Not enough "discrepancy" to qualify

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Jetblack

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 1:26 am

Ds is struggling in school since pre1-a. (He is in grade 2 now). He struggles with basic math facts, handwriting, hand eye coordination & tracking, spelling etc.
He was evaluated by the district in school & denied services because there's not enough of a discrepancy between his cognitive capabilities & what he is achieving.
But this makes no sense - he is achieving far below grade level in all these areas.
He scored below average or very low in a number of areas & they even recommended ot for him.
I can't afford to pay for more help ontop of tuition. So what happens now?

amother

Gray

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 1:41 am

BOE takes the social factor very seriously. Does his struggling scholastically not affect him socially? Or, perhaps, his self esteem? Can you get a letter from the teacher, stating the importance of getting help?

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 1:49 am

The social evaluation came up fine. I talk to the school they're not interested in helping me out .

amother

Gray

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 2:03 am

Mom's word carries lots of weight at the BOE. Let alone the evaluation, have a talk with your son. How does it affect HIM? Try to sense if anyone made any comments to him about his poor scholastic skills. Try sensing how he feels about the struggling. You don't need to prove the social part on the evaluation. Just speak as a concerned mom, how his difficulties affect him socially.

At this point, you might need to find out how long you have to wait for another evaluation. In the meantime do your homework, and come well prepared to be your son's advocate.

amother

Gray

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 2:07 am

I'm not sure who you spoke to at the school. I'm wondering if you can write the letter yourself, and just have the teacher sign it. Then, when you have the appointment, let the teacher know that the BOE might call, and coach him how to speak to them.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 3:13 am

When am I talking to the boe & to whom?
The school (yeshiva) had a meeting with the district evaluators and I was told ds doesn't qualify, have a nice day. Just got the paperwork from them w the test scores and the letter that he doesn't qualify according to the district.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 6:06 am

Here is an out of the box answer for you. It helped me a LOT when we were in the process of getting a kid diagnosed with autism.

Pretend for a minute that the BOE and the teachers have absolutely no independent power to do anything to your son that is not ultimately in his best interests for him to fulfil his true tafkid in this world. Not a single thing. (nor, btw, can they do anything that is bad for YOU.). Ok so this means that right now, the best thing for your kid is that he doesn't qualify right now. It's also the best thing for you. Right now.

So what does this mean? It means you will stop worrying. If you really truly cannot afford to get him more help right now, then he doesn't need the help right now.

So next - you still try and get him reevaluated and so on, but without the panicky feeling about the outcomes.

Because in fact you.dont.have to.pretend. You just have to believe it, and it will be true.

This is what helped me get through the process, I hope it can help you too.

And thank you for giving me the opportunity to write it out because it's something I need to remind myself of again and again as more and more challenges come up in life.
Good luck.

amother

Silver

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 6:50 am

amother wrote:

I feel you I am having a similar issue with my daughter ,and its so unfair. she yonger and they want to see her fall totally behind more before they help. forgot the fact that she so fustrsted in class. I am looking into finding a nerologist now to give her a dignosis, so she can get the help right now. I am paying a specialist to help I don't have the $$ really but I am out of options.

gibberish

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 7:28 am

Get him evaluated privately with someone covered by your health insurance. BOE in my district is pretty useless and you'll get so much more by going private.

ra_mom

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 8:21 am

Hire an advocate to help you.
I always did it myself but it's super hard work and I never knew there was help out there.
Did he have his official meeting yet? If not (or even if he did), send in a letter to the committee on special education stating that you are hereby disputing the evaluation and then list very carefully all of his deficits that are affecting him in school with his peers and in the classroom.
Go step by step and don't leave ANYTHING out.
Google as you're typing the letter. Use thesaurus to find more words. Google about conditions, learning disabilities, and symptoms that you are trying to describe so you can expand and DETAIL all the issues.
Hatzlacha Rabba! You are an amazing mom! And his best advocate. Keep advocating!

Surrendered

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 8:28 am

OP, I was going through the same issue as you, going through the district and all kinds of evaluations... and am bh in the process of getting the help and funding needed. Please PM me so I can guide you what to do, where to turn to.
I don't feel comfortable posting it publicly.

seeker

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 10:55 am

First of all, if you are willing to share where you live you might be able to get more specific advice.

Secondly, don't feel like you need to just swallow whatever the DOE tells you. You have every right to be assertive and advocate for your child. (I tend to stick up for myself but if this is hard for you, you can look into getting an advocate.)

Third, to prevent this "discrepancy" thing they created a new path to diagnosis called RTI. It stands for Response to Intervention. Basically what it means is that instead of waiting for a kid to fail, you can try intervention and then say that if the intervention succeeds then that means they needed the help. OK very bad rushed explanation there. But if he is scraping by in school due to accommodations (e.g. modified tests), extra classroom assistance, tutors, or anything else, you can present that in your DOE request and meeting and say "YES my kid needs special ed help, yes his performance is not that far behind BUT that's only because he is already getting help and therefore HE NEEDS HELP."

The other line that tends to work is "functioning." You want to say there's not enough discrepancy whatever blah blah blah? Fact is he is not functioning in the classroom and therefore needs help. The class is appropriate for him because he's doing well socially and is not doing badly enough academically to need a special ed school, however he is scoring way below grade level on curriculum measures - bring whatever proof you have from the school.

As others said, if you have a diagnosis from somewhere else then you can present that to the DOE. That pretty much corners them. But if you weren't pursuing a diagnosis, you can still argue for the services.

Ra_mom post above gave very clear and accurate directions of how to start this with disputing the evaluation.

And amother gray, I wonder where you are that in your experience the DOE gives a hoot about social performance. In my experience the preschool department does, but as soon as you turn five that all goes right out the window unless the social impairments are serious enough to disrupt the class in a big way.

advocate

Thu, Apr 11 2019, 8:52 pm

What state are you in? I would call the Parent Information Center and the Protection and Advocacy agency in your state. They should be able to give you excellent advice.

groisamomma

Sun, Apr 14 2019, 2:02 am

OP, you didn't specify which state but if you're in NJ you have a set amount of days to dispute their decision and hire an advocate or lawyer. Google "due process" and "mediation."

From what you wrote, it sounds like he's past RTI. IME that's used earlier, when you first notice a slight delay. Sounds like your son is past that point.

Google "IDEA" laws in NJ and look into getting a 504 plan (medical diagnosis needed) for him (not sure it's applicable to private school kids, so Google it).

Whatever you do, do NOT take the word of your BOE as final. They will say anything and make it sound believable just to send you away. It works with most parents because they aren't educated in this area and don't realize there ARE options available.

seeker

Sun, Apr 14 2019, 3:10 am

groisamomma wrote:

Whatever you do, do NOT take the word of your BOE as final. They will say anything and make it sound believable just to send you away. It works with most parents because they aren't educated in this area and don't realize there ARE options available.

Oh yes. Horrible the kinds of garbage I have heard coming out of their mouths at times. Once you very diplomatically remind them that their job is to serve the child's best interests, they often backtrack. I've had some hard-liners but mostly they come around if they see that you mean business.

advocate

Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:29 am

Here's the RTI website http://www.rtinetwork.org/lear.....isrti
Actually, the lack of response to intervention in RTI is what gets services.

Chartreuse - I loved your approach. After Pesach, could you pm me? I'd love to ask you a question about davening.

Chag kasher v'sameach!

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