Babysitter drama! | Imamother

amother

Olive

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 7:33 am

I went to pick up my 2yo from the babysitter, and he was sitting at her table eating a bowl of whole, uncut grapes. I asked my babysitter of she can please cut them for him next time, and she got all insulted that I dont trust her! She refuses to cut his grapes in the future. I'm so nervous! I told her to just not give him any grapes then at all. She started yelling at me (in hebrew, so I barely understood). So I left, and I told her very sternly that my son will not eat whole grapes in her house, if that means having any at all. She called me up half hour later to demand I apologize. And I'm not stubborn, so I did. But I still told her that she cant feed him grapes. I'm really really nervous to send him now. It's so dangerous!

little neshamala

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 7:48 am

OP, she is taking care of your son in a very dangerous way. Its equivalent to leaving him in the bathtub alone. Or letting him play with matches. Whole grapes are a HUGE choking hazard (through age 5-there was a picture going around recently of an x-ray of a grape stuck in the airway of a 5 year old! BH it didnt totally occlude his airway so the child lived after surgically removing it).
Too many children in our community are mentally and physically challenged (special needs) after choking as babies and being left without oxygen for too long-and these are the ones that survived.
I wouldnt trust this babysitter to listen to your instructions, especially since she made you apologize. Shes probably thinking "who is she to tell me what to do, I have 20 years experience, I know what im doing..."

Switch babysitters immediately. (And YES I know how inconvenient it can be.) You have absolutely no choice. If you knew she left him unsupervised near the street, you'd switch, right? No difference.

amother

Olive

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 7:56 am

Theres someone in the same building who babysits, so I'm strongly considering switching. Not that much of a hassle.
Hello she dorsnt believe me that it's a choking hazard! Now I feel bad for the other kids/parents!!! She was like "you trust the non jews who tell you that grapes are a choking hazard, but you dont trust me to keep your son safe???" So I told her "what non jews? This is a known fact! ADULTS choke and die on grapes every year, and they know how to chew!" She doesnt believe me that it's dangerous. Someone's gotta knock it into her.

BadTichelDay

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:23 am

As the other posters wrote, switch babysitter ASAP.
If she does this one thing which is clearly dangerous, and doesn't listen to solid arguments against it, she might do other things that are dangerous, as well.

If you know other parents who leave their small children with her, I would warn them of the grape issue.
It is a bit tricky, and maybe consult with a Rav on how to do this properly without sliding into lashon ha'ra. But other parents whose children might be in danger, need to be warned, as this could endanger the children's lives.

little neshamala

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:25 am

BadTichelDay wrote:

If you know other parents who leave their small children with her, I would warn them of the grape issue.
It is a bit tricky, and maybe consult with a Rav on how to do this properly without sliding into lashon ha'ra. But other parents whose children might be in danger, need to be warned, as this could endanger the children's lives.

I just came back to say this exactly, you beat me to it

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:28 am

BadTichelDay wrote:

This.

little neshamala

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:46 am

watergirl wrote:

Why is she feeding your child food that you didnt send?

My babysitter often does that, but im fine with it. She is super careful about choking hazards, food sensitivities etc, and tells me every single thing my kid ate.

marshmallow

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:50 am

well at the end of the day, thats your son. what you want for your son is completely valid. I don't think its normal that your babysitter cant sit down and have a conversation with you about this without getting offended with every word you say. youre so amazing that you even apologized to her. please get a new babysitter!!

FranticFrummie

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 9:26 am

Please excuse me while I rant for a moment.

I am an experienced mom. I have current CPR training and First Aid. I listen to parents. I help with homework, sit on the floor to play, and fold laundry if needed. I don't stare at my phone, and don't fall asleep on the sofa.

WHY do people want to save a couple of shekels and hire a teenager, especially with a really young child who can't tell you what's going on?

trixx

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 9:49 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Babysitter sounds like an older woman set in her ways (note 20y of experience)

I had a babysitter that was the opposite, I would send foods that I knew my kid could eat and she wouldn't serve it and would lecture to me how dangerous it was (fruit, pasta, hello?) in truth she didn't want to watch while they were eating and wanted to be able to turn around and change another kids diaper.

amother

Copper

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 10:05 am

I am a babysitter.
She was totally out of line. The only food I give children to eat that the parents don't send is Cheerios. And even that- only after I have the parent's general permission.
But my annoyance is when parents send grapes, grape tomatoes, olives uncut or just sliced in half. Hello. Half a grape swallowed is still dangerous. It needs to be cut into at least 4 preferably 8.

amother

Black

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 11:30 am

You are totally justified in standing your ground about grapes. They are definitely a choking hazard. It is a well known fact that a little boy in Toronto had a grape in a store and choked. He was ill for 17 years before he passed away.
The fact that the babysitter is not respecting your request is a whole other problem.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 11:54 am

amother wrote:

I was going to mention that story. I know the family personally and we davened for them for so long. It was so sad, and the mom only gave half a grape. My family is paranoid about grapes and cherry tomatoes ever since and cut them up into like 16ths.

amother

Mint

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 12:03 pm

amother wrote:

He passed away? Baruch dayan ha'emes. I was in Toronto for shabbos for a simcha a few years ago and a relative of the boy watched my husband cut grapes into quarters for my daughter and told him the story

gamanit

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 12:19 pm

https://www.mother.ly/parentin.....rapes Just to put things into perspective. I don't really serve grapes but this does make sense. Choking incidents seem to match up with foods that kids eat. Chicken is also often choked on.

urban gypsy

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 12:36 pm

Another Torontonian here who is fanatically paranoid about cutting up grapes.
OP, this is a serious serious issue and you are right to be upset. Please switch babysitters!

amother

Sienna

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 1:03 pm

amother wrote:

Very simple - I trust you babysitter, but I don't trust him, and he's the one eating the grapes.