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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
Does your husband help with pesach cleaning?
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2019, 7:15 pm
Yes, he took 2 days off work to clean. I'm super disorganized so he knows I won't be done on time.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2019, 7:38 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
My husband is an engineer. If you ever dealt with them, you know the type. I have the most precise Pesach coverings in existence. This is his thing. They look like they are factory installed.

I have cleaning help and start in January. House gets sterilized. We have crews coming on on Sundays to clean second story windows and all the lighting. Things get repaired.

He is up every night late the last several weeks, and he gets up early.

I sit back and do a normal amount of work and let him go to town.


I have two immediate family members (one in my family, one in dh's) who are engineers. One male, one female. Neither is particularly meticulous in their personal lives. It sounds like your dh is a perfectionist, and certainly a lot of what you describe is not included in pesach cleaning. It's wonderful that he takes on the responsibility himself and recognizes that it isn't something he should burden you with.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2019, 11:34 pm
we both work. My husband doesn't help with cleaning, cooking, shopping or kashering. B'h my kids all help or I wouldn't be able to it.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 12:04 am
I dont u derstand these men who dont lift a finger with cleaning, cooking, shopping, preparing.
Ladies, please, raise your sons, to be an EQUAL partner in their future relationships.
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 1:07 am
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
my husband turns into a monster erev pesach - he reminds me of the michael jackson video thriller -when michale turns into a warewulf Twisted Evil
he turms the kitchen upside down and tapes up the kitchen as if it were a Crime Scene
he would not let me eat a bagel inside the hosue three days ago ---- Crying
after pesach ends, secounds later he has to put away all the pesach dishes etc away .
during the rest of the Sad year he is normal , Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Twisted Evil


I know this may be very hard for you. My husband tells me that there is an inyan to be a crazy, fanatic regarding Pesach. Not during the year, but on Pesach - yes.
I can relate to what goes on in your house. Our kitchen is sort of in the middle of the house. You have to walk through it to get to the bathroom. Over the years my husband has always had a problem with me kashering the kitchen a few days before Pesach, yet having kids eating chometz in another area because he is afraid someone will come in a chametz everything up. Well, it's been 26 years of marriage and finally, he is loosening up about it (at my insistence) because (funnily enough) of ANOTHER chumra LOL. You know, if you get a crumb of chometz in your food before Pesach it's batel beshishim (nullified) but if a crumb goes in during Pesach it makes the food chometz. So, now, he likes me to do as much cooking as possible BEFORE Pesach (mostly my chicken soup and apple compote). Therefore, he's happy for me to kasher sooner.

It's definitely hard. But when they're normal all year round, it's easier to go along with all the chumras regarding Pesach.
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Israeli_C




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 3:59 am
I basically did all the kashering myself and DH brought in a Russian woman to wash the floors in the end. Every year there are a bunch of new chumrot to abide by. I thought I'd finished with them (among others, covering countertops and backsplash with thick, finger cutting aluminium foil and afterwards with PVC) and today sat down to eat an apple and DH exploded because I hadn't peeled it (I already told him in advance that I wasn't going to peel my own apples, but anything being served to the family would be done according to how he wants to.

Ugh. Most holidays I just want to crawl into a hole and wait until it's over.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 6:43 am
I do the cooking, about half of the cleaning and all planning/organizing/list making. DH does the shopping, the heavy duty cleaning/schlepping and the lining, and will take the young kids whenever I need to get things done or even just if I need a break. And will pay for whatever cleaning help I need.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 6:47 am
Lives here so... unless he helps he would have to hire someone.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 6:53 am
Israeli_C wrote:
I basically did all the kashering myself and DH brought in a Russian woman to wash the floors in the end. Every year there are a bunch of new chumrot to abide by. I thought I'd finished with them (among others, covering countertops and backsplash with thick, finger cutting aluminium foil and afterwards with PVC) and today sat down to eat an apple and DH exploded because I hadn't peeled it (I already told him in advance that I wasn't going to peel my own apples, but anything being served to the family would be done according to how he wants to.

Ugh. Most holidays I just want to crawl into a hole and wait until it's over.


Crying That's so sad. ושמחת בחגך isn't just a song, it's the way our holidays should be.
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:56 am
He doesn't help, he participates, just like when he takes care of the children he doesn't babysit, he parents.
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Chana Miriam S




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 9:10 am
I work in the house, he works out of the house and commutes three hours a day. I hired a cleaning lady. She cleaned. We organized our stuff together, we both cooked and we both shopped. He also wrote ‘songs’ as we go every year and our children did too. I feel like I am the overall organizer, he is the manpower ( also the tall person) and we each have our own responsibilities as well. It is very much a team effort
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rdmom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 9:11 am
So here’s my tale.

I am very relaxed when it comes to pesach cleaning. I don’t do spring cleaning. My only goal is to rid the house of chometz. My husband is way more relaxed than me.

We do eat in the master bedroom. Sometimes. So that needs to be cleaned up. But hubby doesn’t want to hear of it. I can’t use the words, but it’s Pesachdik so please don’t eat there before a week before pesach. I think he has PTSD when it comes to pesach. And here’s why.

I am relaxed when it comes to pesach. But you should see my mother in law. Hubby remembers her starting to clean Chanukah time and all he heard at home was ..... careful, it’s pesachdik. She would make the kids get up after supper and vacuum them down. She was absolutely crazy (his words) when it came to pesach. So he went the opposite way. And doesn’t want to hear of pesach. Which makes it very hard. He used to help a lot, lately,not a thing.

So I found a solution. We go away for Yom Tov. To my parents. To friends. We don’t stay home so there is no pesach cleaning involved.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 2:09 pm
Often he does not. It depends when Pesach falls. He's a CPA and until April 15 he's not around much. As soon as the 15th passes he absolutely helps (on years when Pesach is late) and either way when he is off for YT he is helping me wash dishes, sweep floors and whatever else needs doing.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 2:28 pm
Mine doesn't help. But I'm very aware that it's not normal. We have a lot of issues in our marriage and this is one of them. He really never helps. The only things he does is to clean the cars, although this year he didn't do mine, and the shopping. But he only buys what he wants, when he wants, even though I give him a detailed shopping list, so it's hard for me to schedule my cooking and baking. During the year I run out and buy what I need, but before Pesach I'm so limited on time and the stores are so crowded that I can't just run out and buy what I need.

We both work full time, but he's self employed and before Pesach isn't a busy time of year for him, so he could take off if he wanted to, but he doesn't want to. It is a busy time of year where I work, so I don't have the option to take off at all, although I won't stay late like I doing the rest of the year during busy seasons.

B"H my kids are now teens and they all help to an extent. It makes a HUGE, HUGE difference. I don't overwork them, but I make sure to give them the jobs that they enjoy doing, so they don't complain too much.

Some times I think I must be Superwoman, I really can't understand how I make it all happen in the limited time that I have. Hashem gives me super powers at this time of year. He also has helped me get to a point where I don't have any expectations of my husband helping, so it doesn't hurt or aggravate me nearly as much as it used to.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:07 pm
Israeli_C wrote:
I basically did all the kashering myself and DH brought in a Russian woman to wash the floors in the end. Every year there are a bunch of new chumrot to abide by. I thought I'd finished with them (among others, covering countertops and backsplash with thick, finger cutting aluminium foil and afterwards with PVC) and today sat down to eat an apple and DH exploded because I hadn't peeled it (I already told him in advance that I wasn't going to peel my own apples, but anything being served to the family would be done according to how he wants to.

Ugh. Most holidays I just want to crawl into a hole and wait until it's over.


Can you please tell your DH that peeling apples is a a minhag/Chumrah and therefore is not allowed take away from your Mitzvah D’Oraisa -Biblical Command of Simchas Yom Tov (by causing any distress or negative feelings).
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amother
Plum


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:39 pm
Mine does a lot but he's a serious procrastinator so I have to wait till the last minute if I want his help. Often I do other rooms gradually on my own and then he helps with the serious heavy duty stuff the last day or so. It would be nice to do more ahead like others do but this works for us with minimal relationship strain (except we were completely exhausted for the first Seder this year!) I think if I did it all myself I might be less tired/stressed, but I'd definitely be more resentful.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 10:21 pm
Israeli_C wrote:
I basically did all the kashering myself and DH brought in a Russian woman to wash the floors in the end. Every year there are a bunch of new chumrot to abide by. I thought I'd finished with them (among others, covering countertops and backsplash with thick, finger cutting aluminium foil and afterwards with PVC) and today sat down to eat an apple and DH exploded because I hadn't peeled it (I already told him in advance that I wasn't going to peel my own apples, but anything being served to the family would be done according to how he wants to.

Ugh. Most holidays I just want to crawl into a hole and wait until it's over.


Israeli C, my heart breakes every time I read a post displaying your DH's abusive type/ misguided behavior. Please- I hope you get therapy for yourself so you learn how to stand up to him and what healthy vs unhealthy behavior is, so you can model that for your children. You sound like a really special woman.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:19 am
No not really. He will tell people what to do if he feels it is necessary like throwing my papers out.
For years I didnt work and he did so I felt it was not fair to ask him to help. now I work out of the house and he is home and he still thinks he does not have to help. I also dont have any cleaning help.
I asked him to kasher the sinks and he flat out said no it is not his responsibility.I asked him to go shopping and again he said no but he went shopping for his things he wanted.

I am getting to hate yom tov for this reason
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