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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Poor Shaming on Purim
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Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:13 pm
amother wrote:
I think what it comes down to is that some of us feel bad for the people who are stuck in the middle especially when they seemed to be hurt by these tzedakah organizations. Personally I can afford to buy the bows. I chose not but I can and I know I can so it's not me worrying about myself.

As others said everyone can decide how they want to use their money to help the community. For us the struggling middle class pulls at our heartstrings so we loan out money to people in that category. Paying for people to own apartments isn't so we don't. Others obviously chose otherwise.


Exactly. It's the ones struggling that tear at my heartstrings. I choose to make my bows because the prices in some of these stores are insane.
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gamanit




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:45 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
You keep writing about the huge amount of tzedakah that is being given out and poor people being given luxuries - maybe it's just that this trend has not yet spread to Lakewood or New York, the two communities I am familiar with, but I am definitely not seeing this. I see plenty of poor people in both places, and they are really and truly poor. Working too hard, not enough money for food, hand me down clothing, living in way too small apartments....

There are certainly plenty of people in both places who are living above their means, but they are doing this either on Uncle Sam, their parents, or credit card companies cheshbon. Not from tzedakah organizations.

I think it's wonderful if, as you say, tzedakah is really paying for nice clothing for these kids. It's so hard to be poor, why begrudge these people a little bit of sunshine in their lives?


I can't like this enough
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:48 pm
amother wrote:
https://www.masbiaqueens.org/purim2019

(This is where my Purim tzedaka goes.)


I will show it to my husband because it's a good cause.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 12:50 pm
Squishy wrote:
Exactly. It's the ones struggling that tear at my heartstrings. I choose to make my bows because the prices in some of these stores are insane.


I need to learn how to do this.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:08 pm
southernbubby wrote:
I will show it to my husband because it's a good cause.


These are the same people who reached out to government workers during the shutdown to make sure they knew that help was available. They are (IMNSHO) really good people, and a really good cause.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 1:38 pm
amother wrote:
These are the same people who reached out to government workers during the shutdown to make sure they knew that help was available. They are (IMNSHO) really good people, and a really good cause.


Thanks for the heads up; we just gave. The rest of you: here's your chance to provide food for the poor on Purim. 💯% of what you donate is spent on food so take my advice and amother's advice and turn this talk into action.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 3:56 pm
so much shtus in one thread ... how about people just being yourself regardless of what anybody else thinks

being kind to another human should not involve "because they are a nebach case" ... rather because Hashem created us all & we are all vulnerable under whatever we have or don't have ... a smile goes farther than money or fancy shalach manos given in an ill-conceived manner
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 2:07 am
southernbubby wrote:
Jet black 😘😘😘
EXACTLY what Squishy and I are saying. If you heavily gift one group, you are probably short changing another. Organizations need to be aware of that.

I do feel however, and I think that halacha agrees with me, that sometimes we are the only ones aware of a situation so it falls on us to help. There are also people, may no Yid experience it, where severe illness may prevent the family from purchasing MM supplies and it becomes a mitzvah to take the kids to the candy store to have something to give out. If a teacher knows that a child has no means to participate in MM, she can ask friends to donate for the anonymous child.

That differs from an organization that gives lots of help to one group but then inadvertently creates a new needy group.


It is hard. I am happy with our situation and do not think that we need to have bows or fancy items. But my kids will feel left out as "everyone else has". If we didn't give to the poorest group all these super fancy items, then those in the lower-middle class won't feel the need. Maybe not even the middle class. Only the rich and maybe the "almost rich" would buy it.
I am teaching my kids to accept that "not everyone gets everything".
I don't want to accept tzeddakah and don't feel the need to accept it (we wouldn't qualify anyways) but it is frustrating to see how so many are short-changed. We are not the only ones and my kids are young enough. But what about those who consistently do not have but "everyone else does"??
Either we have a socialist system where everyone gets the exact same thing, which would be completely crazy, unnecessary and out of hand (and would never end as the rich typically want something else to stand out which perpetuates the cycle), or we cut back. People are going to complain "hey, let them be kids and enjoy themselves. Let them have something nice". But then be aware that you are hurting lots of other kids. The system has to change.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:44 am
greenfire wrote:
so much shtus in one thread ... how about people just being yourself regardless of what anybody else thinks

being kind to another human should not involve "because they are a nebach case" ... rather because Hashem created us all & we are all vulnerable under whatever we have or don't have ... a smile goes farther than money or fancy shalach manos given in an ill-conceived manner


The point of the Op's article is that, for poor children anyway, Purim becomes a bitter holiday. The child in the article suffered terribly from her inability to compete with MM so grand that the parents had to bring it to school and more than likely, the parents of the recipients brought it home.

Her point was to tone down the grandiosity so that everyone can participate. I wonder how many fancy MM givers give those packages to people who they regard as nebach. Maybe the blog writer wanted to open up some eyes.

As regarding tzedukah, the same contribution can help more people if less is given to each one. In the case of luxuries, it might behoove an organization to give cheaper Shabbos shoes, bows, etc so that more children can have. Obviously we are not talking about taking the food off of someone's table.
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