Why am I so indecisive?

amother

Puce

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 2:35 pm

Specifically in parenting, I have such a hard time doing the right thing on the spot.

Right now, I am sitting with a pit in my stomach because I feel I made the wrong decision. Last week we got my DS9 a game boy, with strict rules like it should be kept in my room when it is not being used, he can use it for max an hour a day, and only after he does whatever jobs/homework he needs to do.

Today he came running in the door from school with a friend who lives about 20 mins away. The friends mother was waiting outside to see if my DS could go to their house, which I was fine with. Then my DS said, all excitedly, and could I bring my gameboy, we want to play?

Inside, I felt I shouldn't let it out of the house but I said yes anyway. As soon as he left I got a pit in my stomach because I felt I just went back on e/t I had said. He was now going to use it for at least two hours and had also told DD she could have a turn with it today but she will be asleep by the time he comes home.

I totally regret letting him take it and feel I am getting mixed messages.

This keeps happening! I am indecisive and can't stick to the rules I say.

How can I stick up for my rules in a nice but firm way?

33055

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 2:39 pm

You could call the mom and say I hour max on the gameboy.

In the alternative, acknowledge to your son that this was a special one time only event with the game boy. He needs to ask you in advance for exceptions.

I know it is easier to say yes, but you will be teaching him to follow the rules if you hold firm.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 2:52 pm

Ugh my husband is like this. No backbone. I don't get it. You're afraid to be mean? You're afraid the kid won't like you? Kids feel safest with adults who set limits. They know they can rely on them. Our toddler loves tatty but doesn't take him seriously. Even at a young age, they know. I'm consistent and fair and I may not always be fun, but I'm the one DC comes to for meals and bedtime and anything that counts, because I will provide it.

Perhaps your problem is that you don't rlly believe in the rules you are setting. No problem, don't enforce them. But don't make them. Like if you don't actually care about being on Gameboy for 1 hour, you just think you should, you won't be able to enforce bc you don't actually believe in it. So maybe the rule is actually up to 3h a day or maybe you don't actually care about a time limit at all. Doesn't make a diff, just pick something you believe in and stick to it.

I have taught all ages including high school and I have worked with kids of all ages. There is no age that does not respect and like the adult who sets consistent limits.

I have also learned what I believe in and what I don't - turns out I could never enforce homework bc I don't think it's important. So now I just don't assign it.

You don't need a lot of rules to be a good mother. You need even one, as long as you stick to it.

amother

Azure

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 3:05 pm

Squishy wrote:

I like both of these suggestions.