Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Dh buys us gifts, but we can't afford



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 9:40 pm
Just got a big box from UPS, in it were mishloach manot/Purim décor chachkes . DH bought the items for the Purim stuff not the food- I am soo frustrasted. DH should not be spending our money this way. I know he works very hard and wants to buy us things"treats" especially around holiday time. I just saw how much he spent and its more than a 3 weeks worth of groceries and the items on the website look way cuter than in real life- they are junk. So now we have less money and am stuck with more junk that we don't need. I tried to hold my tongue and not say whhhhyyyyyyy are you wasting our money on junk, but it came out (in better wording) and he said why can't you just say thank you. I wanted to buy something nice for you. uggghhh!!!! The one saving grace is that he bought it from a fundraiser so at least the money is going to tzedakah. If he had bought one thing ok- he bought 4 items and they are not small- no self control on this. We do not have the money to be wasteful and if you are going to be wasteful there have been one or two small items that I have mentioned to him I would love to have for other chagim. One of the things he purchase was a wine decanter that looks like a violin- very cute, but we do not need a wine decanter, just 2 weeks ago I was thinking about donating the one wine decanter we bought 20 years ago which we never use....
I am trying to get rid of junk and clean up and he keeps bringing stuff in.

In general I am jot good at receiving gifts- I like making purchases with him- I find it more fun and exciting that way- but this is such a waste!!! Soooo frustrated. and of course feeling like a bad person cuz here dh is trying to do something nice..... ugh!!
Back to top

Cheiny




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 9:42 pm
amother wrote:
Just got a big box from UPS, in it were mishloach manot/Purim décor chachkes . DH bought the items for the Purim stuff not the food- I am soo frustrasted. DH should not be spending our money this way. I know he works very hard and wants to buy us things"treats" especially around holiday time. I just saw how much he spent and its more than a 3 weeks worth of groceries and the items on the website look way cuter than in real life- they are junk. So now we have less money and am stuck with more junk that we don't need. I tried to hold my tongue and not say whhhhyyyyyyy are you wasting our money on junk, but it came out (in better wording) and he said why can't you just say thank you. I wanted to buy something nice for you. uggghhh!!!! The one saving grace is that he bought it from a fundraiser so at least the money is going to tzedakah. If he had bought one thing ok- he bought 4 items and they are not small- no self control on this. We do not have the money to be wasteful and if you are going to be wasteful there have been one or two small items that I have mentioned to him I would love to have for other chagim. One of the things he purchase was a wine decanter that looks like a violin- very cute, but we do not need a wine decanter, just 2 weeks ago I was thinking about donating the one wine decanter we bought 20 years ago which we never use....
I am trying to get rid of junk and clean up and he keeps bringing stuff in.

In general I am jot good at receiving gifts- I like making purchases with him- I find it more fun and exciting that way- but this is such a waste!!! Soooo frustrated. and of course feeling like a bad person cuz here dh is trying to do something nice..... ugh!!


Since the money goes for tzedaka you can consider the entire amount he spent as Maaser. Therefore you haven’t lost a dime, as he would’ve had to give that Maaser anyway.
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 9:44 pm
thank you- that does make me feel much better!!!!!
Now I just need a place to store it all for each Purim : ).

I feel so ungrateful.
Back to top

Cheiny




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 9:47 pm
amother wrote:
thank you- that does make me feel much better!!!!!
Now I just need a place to store it all for each Purim : ).

I feel so ungrateful.


You’re probably just overwhelmed. Go easy on yourself, and smile!
Back to top

SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 9:58 pm
amother wrote:
thank you- that does make me feel much better!!!!!
Now I just need a place to store it all for each Purim : ).

I feel so ungrateful.


Regift for teachers, rebbiem, your rav, parents ect MM?
Back to top

amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 10:51 pm
Can you work out a budget and set $x amount aside for dh to spend however he wants? Dh will have a limit and you can disconnect from that amount.

I also get frustrated at some of dh's purchases. This is what I'd like to do in theory.
Back to top

amother
Indigo


 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:54 am
I don't think you are being ungrateful. Giving presents is supposed to make the receiver happy. It's not doing what it's supposed to. If this type of thing happens often, it's time to sit down and plan a budget seriously.
Back to top

amother
Silver


 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:10 am
When my dh does things like this I tell myself “therapy session is at lest $150”. Let me thank him, make him feel good and have a better marriage.
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Mar 24 2019, 5:43 pm
amother wrote:
When my dh does things like this I tell myself “therapy session is at lest $150”. Let me thank him, make him feel good and have a better marriage.

Thank you!! This kept me going... DS came home from Yeshiva and ribbed at dh saying "oh so you bought all this for eema- okaaay sure...

I did say today to dh, let's please not spend $ for extras right now we need to save up for....
and he seemed to understand me- I hope..
Back to top

trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:12 pm
His love language seems to be giving gifts, so you can't control that, but you can maybe redirect by either providing him with a wishlist (it will still be a surprise if you don't know what he's choosing) or discussing a budget for random surprise gifts.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

Related Topics Replies Last Post
I want to uncover because I can’t afford wigs!
by amother
93 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:45 pm View last post
Bat Mitzvah Gifts
by amother
2 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:40 pm View last post
Anyone know - web that starts with classic (gifts)
by amother
1 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 2:10 am View last post
Kids want but I can’t afford
by amother
231 Wed, Mar 20 2024, 6:29 am View last post
Do you join in group gifts at work
by amother
7 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:32 pm View last post