Please give some advice-dd8

amother

Taupe

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:31 pm

I have a neighbor on my street who's daughter is same age as mine and goes to same school, same grade but different class.
My daughter is not friends with her.
I pickup my daughter from school everyday, and my neighbor asked me a while back if I can bring her daughter home too.
I agreed, because it is totally not out of the way for me, I don't have to wait for anyone ( in the morning they are notoriously late) it's a mitzvah, and at the time, she recently had a baby and I wanted to help her out.) This favor has continued on through the year. Lately my daughter is complaining that she doesn't want to walk home with her anymore...
My gut reaction is this is a teachable "work on her middos" moment. My husband feels like my daughter's feelings are worth considering and if she really doesn't like it for whatever reason, I should comply.
Just to add, I asked her why she doesn't want her to come and there is no specific answer. Just this annoyed feeling. When this friend goes to someone else's house and doesn't come with us my daughter comments on it that she's happier. I am torn.
Please weigh in on the best way to handle this..
Anon Bec a few ppl on here already heard about this from me and I don't want to out my screen name

amother

Black

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:38 pm

I get it. I take a neighbor's child off the bus every day and bring him in with mine for a little while because his mother can't get home in time for the bus.

It's hard. He's a little annoying. My son is also happier when this kid doesn't come to our house (and so am I, honestly). Once in a while I will tell the mom that I can't take him off that day, and she makes other arrangements. It makes my son feel like I hear him but I still tell him that we get a mitzvah and it only takes 15 minutes!

Plus, the school year is almost over. Don't commit for next year.

Chayalle

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:48 pm

What Black said. Make some special times where you tell the Mom you are unable to bring her daughter home, and make that time just for you and your DD. Maybe do something special with her then, like icecream if it's on the way.....

And emphasize to her that the other times are a big mitzva and a Chessed, but that you are making special time just for the two of you every once in a while.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:52 pm

amother wrote:

Your DD is losing out on alone time with her mommy. No wonder she is annoyed. I do think this should trump your neighbor’s need. Once or twice as a favor sure, but you say it has been going on the entire school year. I think you need to tell your neighbor that your DD needs some 1-on-1 time and the journey from school is the only real chance you get.

amother

Babypink

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 1:23 pm

I have a child who is a little socially awkward and none of the neighbors want to play or carpool with him. We carpooled for about 2 weeks and the other neighbor asked to stop so he can carpool with her son's friend. No advice, but it's tough for the other child and family...

littleprincess

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 1:55 pm

I posted something similar a while ago . I used to walk a girl home from school and after a while my daughter who is a super sociable girl started complaining about it
She wanted alone time with me , even though I had my 2 little ones as well . She tells me how her day went on the way home..
Also sometimes I wanted to run errands on the way home and having an extra child is a burden
We moved a while later so I told my daughter it's gonna stop very soon ...
The mother of the girl bought us a very nice present once we stopped

33055

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 2:21 pm

Honestly, I would not wait in the morning. Either she is ready on time or you leave. A couple of times like that, the little girl would be ready. It's not a mitzvah to bring your daughter to school late. Her needs trump.

I would also wean them off of the afternoon walk back. I should start making errands up. Your daughter comes first.

Aylat

Sat, Mar 30 2019, 2:21 pm

It sounds like this is a really big help for the other mother. I agree with you about it being a teachable moment for DD. 'Sometimes we do things that are a bit annoying for us and we don't really want to because we are helping someone else.' Is there anything you can do to make the walk more fun for them? Play games like I-spy, who am I, 20 questions make up stories together (everyone says a sentence). Find other opportunities to give DD one-on-one bonding time.