Teach me to make friends

amother

Orchid

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:21 pm

You can start by asking them, do you know the bride or the groom? That's the standard opening I get. Make a comment about the food or decor.

If you know these 10 or 15 people ask them something you know they are interested in?

amother

Orchid

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:22 pm

flmommy wrote:

Watching, For suggestions. I am the same way! Can’t get into deeper conversations.

You usually don't get into deep conversations with acquaintances at weddings.

Reality

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:37 pm

amother wrote:

came to a simcha, new about 10-15 people and didn't know what to say beyond mazal Tov ,nice to see you.
Help, I need friends

To a friend: ask how any other family member is doing, what are their summer plans, what are their kids up to etc.

To a stranger: compliment their outfit or hair/shaitel, say you look so familiar and do a little jewish geography- be careful not to be annoying.

Smile. Look warm and friendly!

I know it's hard if it doesn't come naturally to you. It really takes practise. Hatzlacha rabba!

amother

Orchid

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 10:18 pm

Reality wrote:

This comes easy to me.

Smile a lot. People naturally smile back.

Be positive in your initial conversation. No one wants to deal with negative people. Don't complain about anything. It's ok to share funny stories.

Focus on the person not what she can do for you. It's ok to ask small things like pass the seltzer. Don't ask for money or a big favor for someone. It's not the time.

Make sure there's a conversation. Don't babble.

Don't come across as needy.

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 11:20 pm

Thanks all. That's pretty much what I do : make really small talk, lol. Takes half a minute to say so how's your daughter and what's your plans for cholent hamoed. And then they have friends to talk to and I'm left to myself. The question is really how to make friends. The simchas just make it that much more obvious that I'm a loner. Sad

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Apr 09 2019, 12:23 am

PSA: introverts don't really do well with small talk. They crave deeper conversations, so wedding table small talk doesn't come easily. If you are introverted, it's ok to acknowledge that you aren't necessarily going to have much to say to a stranger at a wedding. But there are other introverts in the room, I promise. Find one of those, and then you can have a conversation about something other than the flower arrangements.

Reality

Tue, Apr 09 2019, 8:56 am

amother wrote:

That depends what stage in life you are up to. You need to socialize outside of simchas so that the people you meet at a wedding view you as a friend and not a mere acquaintance.

If you have kids: mommy and me class or a toddler program at the local library or a shiur that provides babysitting or get involved in your kid's school.

For everyone: join an exercise class or a book club. Volunteer at your shul's events or at a local chesed organization. A shiur that serves coffee and cake afterwards etc.

Nobody will magically instantly become your friend. But if you join a class/group and attend regularly people will start to view you as one of the gang.

Best of luck!

amother

Orchid

Tue, Apr 09 2019, 9:17 am

amother wrote:

Engage them with a short funny story. People love to talk about their kids. It's just bonding to move on to a connection.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Apr 09 2019, 9:25 am

I find that it’s helpful to observe people who are socially savvy. Their body language. They way they listen to others. Their respect for others personal space.
I have a close friend like this . She goes to a shiva house & knows just what to say & how to say it. How to show concern without being intrusive.
I’m an introvert but I’ve learnt to emulate her actions. With time it gets easier & more natural.

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Apr 09 2019, 12:45 pm

I find it pretty easy to strike up a conversation with a woman (assuming she's a friendly sort). I often do that on the elevator. You either make an offhand joke about something that's going on, compliment something they're wearing, or comment on the situation. You're at a wedding -- "as usual, everyone is wearing black. it's so nice to see someone in a color."
"Weddings are the one time I get to try out mixed drinks. I think I'll get a pina colada. Can I get something for you?"
"Wow duck. I'm on a diet, but I'll break it for this".
etc.
Anything will get the ball rolling.
Just pick a friendly face.