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Lakewood pressure getting to me
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amother
Teal


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 2:25 pm
Just to add a point about mothers not looking as put together as their kids
I am guilty of this. And the simple reason is, money and time is tight, but my kids outgrow their clothing, so I need to buy them new clothing. I go into local stores and buy whatever fits and is not too expensive. For myself I don't usually end up going shopping, cause my clothing still fit. Every once in a while (like twice a year) I buy myself a new top..
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 2:31 pm
amother [ Teal ] wrote:
Just to add a point about mothers not looking as put together as their kids
I am guilty of this. And the simple reason is, money and time is tight, but my kids outgrow their clothing, so I need to buy them new clothing. I go into local stores and buy whatever fits and is not too expensive. For myself I don't usually end up going shopping, cause my clothing still fit. Every once in a while (like twice a year) I buy myself a new top..


This, exactly! I have to get my kids new clothes because their old ones don't fit. (If their clothes from last year happen to still fit and are not worn out, which is not usually the case, they wear those until they outgrow them.) But my clothes still fit, so I keep wearing them. The fashionistas out there will say my kids look more "put together" than I do because their clothing is this year's style and mine is often a few years behind.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 2:38 pm
amother [ Pearl ] wrote:
A talmid chacham who goes out with a stain on his clothing is chayav misa. So there is definitely a concept of looking respectable. I agree that it's sad when a woman obviously takes the time to dress her kids beautifully, but is always walking around town in faded, baggy black clothing from head to toe, including scuffed shoes. There should be a balance of wearing clothing that is in good condition and reasonably up to date, without making yourself crazy to look like you stepped out of a clothing ad.


Please don't quote from the Gemara without giving the whole story. There are opinions that this "stain" refers to shichvas zera or blood which could be from a nida. And there is a helluva difference between dirty, stained clothes and clean but worn, unfashionable clothing. And by the way, when you and yours are talmidei chachamim, you can talk. This is like women who justify their 5 carat diamonds and all the rest because they are daughters of a King. Get real. They should learn to behave like one which starts with getting your noses out of the air and not looking down at people from OOT like they are dirt.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 2:46 pm
When I look at a typical Lakewood woman with her brood of children all beautifully dressed (and btw we don’t match boys and girls here- only the chassidim.) I feel proud. Because she is teaching her children that Tznius is not about nerdy, or shlumpy.
She’s teaching them that they are precious, worthy of looking nice.
She’s showing them how beloved they are to her that she invests so much time in them so that they can feel part of the “in” crowd.

And I think there is nothing more beautiful then that.[/quote]

I feel sorry for you. Your priorities are completely messed up. You know what is more beautiful? when you see your daughter grown into a woman who davens with more kavana than you thought was possible for anyone, who is very, very careful about kibud av v'em and lashon hara and tznius and everything important, and who happens to not care a fig about fashion or what anyone else is wearing. The important thing to her is to wear something nicer on Shabbos and Y"T than what is worn the rest of the week. She is my role model.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 2:49 pm
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
Scratching Head they are not brand name- they cost 12 bucks.

Life isn’t hell either Bh.

Lakewood isn’t communist.

Believe it or not many people don’t subscribe to the pressure and they are just fine.

Take My mom for example. Lived in Lakewood since she got married. Raised us kids on boxes of clothing from our great aunt. Sewed us matching skirts. We were the happiest and most popular family on the block (err make that complex).
It wasn’t that mom didn’t care how we looked. We all looked adorable in the matching Macy dresses grandma bought us. It was just that as a kollel family there was not a dollar extra and she tried really hard to dress us all as in style as the 1990s would allow with our aunts boxes.

And the whole Lakewood looked just like us.

Then we grew up. Something changed. We saw our friends in Biz skirts and Lacoste tee shirts and green crocs in camp. In school we saw Kipling bags and ballet flats and banana clips and Ralph Lauren pullovers. These were the new cool kids that moved from Brooklyn. For the first time in our life We wanted that. Mom took us shopping. (In the mall only. Not the crazy expensive Jewish stores. Mom never stepped foot in there. Oh and Kipling bags were from the newly invented eBay.)

Lakewood had changed.

Today it is completely non recognizable. Gone are the days of receiving boxes from great aunts of sesame street tees and skirts from Walmart. Flashy accessories, matching shoes and socks and European clothing are the rage. The level of gashmius is rising out of control and we 20 something year olds are caught up in the chase. And it is so super hard to get off the train because we like to dress nice. And we like to see our kids looking beautiful.
For a fashionista like me, it’s really tough.
It’s ok to dress nice as long as you shop within your budget and you are doing it because you like it.
Not for your neighbor.
And that we’re we really have to be honest with ourselves. Who are we dressing for? For what we reason are we dressing this way?

Even my stalwart mom who can be seen rummaging for treasures at Serendipity will be seen in *gasp* Kidichic or Tottini (two reasonably priced Jewish stores) with my youngest sister. Not going crazy. Nope. She will never be the lady with her daughters shabbos shoes in the hosiery store, trying to find the same color sock as the shoe. But putting in enough effort so her child- a super self conscious 12 year old- can dress similar to her peers (daughters of the 30 year old moms...) and fit in. (You can all scream teach your child individuality but hey- try teaching your child that. Maybe by her it’s not clothes, but maybe it’s that expensive kindle or other toy or fancy vacation?)
Back to mom- she’s still sporting her serendipity tops and simple shoulder length wig but she always looks beautiful. Because no matter what we wore at each point in life- hand me downs from our great aunt, target finds or zara specials- she always instilled in us that as bas Yisroel we must look beautiful, refined and put together.

When I look at a typical Lakewood woman with her brood of children all beautifully dressed (and btw we don’t match boys and girls here- only the chassidim.) I feel proud. Because she is teaching her children that Tznius is not about nerdy, or shlumpy.
She’s teaching them that they are precious, worthy of looking nice.
She’s showing them how beloved they are to her that she invests so much time in them so that they can feel part of the “in” crowd.

And I think there is nothing more beautiful then that.


I feel sorry for you. Your priorities are completely messed up. You know what is more beautiful? when you see your daughter grown into a woman who davens with more kavana than you thought was possible for anyone, who is very, very careful about kibud av v'em and lashon hara and tznius and everything important, and who happens to not care a fig about fashion or what anyone else is wearing. The important thing to her is to wear something nicer on Shabbos and Y"T than what is worn the rest of the week. She is my role model.
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Israeli_C




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 3:08 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
I feel sorry for you. Your priorities are completely messed up. You know what is more beautiful? when you see your daughter grown into a woman who davens with more kavana than you thought was possible for anyone, who is very, very careful about kibud av v'em and lashon hara and tznius and everything important, and who happens to not care a fig about fashion or what anyone else is wearing. The important thing to her is to wear something nicer on Shabbos and Y"T than what is worn the rest of the week. She is my role model.


AMEN!

On a slightly strange and unrelated side note, I never heard of Lakewood's existence until I read this thread and wikipedia-ed it. I hope those who posted about their kids needing to brand name leggings and not leaving the house in a snood aren't true representatives of the place. Sounds depressing.
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mochamix18




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 3:58 pm
Israeli_C wrote:
AMEN!

On a slightly strange and unrelated side note, I never heard of Lakewood's existence until I read this thread and wikipedia-ed it. I hope those who posted about their kids needing to brand name leggings and not leaving the house in a snood aren't true representatives of the place. Sounds depressing.

Let’s just say Lakewood today is not what Rav Aaron Kotler ZT”L envisioned and built, nor is Bnei Brak what the Ponovizer Rav ZT”L envisioned and built. Both of these gedolim stood on wide open spaces away from big metropolis’s and gashmius to build their Yeshivos. This is not Chas v’shalom to slam anybody on this thread. I sometimes just think we’ve lost sight of what’s really important when shopping in certain stores and buying certain brands becomes “Halacha M’Sinai”.
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Coffee3




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 4:29 pm
I am so glad to be away from Brooklyn where I felt judged by my clothes. I don't have the time and the money for my children to look perfect. Pink shirt with sharks for DS? check. Socks with crabs for other DS? check Spaghetti straps over a shell and purple for DD? check. anything goes as long as it tzniut, pretty, and on sale.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 4:30 pm
Just see the title, don’t have time to read et

I live in town but spent lots of my life OOT while my husband hasn’t

We randomly stopped in an OOT grocery because we needed something for the kids on our chol hamoed excursion, I’m proud to say my husband was so blown away!! He was like they don’t have hundreds of choices of chocolate syrup because people here just don’t need it!!!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 9:34 pm
Just say no. No one can make you compete if you refuse to sign up for the rat race. Learn to value yourself for your own unique qualities and don’t fall into the trap of judging yourself according to other people’s priorities. Easier said than done, perhaps, in a place that values conformity above all else, in which case you should consider moving to a community that appreciates diversity and individuality. Or just work on your sense of self and learn not to care about matching everyone else. You have only one life to live—live yours, not “everyone” else’s.
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Israeli_C




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 23 2019, 12:37 am
mochamix18 wrote:
Let’s just say Lakewood today is not what Rav Aaron Kotler ZT”L envisioned and built, nor is Bnei Brak what the Ponovizer Rav ZT”L envisioned and built.

I can't vouch for Lakewood because I've never been there, but I'm in Bnei Brak on a daily basis and absolutely love it. It's the polar opposite of gashmius or any kind of nonsense posted in this thread. The thought of looking down on others because of how they dress is laughable in Bnei Brak. If anything, the problem in Bnei Brak is a total disregard for anything aesthetic
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 23 2019, 1:04 am
pesek zman wrote:
Nah I stocked up prior to their closing and several stores are still open with amazing clearance prices


Mind to share where?
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