Israeli c don't even think about it for a year. Then the answer will be clearer any way because you'll see how you are functioning then

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 2:31 pm

My third was a “surprise” baby (BC fail) and arrived just after my twins turned two. It was brutal. And I even had a lot of help at home with housekeeping and childcare. I was barely hanging on for a couple of years there. We waited for about 6 years to have more after that.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 2:32 pm

I think this is very individual. I don't think anyone can or should give you hard and fast rules.

Personally, I was on BC after my twins for about 2 years dealing with unrelated health issues. Had the next one kah when they were about 3.5 years. That worked well for me.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 3:21 pm

My sister has twins and her next one was born 4 1/2 years later. All her subsequent children are also spaced 3-5 years apart.

amother

Jade

Tue, Mar 19 2019, 3:15 am

I think the Rav's advice is the best here: Just reassess after a year. No need to project about what you might feel then.

The reassessment is not necessarily to decide "when am I ready to have another child" but "when am I ready to revisit the issue."

Similar to what we tell girls when they are dating: "Don't ask yourself if you want to marry him, ask yourself if you are willing to meet him again."

Deciding now that you will wait until you feel like you can catch your breath is, IMHO, a better decision than planning for a certain time period.