New woman joins shul to make friends WWYD?

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Mar 25 2019, 6:14 pm

I know you all mean well and are trying to process the OP and the situation, but I feel like 2 wrongs don't make a right and it is not respectfull to talk about OP behind her back (or I guess since it is on her thread it is actually in front of her face).

I remember once being at a Kiddush and I was by myself with noone to talk to and a cousin walked in and I was so happy because she was talking to me and after a short bit of time she saw someone else in the room that I guess she wanted to talk to more than me and she said she is going to talk to someone and walked away. At the time I felt bad and thought it wasn't nice of her but was DLKZ that since she is way more social then me that she didn't realize the "problem" that is caused me in that I was left alone.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Mar 25 2019, 6:18 pm

[quote="amother"]I know you all mean well and are trying to process the OP and the situation, but I feel like 2 wrongs don't make a right and it is not respectfull to talk about OP behind her back (or I guess since it is on her thread it is actually in front of her

Youre right.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Mar 25 2019, 6:25 pm

amother wrote:

I remember once being at a Kiddush and I was by myself with noone to talk to and a cousin walked in and I was so happy because she was talking to me and after a short bit of time she saw someone else in the room that I guess she wanted to talk to more than me and she said she is going to talk to someone and walked away. At the time I felt bad and thought it wasn't nice of her but was DLKZ that since she is way more social then me that she didn't realize the "problem" that is caused me in that I was left alone.

It's not mean to want to talk to someone else- it's mean to make it clear to the person talking to you that you DON'T want to be talking to HER.

thanks

Mon, Mar 25 2019, 7:18 pm

A Simcha is where you see your friends. If you want to spend time and shmooz, go out with them another time. I go with this attitude. That way, I don't feel bad if I'm not sitting near someone, or if I don't get to really talk to them. (especially weddings since the music is too loud to talk above anyway.)
If I'm at a Kiddush or Simcha, I talk to whoever is on my table.

Oops

Tue, Mar 26 2019, 9:13 am

amother wrote:

This!
And to OPs question - WWYD - I would try to get the conversation to involve both the newcomer and the BFF.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Mar 26 2019, 9:29 am

watergirl wrote:

They arent guesses. Everything I said is from your posts. The part I added about your rav was a guess if you want to call it that, because he allows what you described to go on at his shul.

Lol
Wow, you are probably a very very clever person! You are basing my life/ kehillah/ rav from a few anonymous online pasts!
I’m definitely looking forward to meet people like you!!! I’m very impressed!

33055

Tue, Mar 26 2019, 9:33 am

amother wrote:

I also want to meet her. It's not so often you find people intuitive, caring, and smart. Bounce

Pick me please

amother

Amber

Tue, Mar 26 2019, 11:30 am

OP, what a shame you didn't try to engage more with the newcomer. Who knows. You might have made a friend who actually cares about you enough to acknowledge that you're alive during the week.

I don't know about everybody else, but I have found it very hard to make new friends after college... and I'm mid 40's now. People in general are just friendly enough -- they say good shabbos, how are you?... but nobody is really going out of their way to really connect. I feel like I have 100 good aquaintances in my community when what I really crave is a really good friend or two. If someone would sit down next to me and want to chat with me that badly I'd be so happy to engage.

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Mar 26 2019, 11:40 am

amother wrote:

Fellow 40’s who feels the same way!

watergirl

Tue, Mar 26 2019, 11:44 am

Squishy wrote:

I also want to meet her. It's not so often you find people intuitive, caring, and smart. Bounce

Pick me please

Thanks! Next time I’m in your area, you and I are getting together!

amother

Navy

Tue, Mar 26 2019, 11:48 am

amother wrote:

Another in the same boat. If you live in Rockland county, I'd be more than happy to meet.

amother

Denim

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 12:44 am

Op here. I spoke to the Rebbetzen of the shul. I explained to her that I'm not looking to make friends right now and the whole story. She knows the woman who just joined the shul and informed her of community events where she can socialize and make friends. Today I saw the woman in shul. I smiled politely and said good shabbos to her and moved on. Later I saw her talking to other women by the kiddush. They had a lengthy conversation so she is okay.

amother

Copper

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 2:15 am

amother wrote:

I hope she will adjust nicely and make new friends. None of that changes the fact that your behavior was nasty and immature. I hope you treat strangers better from now on.