Help Me Put A Name To My DDs Personality + Advice

amother

Mon, May 06 2019, 8:02 pm

I have 2 daughters bh. My older one is 4.5 and her younger sis is just over 2. I was able to see myself in my younger one from the moment she came out of the womb. My older one is very different then I ever was as a child. Perhaps very similar to DH however my mil and I are so different I dont even know that I can take parenting advice from her. Shes not big on routine and scheduling she's a live and let live type. DH refers to certain parts of growing up as kind of torturous. Hes intense and had to set his own limitations a lot of the time because my inlaws weren't the type to do that for him.
A bit about DD - 1. She needs a LOT of attention. If anyone around her gets positive or negative attention she immediately copies them. Her teachers told me this happens in school too. A kid falls and is crying and the morah is consoling her, DD pretends to fall and cry.
2. Shes extremely nervous about lots of different things. She asks me every night at bedtime if im staying home or going out. Irony is I work from home in the eve and havent left the house at night in ages. Plus DH is a student and studies at night in the room next door to her. Shes starting school next year and shes so worried about it, everytime it comes up she practically starts crying. I had to drag her to get uniforms..
She has a sensitive sweet side to her, she loves babies and if shes in the helpful mood she can be a pleasure to be around. If she sees my head is down shell ask if I have a headache or if im yawning shell ask if im tired.
Then she has a very difficult side to her, she has a TON of peer pressure. Its exhausting to deal with getting her dressed sometimes in the morning. Shes very aware of what girls do and don't have and she has very little sense of individuality and she just wants to copy everyone around her. She also is extremely eager to please and has a hard time saying no - she had a friend over who asked her if she can play doctor and shell pull down her pants. I heard and said we don't do that. She looked embarrassed but 10 mins later I found her with this friend upstairs with her pants down.

Hope this is all clear. Im a free spirit and I have my own mind. This is very new for me. Im looking for reccomendations of lectures or books on how to nurture the good and how to deal with the less pleasant parts of her. Any advice would be helpful..
(Also is there a specific name for this personality? So I know what to look out for?)
If I don't deal with her correctly well probably both end up in therapy ...

amother

Tangerine

Mon, May 06 2019, 8:09 pm

She sounds like a classic anxious child. Socially anxious, generally anxious. Anxiety in children is often expressed the way you describe. I would strongly recommend that you read "Freeing Your Child From Anxiety," and make a conscious effort to implement the techniques discussed in the book. Dealing with an anxious child is not something most people intuitively do correctly. If you feel you need more guidance, you can speak to a child psychologist and get some general pointers as well as tips to manage specific challenges. I found this very helpful when dealing with my own anxious children. Some children really need play therapy as well but you can try coaching her yourself before going that route.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, May 06 2019, 9:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you so much for your detailed reply. Im going to look into the book you mentioned. Someone IRL mentioned play therapy for her once when they say an interaction between the 2 of us. What exactly is play therapy and how would it help her?

Play therapy is basically having the child and the therapist play together in a way that allows the child to express relevant emotions through the characters in the play. And the therapist can gently guide the child toward new ways of thinking, also via the characters in the play. Since play is the primary mode of learning for young children, it's an effective way of helping them learn and move into higher developmental stages.