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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Helping DD be "normal"



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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2019, 9:36 pm
DD10 is often saying she's not "normal" compared to the other girls. I sense a real insecurity, and specifically regarding her appearance.

She is developing on top, and it seems much earlier than her peers. I am never sure how much to allow/encourage adult styles and ideas due to this, or just let her be 10.

Some examples:

Should I buy her nude tights already this summer or stick with cotton knee-his? What is "normal" for a very mature 10 year old?

Her upper lip looks like it needs a waxing. Mention that she might feel better if we do it? Or just skip, as I have in the past?

Buy her styles that de-emphasize developing chest, or allow thin tee shirt dresses she loves but is often trying to re-arrange so that things don't "show"? Don't want to create body issues.

So lost...
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2019, 10:09 pm
It sounds like she's trying to really blend in, so I would help her do so in ways that are comfortable for her. Definitely buy her whatever socks the other girls are wearing, no matter how mature her body looks. Try to find clothing in styles that the other girls her age are wearing, taking into account that it should be flattering for her. Etc. In her head, it's bad enough that her body is so "weird." She doesn't want to stand out even more by dressing differently from her peers. Cookie cutter is ideal as far as she's concerned.

I'm assuming you've discussed body changes with her by now. Have you also mentioned increased body hair, and some of the options she has for removing unwanted body hair? If so, leave it at that. If not, I would mention to her that during this stage it's normal for girls to grow hair on different body parts. Let her know that if any of the hair bothers her you can help her figure out the best way to remove it, so she can ask you any time. Then leave the ball in her court, and accommodate according to her requests.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2019, 10:21 pm
Thanks for responding.

We did already have that convo about body changes and hair etc. That is definitely an inportant point.

She relies on me though for many other social cues, and doubts herself. With nude tights for example, we both don't really know what girls her age will be doing this summer.

She said she saw lots of kids just a bot older wearing nude last summer, but doesn't know yet what her friends will be doing once we get to the bungalow colony. Sometimes I don't know how to help her, because I don't know either!

Is there a "rule" about this?
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2019, 10:35 pm
Do you have any friends or family members you can check in with to know all the latest "rules"? I remember being so clueless at that age, and my mother was even more clueless, and it was so stressful to go shopping without having a clue if I would look "normal" or "weird". It would have meant sooo much to me of my mother had said something like, oh I asked aunt Chaya and she said the girls your age are getting patent leather with an ankle strap. Or whatever.

Btw I did of course mature and have BH reached the point that I no longer feel the need to follow trends to the t or worry about how weird I look. But I strongly believe that a girl who is dependent on her mother to do her shopping should have the need to fit it respected if that's important to her. There is NO benefit to pushing individuality in dress on kids before they want it. So, good job trying to help her Smile
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amother
Plum


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2019, 11:10 pm
You might want to look into her hormones. She’s young to be developing like that already, and the facial hair on women of any age is a signal of hormonal imbalance. This could also be affecting her mood. Be there for her to talk through how she’s feeling and help her- but my guess is if you work on balancing her hormones first, the other issues will become much easier to deal with.
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nchr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2019, 11:15 pm
amother wrote:
You might want to look into her hormones. She’s young to be developing like that already, and the facial hair on women of any age is a signal of hormonal imbalance. This could also be affecting her mood. Be there for her to talk through how she’s feeling and help her- but my guess is if you work on balancing her hormones first, the other issues will become much easier to deal with.


10 is within a normal range to begin developing, including facial hair.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2019, 11:43 pm
nchr wrote:
10 is within a normal range to begin developing, including facial hair.


Since the OP described her as “very mature” I assumed that she didn’t just begin developing recently...probably began before 10, which would be early... but I shouldn’t have assumed. OP can clarify if she wants. And facial hair in girls/women at any age could be related to excess androgens.
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