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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Yea or nay?
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 4:27 pm
yikes sorry you are dealing with this and hope things get better for you

we all love it when people give compliments to us about our family members

I think it is nice to tell a husband nice things about his wife and vice versa
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 4:32 pm
amother wrote:
People in the community come over to me all of the time and tell me how wonderful my mother is- how she helped with this and that....

I'm sure they think they are doing something nice. Every time I smile and say, that's so nice and then shut my mouth before I tell them how my mother much rather help others than her own kids and totally neglected us.

It is a nice idea, but you never know how the wife feels. I would direct the note at him, and if they have a healthy relationship he will share it.

I once complimented a family friend for her husband who helped us that day and got a whole megillah about him only helping other people
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 4:37 pm
amother wrote:
People in the community come over to me all of the time and tell me how wonderful my mother is- how she helped with this and that....

I'm sure they think they are doing something nice. Every time I smile and say, that's so nice and then shut my mouth before I tell them how my mother much rather help others than her own kids and totally neglected us.

It is a nice idea, but you never know how the wife feels. I would direct the note at him, and if they have a healthy relationship he will share it.


I was thinking something similar. It's really hard to know what someone's personal relationships are like when you only know them in one context. I think that if you see the wife when you deliver the mm you can offer sincere gratitude, but the level of detail included in your note can make someone uncomfortable.
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caza




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 4:57 pm
Love the idea!
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:03 pm
I love the idea and would love such a note about my husband
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:12 pm
I think it's a wonderful idea to want to do it but I don't know how appropriate it is. I've received a phone call from a woman who I barely know thanking me for what my DH did for them for their business and how amazing he is blah blah blah. Honestly DH didn't tell me what he did , and I found it weird that she needed to call to compliment my DH to me. They also gave my DH a gift certificate . That made more sense to me. I think she was super grateful that they were successful businesswise based on what my DH did for them but I felt like I was the wrong person to receive the compliment.
The thought behind it is nice. The question is if the action is the right thing to do.
When I meet a Melameds wife at a school function or at a simcha I make sure to find one point that I really appreciate about what he's doing for my child and I let her know how much I appreciate it, so it's specific and personal but it's verbal.
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4pom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:14 pm
Wow. What varied responses!
Personally I’m the type that does things like this and now I know why I get some funny and varied reactions!
Oops
At least DVMOM knew to ask...

Anyway so glad your son has such a wonderful rebbe.
Purim sameach
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 19 2019, 6:26 pm
I think it's such a nice idea!
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 4:39 am
Good morning all! thanks for your answers. I'm not going to do it... I love the idea, but I'm glad I posted here first. I would never want to make the Rebbe's wife uncomfortable. If we see her when we deliver shalach manos, I will try to say something to her in person then.

Thanks!
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 5:07 am
DVOM wrote:
I was thinking of writing two notes. Too weird?


One
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 7:49 am
DVOM, I think the idea is beautiful. I'm not a Rebbe's wife, however, I think that the appreciation and sincerity comes across in your beautiful letter. If I was a Rebbe's wife, I would seriously appreciate it.
Behind every amazing Rebbe is usually an amazing wife. I would be so honored and grateful that someone is taking the time to acknowledge it. (Especially, since you hear so many complaints and also since usually Rebbe's are grossly underpaid in my part of town)
My additional two cents is that in a good marriage a wife would have pride in her husbands work and would appreciate such a note. However, I may be in the strange group.
So my vote if it counts anything is a resounding "YEA"
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 3:16 pm
There is a lot of mesirus nefesh that goes into having a DH in chinuch or any community position. Less income than a very talented fellow could be pulling in from a business or profession, constant demands on what should be family time.

As the wife of mechanech, I greatly appreciate when someone acknowledges that DH couldn't do what he does without my agreement (even if it's sometimes a grudging agreement).

That said, it's always very nice when talmidim or parents write a note of thanks, and some even mention "and, of course, to the Rebbetzin for making it possible" etc. So yes, it could be in one note. (In my house I'm the one who opens the mail and/or Mishloach Monos envelopes!)
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