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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Touchy Babysitting Situation



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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 04 2007, 1:47 pm
I'm very torn... I work long hours. I had a nearly impossible time finding a babysitter that will take my kid the hours that I need. I ended up finding someone (who both my kid and I love) who could do all the hours I need except Friday afternoon- I get home pretty close to Shabbos. To her credit, my MIL offered to babysit every Friday afternoon (with the help of her single daughter/my SIL).

Problem is, the baby is miserable there. Whenever I get there to pick-up my baby is either crying or just finished crying and reaches out for me right away. I went to visit my MIL with the baby a different day and as soon as we get there, the baby is apprehensive. If I walk out of the room for a minute, there is a huge crying fit. My baby can't stand being there. They are not warm loving people and my baby knows it.

So here's the thing- I could search for a new Friday sitter and risk hurting my MIL's feelings. I could look for a new sitter altogether and risk having someone that is not as good. Or I could just leave it as it is and have a miserable baby every Friday. HELP! What should I do???
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zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 04 2007, 2:15 pm
is your baby the age of 8-9 months when they are afraid there mother is going to leave them? if so your baby could think oh mommy is dropping me off, also how does your baby act when your mil comes to your house? babies could cry at the same time every day just woke up ate has gas etc... good luck.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 04 2007, 2:32 pm
This is a bubby we are talking about. I think you should leave your baby. The baby will eventually begin to love her and is healthy like that
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 04 2007, 3:12 pm
OP- First of all, yes the baby is at the fear of strangers age but is does not cry at all at the regular sitter. It's the Bubby- sees her all the time, shouldn't be scared unless there's a reason. And you don't know my MIL, she's mean and not loving and calls my baby names and gets frustrated whenever there's a slight sound of a cry. Do you still think my baby just has to "deal with it"?
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 04 2007, 3:26 pm
I would find another babysitter and tell your MIL it is more convenient, or whatever. If your baby is unhappy there then it must be harder for your MIL to take care of her anyway, and she may be secretly appreciative to not have to do it anymore. And I don't think your baby should have to be in a situation that is not good for her just because its her grandmother.
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zigi




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 04 2007, 3:28 pm
of course your baby doesn't have to deal with a bad situation, I was just writing reasons why she could be crying and not a bad childcare situation, if it is only friday afternoons I don't think you mother would be that upset if you found something else. maybe try to find another friday sitter, good luck I hope everything works out go with your gut feelings
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 04 2007, 4:14 pm
amother wrote:
This is a bubby we are talking about. I think you should leave your baby. The baby will eventually begin to love her and is healthy like that


not all bubbies are warm and caring caretakers. A mean or cold person remains so, even when they become a mother or grandmother.
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triLcat




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 09 2007, 1:56 am
Some babies are really afraid of my mom. I have no idea why, but two of my nieces were terrified of my mom. Like they'd scream if they saw her.

One of the nieces was never alone with her - b/c my brother had 4 kids under 3.5, my parents would come to help out while one or both parents were there.

My mother is gentle and caring and all that. My niece was just scared of her. I wouldn't judge your m-i-l on how the baby acts. OTOH, if your baby is scared of her, then it may not be fair to the baby to leave him/her with her frequently.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 09 2007, 5:50 am
im wondering...do you have a bad relationship with your MIL? cuz babies tend to vibe off of their moms. If you feel uncomfortable around her, and unhappy leaving your baby there, your baby will sense this. This has happened to me. If you like your babysitter, your baby is more likely to like her too. And if you dont...well he may follow suit.
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Tamiri




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 09 2007, 5:56 am
OP, think: if you were a baby, what would you want your mommy to do for you?
A baby is a helpless, innocent being. No one loves a baby as much as mom does. It's up to you to make sure she is in a warm, loving environment which she likes, regardless of anyone elses feelings. Baby must be protected first.
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newmom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 09 2007, 6:22 am
You could try to find someone else for Friday afternoon and tell your MIL you felt too guilty having her watch your kid so close to shabbos, especially now that it comes in so early. Make it like you are doing her a favor by not "imposing" on her.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 09 2007, 6:28 am
go with your gut instincts ... I had a situation where (long time ago) my baby needed a sitter at their house ... she was not her happy self - she did not eat when she was there, etc. - the next time I was in a similar situation (I had surgery twice) I opted to just leave her home with me and took care of her in a unique way - her father took her out of the crib in the am and changed her diaper and I just let her crawl around the house all day till he got home - changed her on the floor - put her to nap with her blanky on the floor - fed her on the floor ... this worked way better for both of us because my baby was more content even if I could not pick her up

find someone she is happy with - need not feel bad for mil as it is your baby and your decision - beginning and end
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Blossom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 09 2007, 6:51 am
I agree with Tamiri.
The question here is Do I hurt my MIL's feelings or do I hurt my baby's feelings? As a mother I'm sure you know which one comes first. And anyway,your MIL you can give a reason to make her understand that you can't leave the baby there anymore and thus not hurt her feelings but for your baby you can't .
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 09 2007, 7:20 am
Quote:
So here's the thing- I could search for a new Friday sitter and risk hurting my MIL's feelings


Your child comes first!!! Exclamation
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 11 2007, 2:23 pm
Make it a good excuse. Don't tell mil the truth.
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