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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Yea or nay?
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 11:58 am
This weird thought popped into my head. One of my sons has a truly exceptional rebbe this year. I wanted to include the following separate note in his shalach manos:

Dear Mrs. X,

We're sure you know this very well, but we wanted to take this moment to let you know what a truly special man your husband is. Our son, who is in your husband's class, comes home daily with stories of how Rebbe treats him and his classmates. They are learning lots of aleph bais and parsha, but they are also learning, by example, about respect, sensitivity and kindness. We feel really fortunate to have your husband as our rebbe!

A'fraylichan Purim, and much nachas from your beautiful family,

With appreciation,

Mrs. and Mr. DVOM

What do you think? Super strange? Yae or nay?
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:04 pm
Why are you writing this to his wife? Shouldn't it be directly to the rebbe?
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:06 pm
As the wife of a rebbe, I, for one, would certainly appreciate such a note. Of course Mrs. will share with her DH
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amother
Brown


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:08 pm
I think it's such a nice idea. The rebbi should get a note as well though
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:27 pm
amother wrote:
I think it's such a nice idea. The rebbi should get a note as well though


Yes, I was thinking of putting in two notes.
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:28 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
Why are you writing this to his wife? Shouldn't it be directly to the rebbe?


I was thinking of writing two notes. Too weird?
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HappyGoLucky1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:37 pm
I think it's beautiful and extremely thoughtful. I'd just put one note, maybe condensing the two.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:58 pm
Why not? Sounds beautiful
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:01 pm
I love this idea!! My husband often did nice things for people that he didn't tell me about and I always liked when someone took the time to let me know. Do it!!!!
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:04 pm
thank you note written to rebbie ... verbally thank his wife ... two notes seem weird
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Hashemlovesme1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:24 pm
I think 2 notes is really a nice idea. I would love some notes directed to me as a Rebbe's wife.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:28 pm
I think its a nice idea but strange. honesty, I would not. maybe they are in a marriage where she doesn't are about her husband's job. I can see this working if they are very close to one another, but writing her a note makes that assumption and its too personal for a parent of a student.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:34 pm
I find it weird to send a note to the wife. Her husband being a great Rabbi has nothing with her, it's his job after all. It's weird to give a woman you don't know a compliment on her husband.
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ccwife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:47 pm
amother wrote:
I find it weird to send a note to the wife. Her husband being a great Rabbi has nothing with her, it's his job after all. It's weird to give a woman you don't know a compliment on her husband.


Well yeah if she was complimenting his biceps it would be weird. But to compliment a wife for her husbands middos or talents? You benefited from him, standard hakaras hatov is to thank the people involved and believe me no Rebbi can be great with a very amazing women behind him. I would find it very strange if a wife didn't appreciate the compliment.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 2:03 pm
Ccwife, one does not need a great wife or a wife at all to be a great Rabbi.
I do think it's strange to compliment the Rabbi's wife because she has no idea who she is.
Same way it doesn't make sense to compliment a teachers husband.
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ccwife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 2:10 pm
amother wrote:
Ccwife, one does not need a great wife or a wife at all to be a great Rabbi.
I do think it's strange to compliment the Rabbi's wife because she has no idea who she is.
Same way it doesn't make sense to compliment a teachers husband.


Ok so even if there are Rebbeim put there whose wives are not behind their husband in what they do it's not complimenting the wife to tell her what an impact her husband has on my child.

But either way why would the wife not feel proud? You really think if someone told her something like you should know that my son raves about your husband, he says he's the best Rebbi he's ever had, the wife would think to herself why are you telling me this? I find that very hard to believe. Maybe it's just my circles but here we are proud of our husbands accomplishments and it doesn't hurt when other people notice them (cuz we're human!).
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Oops




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 2:23 pm
greenfire wrote:
thank you note written to rebbie ... verbally thank his wife ... two notes seem weird

Likewise.
I think a note to the wife can be weired, but making a phone call to her will be special.
OP so nice of you to want to thank. I'm sure your son benefits from your good Midos as well....
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 3:42 pm
I think your intent is really sweet, but I agree that it's a little funny to give this letter to his wife. I think it can come off as patronizing. A compliment is different than expressing appreciation. In order to give a compliment, you need to have a certain degree of either familiarity or equality in the relationship. If you would happen to run into her somewhere, I think it's ok to tell her that you have so much hakoras hatov for what her dh has done for your son, and leave it at that.
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Chazak613




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 3:47 pm
My husband works with bochurim and let me tell you, if I would get such a note I would HIGHLY

appreciate it. He really gives them his heart and soul (and soo much of his time) The wife also has to

give of herself for this to happen.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 3:50 pm
People in the community come over to me all of the time and tell me how wonderful my mother is- how she helped with this and that....

I'm sure they think they are doing something nice. Every time I smile and say, that's so nice and then shut my mouth before I tell them how my mother much rather help others than her own kids and totally neglected us.

It is a nice idea, but you never know how the wife feels. I would direct the note at him, and if they have a healthy relationship he will share it.
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