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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Neighbors chipped in for a gift and I didn’t get it!



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amother
Salmon


 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 4:41 am
I had a baby 3 weeks ago. Our block always chips in for a gift. I never got the gift and wondering what happened. My neighbor who I’m very close to told me they collected the money. When and how can I ask the organizer of the gift what happened? I always chip in for everyone else and we usually buy the gift by a week.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 5:09 am
Ask your neighbor to figure it out.
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tweety1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 5:14 am
I wouldnt say anything. It's part of the "manners and etiquette". I understand that it must bother you cuz you always chip in, it would bother me too but to me it sounds weird for somebody to sort of ask " where's my gift".
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 5:19 am
tweety1 wrote:
I wouldnt say anything. It's part of the "manners and etiquette". I understand that it must bother you cuz you always chip in, it would bother me too but to me it sounds weird for somebody to sort of ask " where's my gift".
should ask her neighbor to figure it out because it was probably a mistake

I would definitely mention it to a couple of Neighbors and hope that it gets figure it out

Worst case scenario somebody made off with the money but even so you want to prevent it happening again
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amother
Denim


 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 5:24 am
It could have just been an honest mistake. I work in a gift shop, and sometimes we are given wrong addresses. We've had situations where a child takes the gift inside and puts it somewhere and in the Erev Shabbos rush nobody notices or the parents knew about it and "meant to call us" but forgot for a few weeks.

We've had so many crazy scenarios, op you should definitely try to track it down. I would ask a neighbor I feel close to to find out for me what happened.
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 8:28 am
Op should def follow up bc the neighbors will be expecting a thank you card or mention or something
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sarahmalka




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 8:30 am
I agree to follow up about it. Do packages get stolen off of porches? That happens frequently here. It's reasonable to ask, IMO, because of that risk and what others said, above.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 9:10 am
It's awkward for you to look into it but you should have someone you feel close to speak to whomever organized the gift. The people who chipped in want you to have the gift. Either someone dropped the ball or perhaps the gift was lost in transit. Definitely have a friend handle this for you. (Otherwise in a few weeks someone will post, "A bunch of us chipped in for a gift and our friend didn't even thank us!" OR "I gave money for gift and my friend never got it. Do you think the organizer stole the money?")
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amother
Gray


 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:20 pm
I had a similar situation when I was engaged. My friends pooled over $300 for my shower present. The father of one of them worked for a gift company, so that friend said she’d put the money towards a gift from the company. Never got a gift, I guess she kept the money?! Was upset over it for a while but decided to just let it go.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Fri, Mar 08 2019, 1:29 pm
When I had a mis, my sil ordered lunch to have it delivered to my door. My next door neighbor was a kimpeturin. Delivery guy delivered lunch to her apt instead of mine. She thought it belongs to her. She came to thank me for the lunch because it was coming from same family name as my own. Oh! Till we figured out the confusion!
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Mon, Mar 25 2019, 3:14 am
amother wrote:
I had a baby 3 weeks ago. Our block always chips in for a gift. I never got the gift and wondering what happened. My neighbor who I’m very close to told me they collected the money. When and how can I ask the organizer of the gift what happened? I always chip in for everyone else and we usually buy the gift by a week.


Mazal tov on the baby!

Is it always the same person who organises the gift? Do the gifts usually arrive right away because 3 weeks is not THAT long cosidering they have to collect money from various people and organise to purchanse and deliver the gift, plus, with Purim, things often get delayed (at least in my house!)

I would wait a bit, then speak to the neighbor your close to who told you they already collected the money. You could say some thing like "I don't want this to be taken the wrong way, you when we last spoke you mentioned that money was collected for a baby gift. I actually never received anything. It's not a problem, I'm not expecting it, but when you said money was collected I was concerned that maybe something had been left for me and it had been stolen. I'm also afraid people might be wondering why they're not being thanked."
Then you can ask HER to speak to the organiser.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Mon, Mar 25 2019, 3:19 am
amother wrote:
I had a similar situation when I was engaged. My friends pooled over $300 for my shower present. The father of one of them worked for a gift company, so that friend said she’d put the money towards a gift from the company. Never got a gift, I guess she kept the money?! Was upset over it for a while but decided to just let it go.


Is it possible she meant that she put the money into an account with the company so you can choose a gift from there? Maybe it’s still available?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 25 2019, 3:51 am
I'm with amothers floralwhite, plum, khaki, and ectomorph.

The standard etiquette goes like this:

1. Giver gives gift.

2. Recipient thanks giver.

When the delivery is not in person, the etiquette is something like this:

1. Giver sends gift.

2. If there is no response a reasonable amount of time after gift was sent, giver checks to be sure gift was received.

3. Recipient should thank giver when gift is received.

In this case, it sounds like the organizer of the collection fell down on the first or the second step.

I think the easiest way forward is through your neighbor with whom you are close. Have her call the person who collected.

She can say, "you know, I was chatting with my friend OP, and I asked her if she got the neighborhood gift, but she hasn't. What's the story?"

As a contributor towards the gift, it is within the bounds of etiquette for her to ask. And as a close friend, it's reasonable for you to ask her help in following up.

Mazel tov on your little one!
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