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-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Sun, May 19 2019, 10:25 am
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When my child does something good, I try to show them my appreciation with a thank you or kiss or whatever is appropriate. I don't want to stop doing this for them of course because besides that I feel I should, I also want them to learn to do that for others. But I don't want them to feel that the only way to do whatever it is they did is if someone showed their appreciation and commented on it. Am I nuts? Does that make sense or am I reading too many things on parenthood? If yes, they could start to feel that way, how do I avoid that? How do I find that balance? TIA
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33055
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Sun, May 19 2019, 10:37 am
Don't reward them every time for a specific action. Tell them general things every so often like you have beautiful midos. Reward them periodically for a specific deed.
Studies have found that if you do a variable reward ratio, then the desirable action is repeated the most.
For instance, candy machines that dispense candy everytime money is put in make less money than those that don't. This is why gambling is so addictive.
The less you reward the action the more the child will do it. If you reward too much the child gets satiated and doesn't do it as often.
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amother
White
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Sun, May 19 2019, 10:40 am
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What makes you think they'll be dependent on it? I like to give feedback on positive behaviors to strengthen the pathways in their brains and make them more likely to repeat those behaviors. Plus of course I want to nurture a lot of positivity in our relationship, and I think it's a good thing for both me and them to be noticing and acknowledging those things. As long as everything is natural and no one is obsessing I don't see how it can get into territory of "needing" appreciation.
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ra_mom
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Sun, May 19 2019, 10:42 am
Words of affirmation are so important. You don't have to limit them.
But there's no need to be effusive or exaggerate.
Thanks Yossi, I appreciate it. Or your room feels so inviting. Or the like, in a neutral tone with a sincere smile is enough.
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33055
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Sun, May 19 2019, 10:45 am
| amother [ White ] wrote: | | What makes you think they'll be dependent on it? I like to give feedback on positive behaviors to strengthen the pathways in their brains and make them more likely to repeat those behaviors. Plus of course I want to nurture a lot of positivity in our relationship, and I think it's a good thing for both me and them to be noticing and acknowledging those things. As long as everything is natural and no one is obsessing I don't see how it can get into territory of "needing" appreciation. |
It can spill over to other areas like school. If a child only works for praise, a teacher can't give that constant affirmation craved.
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