Having trouble with my “teen”

giselle

Fri, Apr 05 2019, 5:53 pm

Teen in quotes bec he just turned 13 and is barely a teenager. But he’s starting to act like one. And I am completely new at this. He’s always been a good kid and still is, but this new attitude is making me crazy. And I find myself imitating him as a knee jerk reaction. It doesn’t happen often but sometimes slips out. For example, today I asked him to peel some apples. I really don’t ask a lot of him. And he started making a big deal to which I answered something to the effect of - I’m not feeling well and I’ve been cooking all the foods you like and all I’m asking you is to peel a few things. So he answers with a lot of attitude - “I’m SORRRY”. And I repeated it to him the way he said it, and he got very upset. I admit it wasn’t nice of me and quite immature. Looking at it objectively, I was a little horrified at myself. Parents of teens, help! This is only the beginning... not looking forward to the next few years. What can I do to keep being the calm parent I really try to be?

FranticFrummie

Sat, Apr 06 2019, 1:23 pm

Welcome to the wild world of tweenagers. Hormones abound, and brain cells fly out the window.

What I learned, that really worked, was to focus on your child's actions, not their attitude. If he peels the apples, he can whine and roll his eyes at you all day long. He's just learning how to express himself.

IGNORE IT!

You can even be sympathetic. "I know you don't want to peel apples right now, but it needs to be done. Sometimes cooking can be boring, but as soon as you're done you can go do (whatever he was planning on doing)".

I repeat, do NOT react to tone of voice. Do not take the bait. Just don't. If you reward the attitude with an attitude of your own, you'll be telling him that he has power in the situation.

Force yourself to stay calm, and focus on what is important. Do you want the apples peeled, or do you want to give into a fight?

As soon as he realizes that his attitude isn't getting him what he wants, it will taper off naturally on it's own.

Aylat

Sat, Apr 06 2019, 2:26 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

My line is: "you don't have to want to do it, you just have to do it." And then I either empathise or ignore their grumbles.

Lots of sympathy OP. My oldest is also 13 yo. The way I described it to a friend is it's like those multiple choice questions where option D is: none of the above is correct. So much of the time it feels like nothing I do is right!

amother

Red

Sat, Apr 06 2019, 10:47 pm

I tell my kids that it's not respectful when they try to give attitude. I don't speak to them like that. They may not speak to me like that.

We don't take their attitudes. The boundaries get set firmly and closely. If you set loose boundaries, they just rebel at that looser boundary.

They tell us we are the strictest parents around, but, BH, we have great kids. They have tried to teenage us, but they get nowhere with it. They say that their friends can speak disrespectfully to their parents with no consequences.