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amother
Black


 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 6:45 am
Thanks for your responses. Dh helps out a lot once he gets home, but he gets home very late after bedtime.

And yes, I am on BC and went on it after every baby so far. I still can’t do it all.

From the responses I am getting it seems that hygiene and quality time should be a priority, but I can slack off with housework and warm meals?

And yes, I may have PPD. Not sure yet, but am dealing with it.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 8:35 am
Throw away the phone for now, unless when you use it for me time.
Forget the baths, just do the bare minimum, the bare minimum.
Scrambled eggs for dinner is just fine, with cut fresh veggies and bread, or peanut butter and jelly. Almost no preparation.
Go to sleep. Take your vitamins. Do not feel like you HAVE to go here or there.
Do not fold laundry, just wash it and put aside.
When you start feeling like you're not about to cry anymore, then maybe you can start with the baths again, but only the minimum not the bare minimum anymore.
Your children have only one Mommy and you have only one YOU.
Take care of yourself and the feeling guilt should not be allowed to infiltrate your conscience.
B'hatzlocha!
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 8:42 am
amother wrote:
Thanks for your responses. Dh helps out a lot once he gets home, but he gets home very late after bedtime.

And yes, I am on BC and went on it after every baby so far. I still can’t do it all.

From the responses I am getting it seems that hygiene and quality time should be a priority, but I can slack off with housework and warm meals
?

And yes, I may have PPD. Not sure yet, but am dealing with it.


And self care... You have at least some symptoms of ppd. The Crying is not normal. Hopefully you will get the help you need.

If you give your kids videos that might help your afternoon. It's only a few months. When you feel better you can make it disappear.
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Sebastian




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 9:00 am
ectomorph, for me a semi clean house is essential for me to function normally. I can't see straight when the house is messy. Everyone has their own needs.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 9:05 am
I got a piece of advice here many years ago that I always refer back to.
when you have several kids who all need something at the same time, and when you are helping one and another starts crying, its easy to run from kid to kid never fully finishing with any one kids needs. its crazy making.

so my advice is this:
take care of one kid at a time. even if the baby starts crying while you are in the middle of giving another supper, finish with one kid then move to the next. don't stop one kid in the middle otherwise they'll never all be tended to.
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 9:14 am
OP. I’m doing just about what you are. Baby and a bunch of other demands.
My rule: keep it simple and enlist help.

Everyone has different standards for themselves.Try and consciously lower yours notch by notch.

Clean clothing. Nutritious food and a non-stressed home and mommy are my priorities.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 9:18 am
OP, when someone is at your point, I think you have to throw everything out not just shave off a few items on the to do list.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 9:20 am
I agree with many above.
If someone is crying because they really need attention, go to them. If the baby is crying because someone is hitting him, get to him first. If he is crying because he is cranky, he can cry for a few minutes, nothing will happen. If a kid needs you, attend to them based on urgency ie. blood before homework.
My kids think sandwiches for dinner is the best treat. why not?
My house gets cleaned properly on Friday. Only
Big believer in BRIBES! whoever cleans the floor gets a jelly bean! Whoever clears the dinner table gets a chocolate chip! Whoever is in PJs first picks the bedtime story!
On bad days, older kids put littler kids to bed if I am not up to it.
Sometimes Mommy gets a time out in her room. to breathe.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 11:51 pm
Everyone is different.

Figure out what makes you sane. When there are moments (or seconds) of calm. Look around and see what everyone is doing. Try and figure out how to replicate those moments.

For me bathtime was a lifesaver. My kids loved the bath. I would put all the kids in there from like 18 months up. I would bring a chair. Sometimes the baby would join (from a few months old) get a quick dip. Then I would feed the baby in the bathroom while singing/talking to my older kids. If they were older than 6 they jumped in the shower. My kids could play in the bath for 45 minutes. After I fed the baby. Would put in a bouncer on the floor. Bathtime made my kids sleepy. Then I would even fold laundry, sometimes clean the bathroom a little. Of course of course I stayed in the bathroom the whole time with one eye on the kids. But for me bathing my kids every night was a savior. 80% of the time I didn’t even wash them. After baby was out of the water I would throw in some bubble bath and after 30 minutes splashing in soapy water how dirty could you be?

So, when I hear people saying kids need to be bathed once a week so drop a bath that sounds so counterintuitive to me.

I also looked for things I could do with more than one kid- reading books I could do with 3-4 kids at a time. And it’s a very calming activity.

Suppers I learned that if I planned super simple ones that my kids liked. It took time to feed them and somehow they were more grounded.

So I would do chicken polkies and dh would take them out of the freezer in the morning. I don’t even clean the chicken. Just throw in a pan with sauce. (Literally takes 25 seconds)
And make those boxes of rice.
Slice cucumbers (my little kids love them)
And gourmet dinner. In 7 minutes.

Sanwhiches are good too. Cereal and milk. Slice a banana inside if your kids go for that to bump it up to more gourmet meal.

I worked in a preschool for a long time, and I found that once my kids hit 3 If I found the right toys and started them on it. They could play for hours. So my son (whose 5) can play magnatiles for days. My3 year old can do that with animals. My 7 year old loves to draw cut and glue. (From when it’s remotely sunny she goes on the porch to do that on a spread out garbage bag)

A new baby is super hard and needy. So don’t stress. Have somewhere safe- bouncer, swing crib to put baby down in if you are feeling overwhelmed. 10 minutes of crying is ok obviously try and make sure pamper is clean, and baby has been fed recently.

Have dance parties for your kids.

And mostly know that it’s normal to be overwhelmed. But if you feeling super sad all the time. Or feeling numb. Please call your doctor and reach out for help.

Also sunshine! Throw everyone in a stroller and take them to the park.

And take time for yourself. Turn on a video for the kids. Get a high school girl to babysit for 30 minutes, soak in a bath, drink a coffee with a yum chocolate, watch a funny show in your room. Something that feeds your soul.

And slowly slowly you will find yourself in a routine.

And for me most importantly was to have my kids sleeping early. Even baby. So I had some peace and quiet at night. I would often think I am going to clean the house put on a load of laundry etc but mostly I would just sit on the couch and do nothing. And that’s ok too.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Fri, Mar 29 2019, 7:30 am
amother wrote:
Thanks for your responses. Dh helps out a lot once he gets home, but he gets home very late after bedtime.

And yes, I am on BC and went on it after every baby so far. I still can’t do it all.

From the responses I am getting it seems that hygiene and quality time should be a priority, but I can slack off with housework and warm meals?

And yes, I may have PPD. Not sure yet, but am dealing with it.


I think for the next little while you should delegate ALL housework and meal prep to dh. He can prepare all the next days meals the night before. Yes, I understand that he comes home late and is probably tired too. But it sounds like you need this very very much for your mental health right now. Not forever. Your job can be to attend to the kids. And feed them the meals that he prepared. That's plenty.
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