PSA: Collecting Tzedaka

FranticFrummie

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 7:58 am

If you, or someone you know collects for the poor, please keep in mind that not everyone can afford to write big checks.

I can't tell you the number of times I've been sniffed at because all I had to give at the time was a couple of shekels. I've even had it given back to me with disdain. You'd think I'd handed them a dead mouse.

Poor people like the mitzva of giving, too. We know it's annoying to deal with coins, but sometimes that's all we have. It's not the amount that is important, it's the being able to contribute what you have.

By giving attitude to those who don't have much to donate, you are EMBARRASSING THEM! All the money in the world will not make up for that.

If you don't want to carry around my shekels, put them in the nearest pushka and go on your way. At least let me think I did something nice for someone.

PS: It wouldn't kill you to smile and say "thank you".

/vent

amother

Crimson

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 8:32 am

The collectors have done it to me also. They think I should give more based on my house. They have turned down $5 telling me that it isn't enough, and I should give more.

I think shaming is one of their techniques to squeeze more money out of people.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:52 am

FF, collectors do NOT have the right to reject a single shekel on behalf of the people they are collecting for! If everyone who is ever asked for tzedaka gave (at least) a shekel each and every time, imagine how much that would add up to! Every bit counts!

devash1

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 10:55 am

I don't know many people that give more than one shekel. I was actually told by my Rabbi that that's what I should give since I really don't know their situation. I get many knocks on my door and have rarely had somebody say anything besides thank you.if they get a shekel from every single door they are actually making much more than minimum wage per hour and they should certainly appreciate that. I'm so sorry that you had that experience.

LittleMissMama

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 11:02 am

People push me and my husband as if we're stingy. We give significantly more than 10% maaser every single year. There's no way for them to know that obviously but they look at us as if writing a 3 digit number check or more is the obvious thing to do every time they knock. I hate it.

I don't understand why we can't all just give to one or two main funds and let them distribute it. In theory I guess I could, but giving zero to each person that still comes our way seems wrong too.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 2:34 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I give a $20 to everyone who knocks on my door. And now I stopped answering my door, because people are horrified by how little it is. It's upsetting, and now every ring on the doorbell makes me tense and all I want to do is hide. So I do. I hate battling.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 2:39 pm

amother wrote:

By giving $20 to everyone, you probably increased traffic to your door tremendously. $20 is generous. The collectors have a driver who tells them that this is a $20 house.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 4:31 pm

amother wrote:

20 dollars would cover my groceries for a week. I'd be over the moon if someone gave me that much money.

southernbubby

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:07 pm

Certain streets are a tzedukah collectors paradise and if you live on those streets, that's what the collectors expect.
If you are an American, you are rich and stingy, period. They will never believe otherwise.
On the block that I currently live on, small giving is more acceptable than on some of the neighboring streets where they see obvious wealth.

imabima

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:11 pm

This has worked for me to avoid the "it's too little" words or look.
I prepare a bunch of envelopes with $5 each and seal them. Handed to a collector with a smile and a 'hatzlacha' and we both win.

acemom

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:22 pm

southernbubby wrote:

....
If you are an American, you are rich and stingy, period. They will never believe otherwise....

If they manage to get more out of you, then you're a stupid, naive American...

I found this attitude only by a certain type of collector though, not everyone.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:27 pm

amother wrote:

By giving $20 to everyone, you probably increased traffic to your door tremendously. $20 is generous. The collectors have a driver who tells them that this is a $20 house.

I live in a neighborhood and next to neighbors that give substantially more. Believe me, I helped no one. Especially because the drivers take 50% or something. I've had people throw it back in my face, or come back later and tell my husband they were never there, and demand more.

One time, I knew that it was going to be another battle, so I caved and gave each person (there were a few) $40. It was no mitzvah, I begrudged the extra money but felt I had to avoid conflict. And guess what? They were still mad. They came back to my husband later to get more, and lied when he asked if they were there previously (I warned him that they weren't happy.). And got more.

I don't answer the door anymore. I feel bad about it. I only answer to the locals.

amother

Teal

Tue, Mar 19 2019, 9:57 am

My relative gives $100 to each collector, but only once a year. He has a special notebook where he writes down everyone he gives to and when people come, he checks if they got in the past year. If they got within the year, they do not get again.