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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Mon, May 13 2019, 9:57 am
My fil just called dh and me to tell us that "he forgot" to tell us that dh's cousin's daughter passed away last week. (he thinks, he doesn't remember when he got the call)
We are furious!! How could he forget??? He claims he got caught up in his "business" and forgot. He has ONE brother!!! And this brother just lost a grandchild!!
He said he was going to call his brother and tell him that it was all his fault for not telling us, but we feel terrible!
Plus, we were all together for dinner last night and I told him that a good friend of ours just lost her father. You would think that that would have triggered something
That's it, just wanted to vent, thanks for listening.
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amother
Mauve
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Mon, May 13 2019, 9:59 am
I would not take out my understandable upset on FIL. How old is he?
who knows why he didn't remember to tell you -- could be so many reasons
I would just call the relatives and send my heartfelt condolences without assigning blame to anyone
hatzlocha
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amother
Rose
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Mon, May 13 2019, 10:01 am
I'm so sorry. It's never too late to write a nice note. And to make sure that someone else in the family is responsible for relaying news from now on - hopefully you will have lots of good things to share.
(And maybe cut your father in-law some slack. It's extremely painful to pass on difficult news. Some people just can't do it.)
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amother
OP
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Mon, May 13 2019, 10:04 am
Thanks for responding. FIL just called dh with more info after talking to his brother, they came up from shiva a week ago. This is so beyond embarrassing.
(FIL is in his low 70's still working)
dh is calling his cousin now...
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amother
Floralwhite
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Mon, May 13 2019, 10:24 am
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My father is like this. I learned long ago that he cannot be relied on to pass on important family news. Years ago, I told the cousin that I'm closest to that just because my dad has been informed of something, doesnt mean he's going to remember to tell my mom or me or my siblings, and I'd really appreciate it if she told me things directly, even if she knows our parents have all been informed. So that's how it works now. My cousin tells me, I tell my mom and siblings (and yes, 90% of the time, it turns out my dad already knows) and we don't have these embarrassing situations anymore. I know it's a little more tricky because this is your husband's side and not yours, but your husband should reach out to his uncle or to a cousin he feels close with and ask that they inform of things directly.
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