Said morah tells him he does e/t wrong

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2019, 9:04 am

Last night my kindergartener said his morah told him he's always doing the wrong thing. I chatted with him a bit more and it sounded like he had a number of challenging moments that particular day- acted a bit silly at circle time, was stubborn about cleaning up after play time, stuff like that. This isn't a regular thing, he usually does very well at school, so it seems like he had a bad day and the morah was likely frustrated with him.

I don't think he has off days often or major ongoing challenges. He had an issue at the beginning of the year, morah was in frequent contact with me about it, we worked on it, things resolved, and since then I've only heard from her at parent teacher conferences and it was all positive things. Also, this particular child of mine does have a tendency to exaggerate things--for example, when me or dh tell him no, he says "you NEVER let me do/have anything!" or if a sibling annoys him "you ALWAYS do x!"

So I'm not entirely convinced of his account, here. I think it's more likely the morah did call him out on his behavior and maybe said something about making wrong choices, and what he heard or felt was "you always do the wrong thing." But still, whether it's what she really said or not, that's the message he got, and he was clearly feeling very down on himself because of it. It was heartbreaking. I told him that he's a good, kind boy, and it sounds like he made a few mistakes and that's ok, we all have off days and he'll have a better day the next day.

Should I talk to the teacher? I feel like if he has been having a hard time lately, she would have called. I know because she has, in the past, called to address something that wasn't just a one-off. But I felt so sad for him last night, because whatever she might have said to him yesterday, he took it really hard. I just wonder if this is worth checking in with the teacher about. Don't worry, not in a guns blazing way, just in a making sure he hasn't been struggling lately and it really was just a bad day. And also maybe I should let her know what he said, so she's aware that he sometimes takes things the wrong way? Thoughts?

amother

Black

Thu, Apr 11 2019, 9:13 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Well, if he's the type of child that adds "Always" and "Never" to his statements, then it's high likely that he himself inserted the word "everything" in this statement as well. The teacher could have just stated that he is doing something wrong, and the rest is his own addition from how he internalized the message. I would still reach out to the teacher and get an actual report of the events of the day, and then choose a good moment to sit down with your son and have a conversation about it all to discuss methods how he can handle such situations in the future.

amother

Olive

Thu, Apr 11 2019, 11:39 am

Morah speaking here (not his): I would not reach out immediately. I would wait it out a day or 2 and see how he's doing, how he is coming home. We all have our off days (students and morahs), and with Pesach in the air and kids with extra energy, it's likely it could have just been a frustrating day all around, or a frustrating incident that he could be elaborating on.

In my experience, we always want to jump in when our kids are hurting, but sometimes, it works out better to take a step back and see how things play out on their own without drawing extra attention to it immediately.