Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
What to do by myself on Chol Hamoed?
Previous  1  2



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Copper


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 4:46 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
A friend of mine told me she once blurted out to a person, you are lucky, when the woman said she had no kids. And then didn't understand why I said she probably went home and cried. I think notshanrishona's explanation is really all that is needed. This has nothing to do with being triggered, this has to do with being aware of your audience and not just blurting things out and then refusing to hear any valid feedback on it.


OP hasn’t actually clarified that she found my post insensitive. I read her post to mean that she hadn’t been married long and has some free time. That is also a possibility.
Back to top

amother
Slateblue


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 4:52 pm
That is a valid point, but so is notshanarishona's. All I'm saying is, instead of being instantly defensive, maybe be open to the possibility that there is another POV that is very valid.
Back to top

MiriFr




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 4:54 pm
Go surprise your hubby at school! Bring lunch, ice coffees and cookies
Back to top

amother
Copper


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 4:56 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
That is a valid point, but so is notshanarishona's. All I'm saying is, instead of being instantly defensive, maybe be open to the possibility that there is another POV that is very valid.


I am open to another POV as I showed when I apologized to OP in case that was a valid POV. I didn’t get defensive. I also pointed out that I didn’t have my first child at a young age so people have a better understanding of my perspective.
Back to top

Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 6:26 pm
What do you enjoy? Hiking in a beautiful place? Shopping, museums, browsing round second hand bookshops?
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:14 pm
OP here. Today ended up being really hard for me. I saw a friend and we got lunch and went window shopping but even so I just felt sad inside. Tomorrow I’m committed to making more concrete plans to relax and feel happier. It happens to be a hard time in my life now with some health issues at the same time that I’m ttc, oh and it’s hitting me lately that I won’t have a mom to support me when I become a mom (she died when I was younger) it’s also the first time I haven’t been with family for pesach and the weather is absolutely horrendous.

Done venting, hoping tomorrow will be better.

And to the person who made the comment about me being lucky to not have kids, it’s okay I’m not upset with you but I do encourage you to be more careful next time around Smile I had so many ppl this year say to me ‘oh just wait till you have kids’ when I said I was nervous about making pesach for the first time. I was so upset by this because I’m actually going through a hard time and I would love to have kids, I’ve been on birth control for several years due to anxiety and health issues. I don’t see why there’s an assumption that things are automatically easier without kids.


Last edited by amother on Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:16 pm
OP here. Today ended up being really hard for me. I saw a friend and we got lunch and went window shopping but even so I just felt sad inside. Tomorrow I’m committed to making more concrete plans to relax and feel happier. It happens to be a hard time in my life now with some health issues at the same time that I’m ttc, oh and it’s hitting me lately that I won’t have a mom to support me when I become a mom (she died when I was younger) it’s also the first time I haven’t been with family for pesach and the weather is absolutely horrendous.

Done venting, hoping tomorrow will be better.

And to the person who made the comment about me being lucky to not have kids, it’s okay I’m not upset with you but I do encourage you to be more careful next time around Smile I had so many ppl this year say to me ‘oh just wait till you have kids’ when I said I was nervous about making pesach for the first time. I was so upset by this because I’m actually going through a hard time and I would love to have kids, I’ve been on birth control for several years due to anxiety and health issues. I don’t see why there’s an assumption that things are automatically easier without kids.
Back to top

amother
Vermilion


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:34 pm
hugs op. I suffer from anxiety and sometimes feel those of us who struggle with more "invisible" "health" either mental or physical don't get the same "accolades" as those who struggle because they have so much on the plate apparent to outsiders like a large family or being a working mom of kids close together or whatever or even external illnesses. It's not a competition, I'm not saying my life is harder or anything, it's just sometimes lonely . I often feel like I wish I could explain to the world how "life" is so much harder for some people then others even if it looks like their life is so simple and easy.

Different people also have different periods in their life. I remember a friend quoting someone who said that when she had just one baby she needed so much help and people made fun of her but now that she a larger family she actually is managing better. Her point was that you should get whatever help you need regardless of how others might judge.

My father died when I was little and it's now as a parent that it's hitting me so I can kind of relate to what you are saying about your mother. There's a lot going on with you. Be kind to yourself.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:45 pm
I have fibro and chronic fatigue, and on top of that I caught a cold at the seder. I had plans for chol hamoed, but now I'm curled up on the sofa, wishing for death. Everything hurts, and I can't breathe.

I'm actually glad that DD isn't here, because I don't want her to see me so sick.
Back to top

dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:50 pm
Op, just a thought, but if you don’t have plans for chol hamoed and it’s making you anxious why not work this week if you still can, and take vacation when dh or a friend can join you?
Back to top

bshap




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 8:59 pm
notshanarishona wrote:
You might not realize how insensitive you come across but we have no idea from op's post if she is a newlywed or going through if or other medical conditions to cause her not to have kids yet. To say you would trade places with someone in a heartbeat is showing a real lack of gratitude to Hashem for your kids and can feel like a slap in the face to someone who desperately wants kids.


Eta that I have been on both sides of the fence and I know what's it's like to have an empty quiet house and I know what it's like to just wish you could go out and do something for yourself without finding a babysitter but you have to choose the right people to vent too.

Thanks I appreciate someone saying this!
Some people bh have no clue but you explained it so well!
Back to top

notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 9:24 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
Op, just a thought, but if you don’t have plans for chol hamoed and it’s making you anxious why not work this week if you still can, and take vacation when dh or a friend can join you?


Halachically you are not supposed to work chol hamoed if you have a choice. The only reasons I have been told its ok to work on chol hamoed if it's davar haavud (I.e. you will get fired or lose significant money or can't afford to take off) or tzarchei moed (I.e. a grocery store or costumer service ).
Back to top

ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2019, 9:47 pm
Hug OP!
Refuah Shelaima FranticFrummie!
Back to top
Page 2 of 2 Previous  1  2 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Cheapest flight from nyc to anywhere for Chol Hamoed Pesach
by amother
12 Tue, Mar 05 2024, 3:11 pm View last post
Haircut for myself
by amother
3 Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:46 pm View last post
Need Dr for Myself- Lakewood
by amother
5 Thu, Feb 22 2024, 8:22 am View last post
Therapist for myself to help with emotional regulation
by amother
0 Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:39 am View last post
Help me feel better about myself
by amother
4 Mon, Jan 29 2024, 8:13 am View last post