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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
S/o of s/o. We backpaid DH tuition
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 8:38 am
ectomorph wrote:
Um.... You're anonymous and I'm not. And they definitely don't charge married people or Israelis anything.

It could be that you were told that the suggested donation is like tuition.

This is well known. I'm not giving out state secrets here.


No yeshivah charges married men.

OP's DH was not married. And OP clearly said that she had to pay Mir to get his transcripts.

Ok, both me and OP are anonymous. Does that make OP's story untrue?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 8:40 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
Um... My son was just there. So no, you are incorrect.


Hi ectomorph. We paid the mir. Im positive of that. Maybe just because we wanted the credits? I don't know the details but they have tuition and there was an unpaid balance.
DH was there as a bachur and were American
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:06 am
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
No idea why anyone would think I'm going to such lengths to tell a lie. You seem very adamant about not willing to accept that it's done. That's fine. For anyone else interested, I encourage you to ask around and see for yourselves what your local options are if you're struggling to pay tuition for adult bochurim. Best of luck to everyone in making the right chinuch choices.


I believe you. I was talking to a guy literally just yesterday, who told me he knows my husband from a certain yeshiva. Then he went on to say that he never actually learned in that yeshiva officially, but he had a Chavrusa at the time who liked to learn there because it was close to his house. So I know at least one guy who did this.
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:08 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Hi ectomorph. We paid the mir. Im positive of that. Maybe just because we wanted the credits? I don't know the details but they have tuition and there was an unpaid balance.
DH was there as a bachur and were American

Maybe. I'm asking around my contacts. It could be this is new.

Either way, you can definitely walk into the Mir and start learning. It's not crazy. At Beis Midrash level.
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Sebastian




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:10 am
ectomorph, my brother learned in the Mir before he got married. There was definitely tuition.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:11 am
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
I have no idea if it's super common in Israel, it's definitely not done, forget about common, in America.

And I have no idea what gave you the idea that my children will ever have to pay for anything. As someone mentioned upthread, the boy can get a GED. Can go to college on his own (and likely pay four times the amount that he would have to pay the yeshivah, but why confuse you with facts?) And get a college degree on his own. Noones forcing him to get the yeshivah credits.

And I'm sorry, but in no other culture is it normal for parents to pay for their children's college degree unless they are wealthy. Or private school for multiple children, for that matter.


Private school is not the norm, but you bet that in typical middle class culture it is expected to pay for your child’s college. That is considered the biggest expense. And people spend their whole lives saving for it.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:24 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
I believe you. I was talking to a guy literally just yesterday, who told me he knows my husband from a certain yeshiva. Then he went on to say that he never actually learned in that yeshiva officially, but he had a Chavrusa at the time who liked to learn there because it was close to his house. So I know at least one guy who did this.


And this guy was 18,19 at the time? You know he wasn't.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:26 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Private school is not the norm, but you bet that in typical middle class culture it is expected to pay for your child’s college. That is considered the biggest expense. And people spend their whole lives saving for it.


Really? Then why do people graduate with so much college debt? To the point that it's in the news.

I don't know how you define middle class, but walk into any community college and you will find many, many who are working their way through college.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:28 am
ectomorph wrote:
Um.... You're anonymous and I'm not. And they definitely don't charge married people or Israelis anything.

It could be that you were told that the suggested donation is like tuition.

This is well known. I'm not giving out state secrets here.


Either this changed, or it’s only chutznikim that pay but I don’t think so. Also, my husbands bill went a few years back so it’s definitely not a new thing. American single boys definitely pay (or atleast get billed)
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 9:28 am
ectomorph wrote:
Maybe. I'm asking around my contacts. It could be this is new.

Either way, you can definitely walk into the Mir and start learning. It's not crazy. At Beis Midrash level.


Actually, no you can't. They used to allow this (when R Nisson Tzvi was alive) but the past few years they have cracked down on this.

There's a whole process in order to get into any yeshivah - farhers, tuition contracts, etc. You can't just walk in.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 4:06 pm
I can't believe paying back...
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 4:18 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
Really? Then why do people graduate with so much college debt? To the point that it's in the news.

I don't know how you define middle class, but walk into any community college and you will find many, many who are working their way through college.


Because college has gotten so expensive, even at state schools, that most parents are not able to pay for it all. But yes, it has always been an expectation among Middle class Americans that parents contribute something towards a college education. In fact, when colleges determine aid packages, they account for "expected family contribution". When you apply for federal loans, they ask for the parents' financial information, otherwise, you have to provide documentation that they are no longer claiming you as a dependent.

Community colleges are a different story. Typical middle class Americans are not attending community colleges. They're mostly populated by working class, children of immigrants, and adults with only a high school education going back school. Community colleges are a lot cheaper than traditional four year colleges, and more kids are being encouraged to go to community college first and then transfer to four year school as a way of saving money, though this hasn't caught on yet.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 4:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I want to clarify a few things : my inlaws arent bad people. They arent manipulative. They dont lie, steal or cheat.
I dont even know if DH told them about the tuition. They wouldnt have been able to pay it so he might have thought what would be the point. DH is the only one in his family who went thru this. My SILs above him didnt have this issue. They for sure didnt know at the time the type of headache they would cause for us down the road. Also my DH obv had a lot more years in yeshiva post hs. My SILs went straight to sem (paid in full by grandparent's - or they wont let u in) and then straight to college.
If my inlaws knew the grief they caused us they would feel absolutely miserable over it.
In general their lax attitude toward finaces is the way they are in their lives. They are so easy and nice to be around . My DH had an adjustment getting used to my parents more rigid ways...


If he didn't tell them, how do you know that this was accurate. Schools make mistakes all the time. It seems pretty strange that they paid for other kids, not him. It also seems strange that each school was able to get a transcript from the one before (eg, his post-hs yeshiva almost certainly requested his hs transcript), but you couldn't get one now.
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 06 2019, 4:20 pm
mommy3b2c wrote:
Private school is not the norm, but you bet that in typical middle class culture it is expected to pay for your child’s college. That is considered the biggest expense. And people spend their whole lives saving for it.


Yes.

Maybe not 100%, but definitely a good contribution towards it.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Wed, May 08 2019, 3:26 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
I just want to point out one more thing:

In the VERY unlikely event that a yeshivah will allow a boy to come and learn on his own, this is the unethical part: it's geneivas daas. When people ask you where you are learning and you decided to park yourself in Torah Temimah's bais medrash, for example, you cannot say you are learning in Torah Temimah as that implies that you were actually accepted when you were not.

It's exactly like going to Harvard, crashing all the classes, and when people ask you where you are going to college, you say - Harvard.



LOL-- when I was at Boston University, there was a guy (he was a little off) who would come and eat at the kosher dining hall. He was auditing a bunch of classes at Harvard, and that was it--- he told people he was going to Harvard. Now technically, he was going to Harvard, but not in any way shape or form, was he actually getting his degree from there!
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Wed, May 08 2019, 4:44 pm
what is this a spin off of?
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 08 2019, 5:09 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
Actually, no you can't. They used to allow this (when R Nisson Tzvi was alive) but the past few years they have cracked down on this.

There's a whole process in order to get into any yeshivah - farhers, tuition contracts, etc. You can't just walk in.

That makes sense
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