How to be a good parent while dealing with marital issues?

amother

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 7:50 am

Faced with big challenges and questions in my marriage, and finding it hard to be a good parent. I'm getting impatient with my children and snapping at them...a lot of negative energy and dull mood in the house.

Has anyone figured out how to stay strong and centered even in the midst of pain and discord?

amother

Seashell

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 8:57 am

I am happily married but like all marriages there is some times I am upset. At those times I also have a hard time not being calm and patient with the kids .It helps me to do something for my self care those days, like even a small thing .take a walk, buy my self something ,take extra time reading a book or longer shower etc .this helps me.

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 10:54 am

Im sorry to hear
I know youre human but try separating your anger from kids. its not their fault.
you deserve happy kids.
Find other ways to be happy and confident with yourself and take self care which will make you calmer with the kids.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 11:25 am

Think about the fact that your children are also suffering even if they don't express it. Children feel everything. Think about how they depend on YOU to get through this. Even in a normal household children depend on their mother.

I'm currently going through divorce from an emotional abusive spouse. My children turned out very well bH (some of them are married already). They keep saying how I was their anchor and "life saver" throughout the years.

Know that the tremendous effort that you're putting into your children makes a huge difference in their current well being and eventually in the nachos they will give you later.

ra_mom

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 11:56 am

First of all, big hugs. Hug

That must be so hard!!
Sometimes when we don't have the emotional or physical energy, we just need to get through the day by any means. Take the kids to an indoor safe playground and let them run around while you sit, put them into PJs early stick them in front of a DVD, send them out for a play date, set them up with crafts, whatever it takes for everyone to get through the day intact. It's not a time for teaching or disciplining. Just getting through. Hug

amother

Olive

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 2:52 pm

OP, I could have posted this last year. We were on the verge of divorce and I was crying half the day, snapping over everything. My kids are young, but old enough to notice things are wrong. I chose to be honest with them. I told them we were having problems getting along but we both loved them so much and were trying hard to work it out. I told them I was sorry that I didn't have the energy for everything like I usually did, and that I knew I was being impatient and for them to know it isn't personal, I love them, and they should tell me when I'm doing it and it will help me stop. B"H we all came through it in tact. It took a few months even after DH and I were ok for the kids to be ok, but thankfully kids really are resilient and the biggest thing is to constantly remind them that they are loved and safe.

Surrendered

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 3:08 pm

Lots and lots of self care.
Spend as much quality time with the kids when you are up to it.
Try to make meaningful conversation with them and build your relationship with them whenever possible.
And have conversations with your kids about your feeling weak emotionally. Tell them to understand when you scream at them, it's not their fault and shouldn't take it personally.it won't make it right to snap at them, but hopefully they'll be more understanding of your behavior towards them.

sarahmalka

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 3:10 pm

OP thanks for posting this and the replies that resulted. I was JUST feeling this way like 10 minutes ago, thinking about strategies for how to handle the rest of the day when I get home from work and kids from school. Similar situation. This was helpful to read.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Apr 29 2019, 3:26 pm

I've had some big challenges in my marriage over the past couple of years (husband suffers from anxiety and depression.) I've needed support for myself in order to keep my sanity and be a good parent. I'm really grateful that I have a great therapist who helps me stay focused.