New house | Imamother

amother

Mon, May 06 2019, 8:47 am

We recently build a new home in an area where most people live in older homes. My question is two fold

1. People are constantly asking for a tour and they want to go upstairs and through the master bedroom and bathroom too. I do not like this but I am friendly with these people and don't want to insult them. How can I get out of this without being offensive?

2. I know some people are jealous and I don't like rubbing my house in their face but they ask to see. How can I deal with this?

amother

Jetblack

Mon, May 06 2019, 8:50 am

We have a similar thing too, when people want to see around our dira [and its kinda embarrasing that we use a double blanket] I make sure to keep that door closed from the start and just say "thats our bedroom" and move straight on.

Iymnok

Mon, May 06 2019, 8:51 am

Give them a tour of the public areas. Show them the creative innovations you have. Show them the laundry room and other boring stuff. As the least thing show them the oath you use for taking out the trash and thank them for their interest and for visiting.

PinkFridge

Mon, May 06 2019, 9:00 am

Iymnok wrote:

What does this mean?

amother

Pink

Mon, May 06 2019, 9:01 am

I personally have let people in to my master bedroom and bathroom but I still think its totally fair to say if pressed "I don't feel comfortable having people come in to my bedroom and bathroom. I'd be happy to show you the common rooms ( and the kids rooms if you don't mind)."

We sold our house to friends and came back to visit the community. We asked if we could see the house. They said sure and showed us the public rooms. Don't think their bedroom even came up.

To me that's totally normal. I'm FFB American, don't know about other cultures but in mine to not show your master bedroom and bathroom is totally acceptable. You aren't being insulting. I think most people wouldn't even press if you just showed the rest of the house.

batya315

Mon, May 06 2019, 9:20 am

When visiting my in-laws while engaged, my mom-in-law gave me a tour of the house.
I was shocked when she opened the door of the master bedroom. I hung back, but she insisted I come in and see. Growing up, the master bedroom was not a place anyone would enter. (As kids, we kids did go in, usually to look for the books and mags that had gone missing Smile

)
Personally, I'd never want to intrude and see someone's master BR, let along ask to tour the house without being invited...

Last edited by batya315 on Thu, May 09 2019, 12:52 am; edited 1 time in total

groovy1224

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:28 pm

Just say 'sorry, we usually don't let people in to our master bedroom. The laundry room is just through here...'

This is assuming you want to give a tour at all. If you don't, by all means feel free to say no.

amother

Lilac

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:28 pm

We renovated our house and were asked for tours. Hardly anyone expects to be taken in our bedroom. I'm shocked that so many frum people would ask! To me this is a very private space. The one time someone pushed me to see our master bedroom and bath I told them, sorry this is the holy of holies. Only the high priest and priestess go in here.

urban gypsy

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:37 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

We have a similar thing too, when people want to see around our dira [and its kinda embarrasing that we use a double blanket]

What is a double blanket?

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:42 pm

I hate it. It is pushy, rude, and intrusive. I hate people opening up cabinets and looking in. Don't ask me how many bathrooms and bedrooms and how big the house is. I hate these questions. I hate when relative strangers say they want ideas. Go online or go pay a decorator. Don't put me on the spot because you are nosey.

If you are my friend and visiting me, I will gladly answer your questions, but I am not running house tours for near strangers and their tag alongs.

forgetit

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:46 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

I think its rude to ask for tour, but I don't mind people calling to ask if they can see kitchen or deck or some public area bec. she's thinking about using my kitchen designer and wants to see what she did, or if she's looking for ideas in general about a specific room etc.
Totally understand anyone who minds: Just say no. Politely, please.

amother

Papaya

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:49 pm

I am offended for you. It is gauche to ask for a tour of someone's home. Do they think your home is a museum, do they want to pay admission? Do they want to look at your bank statements as well?
I built a house before I moved to a community and people wanted tours. I graciously declined,- it's a mess, not furnished yet, kid is sleeping, have things to do....It separate out the people who I am happy to be friends with with those I am happy to pass on.
That being said, my friends have seen every corner of my house, but as appropriate, not as a tour. They have come up to bathrooms to get ideas for tiles (or even use the upstairs one when they need a pad), upstairs laundry room to check out layout, and my bedroom to go into my closet to look at/try on and borrow a dress. They have guests for simchas sleep in my basement guest room...
but I do not give tours.
Maybe I would have felt different if they were my dear friends before they asked and lived though construction with me

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, May 06 2019, 12:54 pm

forgetit wrote:

While I was remodeling, Shabbos worshipers would walk in the house's new areas while we were home! They said they were bored on Shabbos and looking for something to do. I can't tell you how many people I had to chase out. What is wrong with people that they don't have boundaries and respect? Pushy people disgust me.

SisterSix

Mon, May 06 2019, 1:04 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

What does this mean?

I assume she means the Path. As in, a lot of people have a side door or other way they take out garbage other than the main entrance. Show them out of that and say “Well, would you look at that, I guess our tour is over”