School retreat | Imamother

unexpected

Sat, May 18 2019, 7:21 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

I was in gourmet glatt in Lakewood last night - there were dozens of high school girls “shopping” for their school Shabbos. I stopped a group and asked what’s going on - she said almost every high school in Lakewood has their Shabbos this week and listed at least 5 schools to me. Just the food in most of their carts must have cost $100... I can’t imagine the girls pay for this on their own!
Truthfully, I always went and had fun. Did I come home a different person? No. But I definitely learned plenty. There is great value to these shabbosim. But I do think some of the extras can be cut back.

At Junees, the saleslady said the same thing...all the schools are having shabbaton and the store has been buzzing with high school girls. Aside from the extra expense of new clothes, don't we refrain from buying special clothes during sefira?

amother

Sun, May 19 2019, 6:03 am

To be clear, my summer vacation costs less than $2000, we take a cottage in a low cost area for two weeks, and make the most wonderful family memories.

For the first month, any of my kids over 12 work, and the younger ones go to backyard camps, costing me anywhere from $250 to 350 each for the month. No one is resentful, most of their friends are doing the same thing.

I don't take Tzedakah. I shop low cost, not in gemachs, and we've never had to take from others. (we can't pay full tuition for each child, but we extend ourselves as much as we can).

I don't like the message this sends to our girls. Knowing the parent body very well, I'd say that at least 60-70% are in the same income bracket as us or lower. So they're all either really extending themselves, or more likely, not paying it all. Why would a school knowingly put so many parents in such a position? It may be a nice luxury, but it is still no doubt a luxury.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, May 19 2019, 6:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would imagine it is because the school thinks there is huge educational and emotional and spiritual value for the students. That is why the school is willing to pick up part of the cost for those who can't afford it.

I don't think it is so different from your family vacation. You don't consider that a luxury because you are paying what is considered very little for a two week vacation for an entire family. But bottom line you are still spending close to $2,000. It's worth it to you because you create beautiful family memories. But truth is some would still consider that a luxury. Perhaps you don't view it as a luxury but do view the school Shabbos as a luxury because you don't grasp the full impact of that Shabbos and/or because you don't realize that $200 is actually a very good price for such an event. If the school is making an extravagant Shabbos in a fancy hotel with a high end caterer etc I can understand the concern about it being a luxury and poor chinuch. Otherwise, I don't see how it's so different from you summer vacation.....both are something important that costs money but is worth it and is being done in the simplest and least expensive way possible.

Chayalle

Sun, May 19 2019, 8:50 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

I don't know what school these girls are from....my DD bought a couple of things from the $store, and baked something homemade to take along as well. She wasn't too fussed, took some clothes from her closet and packed, no visits to stores, no pressure...was more concerned about the weather, and whether it would be freezing (it was) and if she has enough sweatshirts and warm socks.

She came back on a high, totally enjoyed, said the speakers were awesome, and it was so nice spending time with her class....she's now sleeping it off....

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, May 19 2019, 9:26 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Totally agree. I send my kids to camp because my husband and I both work full time and we don't have a choice. When they are teens they have to work in the summers. We would never spend $2000 on a vacation. We go for one or two nights, use points for the hotel stay, go to free or really cheap attractions, we spend a few hundred dollars on the whole thing including food and gas.

But I think this is so important for our teens that I gladly spend money I don't have so that they can go. When one of my dds didn't want to go one year I tried my hardest to convince her that she should go. I have such amazing memories of school Shabbos when I was a teen, that I don't want them to miss the experience.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, May 19 2019, 9:30 am

Simple1 wrote:

I think the school shabbos is great and should not be stopped.

But I always feel it's so incongruous how many mothers probably could use a retreat themselves, but we don't go on one of those shabbos get-aways it because it's just too expensive.

True, but there are so many things we sacrifice for our kids, because that's how it goes when you're a parent. When money is tight they get new clothing and I don't, because it's more important to them than to me. I could really use a vacation, but this is so important for them. And let's face it, there's no Shabbos program for adults for only $200, so it's not even a possibility for me. If someone would offer me a $200 Shabbos but I had to stay in a camp bunkhouse I would never go!

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, May 19 2019, 9:42 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

I have 4 teenage girls that went to 3 different high school in Brooklyn
I remember it being such a stressful week coming up with the cash and then the shopping!
For 3 outfits, tights, shoes, pajamas, even our linen was nebby! And the food bill!
The kids are stressed out and so are the parents! What pressure! Why do we need this?!

I have 3 girls, two in high school now and one who already graduated. I don't understand why they need new outfits, tights and shoes. Why can't they wear what they already own? I remember once year I bought my dd a new outfit before school shabbos, but only because I hadn't had a chance to buy her summery clothing yet, so she needed it regardless. And food, my dds hardly take any food. A little food and drink for the trip up to camp and back, but that's it.

amother

Sun, May 19 2019, 7:00 pm

There's a real pressure to dress just right, and have plenty of good food to share, but honestly that doesn't bother me. Peer pressure is a healthy part of growing up.

I feel like if most of the school could easily afford it, then yeah, the rest of us would have to extend ourselves or ask for a discount. But in this case the school knows that it's hard for most parents and they still push all the girls to go.

Seashell

Sun, May 19 2019, 7:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think this is something you need to discuss directly with the school.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, May 19 2019, 8:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe they are expecting most parents to ask for a discount? Especially those with more than one child in the school. IME when a school pushes everyone to go on something that is costly the school is also willing to make it work financially for those who can't afford it or find it difficult. And the reason the school does this is that the administration and teachers feel this is a very important and beneficial event for the students.

sky

Sun, May 19 2019, 8:56 pm

baltomom wrote:

Just putting this out there: In Bais Yaakov of Baltimore HS, the school Shabbos takes place in the school building, the girls cook most of the food in the school kitchen, etc. and it costs $35-40 per student. The girls have a great time and it's much more economical.

Baltimore Shabbos is great because it’s on a gorgeous campus far from home. In Lakewood schools are walking distance on the city. It’s not the same.

(And I hope I’m not insulting anyone) Baltimore girls seem to need less and have lower expectations. They are happy to sleep on the floor for Shabbos and cook their own food. I don’t see it flying in other communities where the bar and materialism is a bit higher.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, May 19 2019, 9:00 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

At least the Lakewood school I spoke to is strict about clothing. Only uniform for weekday clothing and one Shabbos outfit. It sounds silly when I heard it. But compare it to this it sounds so smart.